Indiana

The song in my head is only visible to me
while I'm wearing my hat and climbing this tree
Today I've become what I need to be:
a hero escaping the tombs of captivity
I will crack my whip upon this stone
I am the fearless, clever Indiana Jones!

Milestone

There are some days
when I see how far you have come
Despite what people think they know
about you
and frequently tell me
Because I never dreamed
I'd see the day
when you would pick up your fork
minus my cue
and eat all of your beef vermicelli

Catching Myself

Please turn your shirt around
the tag goes in the back
How old are you again?
Do I have to repeat that?
Why am I fighting
to keep you focused and calm --
You make me feel
like I've done it all wrong
And just when I hear
the futile edge to my tone
I forget to remember to forget
that I'm facing all of this alone

One Small Bite

One bite for me
tastes bitter sweet
One for you becomes a
foul scented defeat
My tears brimming over
into your winning smile
My guilt underneath
your overwhelming fears
I almost cried again
until you touched my heart
with those eyebrows arched
in excited proclamation
whispering proudly
I tried it!

Green

It confuses me
when I see your eyes
asking for green
in between your sighs

It makes me so blue
not to know why
your favorite color is green
everytime

Aspergers

I stared at the floor
for a second time
though it isn't fatal --
it's a shocking line
It explains so many mysteries
that I didn't notice before
But my scared, selfish heart
wanted to run out the door
and scream I can't do this once more!
One moved around us
as if we were trees
those not so subtle movements
put my mind at un-ease
Chatting to himself
about heroes in his head
The other kept repeating
what I just had said
And continued to ignore
all of my learned patience
to slowly encourage or solicit
some simple conversation
My ears strained to focus
on all of the "next steps"
But my emotions were scattered
on the path of strength I had recently swept
His voice trailed off sympathetically
to reassure my falling tears
But nothing tonight, alone and depressed
will soothe my deepest fears

I didn't see it for eight whole years...

Some Things

I watched your hands
so carefully mastermind
the intricate parts
of structures I'd never understand
How do you know where
each piece belongs
"I just do  --
Like you know
how to make your songs
sound so new and different
every time you sing them"
you said
without looking at me
And in your most grown up voice
continued quietly
"some things just have to be"

Puzzle

 

I still wonder about your different view
What makes your eyes look so hauntingly still
Those moments I see you are rare and few
Strained smiles continue to bring me chills
Your mind is brilliant! You always create
Patterns in your world seem to abound
Science and research don't really explain
Why your ears are so sensitive to sounds
A soul that's trapped behind dark confusion
I'll try to rescue you from the silence
Use your thoughts like a surprise intrusion
Upon lingering, non-verbal violence
Autism is officially to blame
For the different view you cannot explain

Understanding You

How does your brilliant mind
                        begin each day
                        watching and learning
                        without much to say
                        Understanding little
                        and hearing too much
                        you cringe from a kiss
                        unless you reach for my touch
                        Your eyes hold a secret
                        that no one will know
                        and your ideas take you
                        to places I can’t go
                        If I could I’d take your hand
                        and feel what you feel
                        this confusion and frustration
                        I know that it’s real
                        I may not understand the
                        absence of your affection
                        but I see who you are
                        and will whisper direction
                        To strengthen your walk
                        along life’s long road
                        I’m trying to hold you
                        somewhere in my world
                        Where I can protect you
                        From all of the hurt
                        And show you the measure
                        Of all that you are worth
                        My dear son, try hard to find some meaning
                        You aren’t lost, you are loved –
                        You are a part of my heart…
                        that is always beating

Watching Scottie Grow

Silent words
                        conveying with his actions
                        questions and solutions unknown

                        Pensive mind
                        heart filled with purpose
                        angel in my arms

                        Serious eyes
                        hollow but aware
                        different in his mirror

                        Senstive ears
                        painfully absorbing
                        sounds we cannot hear

                        Loving soul
                        a blessed gift of wonder
                        continuing in his world...

                        to play and learn and grow