Fire and Water

My heart has sunk too far back down below
The place where hope and faith immortalized
It won't continue past this point I know
each memory shared, each smile, each tear, each sigh
Her name engraved like acid on my tongue
destroys my own and what it ever meant
when uttered softly even far from home
Your love now gone -- I have no confidence
in swimming. Fresh clear waters do not wash
away the new stained dark reality
of words that smell of fire, smoke and ash
My tender skin burned raw by third degrees
of peeling, bleeding wounds that will not heal
into deep waters so I cannot feel

Intrusion

Help me as I read through every poem
to understand his love has gone to her
Find me as I feel so lost and lonesome
to know the air he breathes does not concur
with how my heart suffocates in silence
Perfume, sex and whispers -- brand new lovers
intrude upon my home -- guilty violence;
swift murder of my hope by another
Put me back in darkness where eyes can lie
and poetry was once written for two
where "never," "always" and "only" abide
inside of my undying love for you
Hold me as I realize these sweet songs
were written for someone else all along

Judgmental

Talk to me
before you speak
about the details of my life
that you perceive
to be riddled with strife
and little relief
instead of how much
they really mean to me
Walk with the man
who hangs around your neck
on crossed reminder
of what you seem to forget
when you chastise me
with your not so subtle sighs
as I soothe the sounds
of my precious five
Talk to me first
before you assume
with your judgmental comments
because I am not you

Center

Is it okay to wish
for the way it used to be?
I miss the hourglass shape
of your tenacity
That constant persistence
bred my security
But now I taste
grains of doubts
Is it wrong to assume
that I turned you off
with my complicated heart
and emancipated talk?
Forcing you to run
before you could walk
where whispers turn into shouts
Is it okay to want
you to love me again?
Lean back to the beginning
where we never end
Confront the world spinning
into a thread that will mend
our fictitious centrifugal hearts

I miss feeling like your best friend

Never

The razor wasn't as painful
as your last words were to me
My heart began to stiffen
like some emotional atrophy
As I closed my eyes and waited
throughout the slow, iminent bleed
my mind was recreating
some distant memories
You held me close to your skin
I should have seen it then
And told me never would you hurt me
the way I was hurt by them
Never would you leave me
especially not now
My eyes opened to the pain
remembering I believed that vow
And now I feel the darkness
And now I see the end
The blood is intersecting
my hope that you will send
some sign or light from you
telling me it was a mistake
and that you need me forever
or your heart will finally break

Tell me you can't live without me
or that I am your worst mistake

Verdict

Further and further
on your least wanted list
Lies that you cradle
in your open fist
Pull back the punch
and start my bleeding
Your love, my hope
is finally fleeting
If I ever did this to you
the verdict would be cheating
on a gift of forever
and life would have no meaning
A prisoner of your time off
that you seem to enjoy
Victim of the games
you swear you don't employ
Murder to my mind
Shotgun to my heart
Your defense of selfishness
has torn my world apart
Smile through your teeth
as you stab the knife straight through
the one person you know
who truly loves you
And the phone won't ring
no emergencies here
Just a growing puddle of blood
mixing with my tears

Tested

My love is being tested
like Job in the desert
Time crawls like poisoned flies
dying slowly in the reserve
of toxic tears which disappear
into cracks between the ground
upon where I used to feel alive
Now silence all around
Sometimes doesn't justify
repeating each offense
Excuses only crucify
the meaning of repent
I stare intently at the rope
wondering how long it will take
to hang my regrets forever
and change my given fate