Therapy

It started out as conversations will
some details shared, lost memories revealed
Just looking for forgiveness and to fill
infinite breaks my heart can't seem to heal
Those blessed waters that replenish faith
cover my body, soul and broken mind
Refreshing tears...no...more like tidal waves
drown all of my mistakes but leave behind
A place of solitude with one stranger
Confusing crossroads and revelations
A calm voice turns me away from danger -
verbally leading me to salvation
The voice that whispers "you'll never be seen..."
is the opposite of who's guiding me

Resist

Rebel against my struggling heart's content!
Resist temptation of your loving smile!
I don't forgive what you cannot repent --
in excess of a trillion missing miles.
The risk of looking up to hope again
with puzzles and pyschosis upside down
Relenting to my God who always wins
a restlesness night with blinding sight abounds
And who am I to ask for so much more
When nothing that I've given comes right back?
The barriers crash down the broken door
futility has come to me at last
Release the grip upon my broken heart
Return, my soul,  to your innocent start

Feather

I watched the small feather fall to the ground.
It seemed quite confused, unable to land
in the perfect place where it could be found,
carried delicately by someone's hand.
Then turned my attention to six children
listened intently about bosses, games
characters, scores and strategies to win.
Backed out the car and we were on our way,
the fallen feather watched me slowly drive
down the long street until I disappeared,
curled into itself, attempting to hide
how alone it felt in the grassy field;
I composed this song from a fleeting thought;
a metaphor for the love I have lost

May

I call upon the Sixth of May once more
somehow, someway to energize my trust
Just make me feel the love I felt before
I was drained by your absolute silence
This tinted, tarnished steel covered in rust
from crying salt stained tears on metal doors
which used to bridge the emptiness in us
lies broken, crushed in anger on the floor
That special moment when we shared a vow
to love within our hearts and nothing less
Whispered words: someway, somewhere, somehow
became our path of love and happiness
I need the Sixth of May to redirect
my disconnected soul from your neglect

Morgue

Faces and places consume my reprieve
The moon screams an apocalyptic glow
Pin pricked by pain my heart leaks like a sieve
Into false waters and darkness below
There lies an untruth in each of your words
You refuse to speak when I crave it most
Losing the sky like a broken winged bird
Attempting to talk through a clouded host
I crash land alone into lost memories
The rain becomes jealous of each tear shed
Dropping my heart onto cold, wet, concrete.
Gasping for love -- its reached terminal death
The horror will dry and my heart will shrink
Embalmed in loneliness -- frozen reprieve.

Reverie

God whispers to me so I can withstand
the reality that I cannot bear;
Missing your laughter, the touch of your hand,
our simple togetherness we once shared.
But something intrudes and makes me feel cold
A powerful force attempting to pull
me back from my prayer that we will grow old
together. Doubts leave me less than hopeful.
The night's icy air surrounds me but still
the wind's a vessel of your voice to me:
"I'm right here, love. Feel warmth inside the chill
Breathe the sigh between us -- our reverie."
No man, or vain tempest can interfere
with God's whisper that keeps you here.

Loop

I love how everything leads back to you

from a distant star to the falling rain.

And I always know when the day is through,

I'll be close to you in my dreams again.

I'm thankful for deep dreams and poetry -

my portals to enter your private thoughts.

Are we planets lined in asymmetry

twisting ourselves into a lover's knot?

When the sun sets tonight will it reflect

another path to take me to your door?

Will the moon cast a shadow of regret?

My eyes gaze upon where I've been before...

Mercury jumps through an infinite loop

to reveal everything that leads to you

Off-Key

Twilight. My dreams can't find the perfect tune.
I want to sing your heart to sleep again.
And even if you have to leave too soon,
my path is marked for you to come again
No, wait! It's really I who needs to hear
that calming steady heart beat in your chest!
My heart begins to break remembering
your heart's the place where all my worries nest.
My soul lifts up to nothing in the air,
looks down upon the beauty of our sleep
and the love that radiates everywhere
inside the songs and promises we keep;
I want to be inspiring to you...
Instead, my heart can't find a simple tune.

Delusion

Compromise is a bridge between soulmates
At what point do I let you win this war?
I'll lose myself in profitless roleplay
Vanishing in hope --I've been there before
Your major wrongs have become minor lies
forced to forgive you with my trusting heart
Those minor lies have become twisted ties
strong irony binds us further apart
Nightmares plague me: painted faces, thick smoke
Dead coyotes howl through long matted hair
Laughing at our dreams -- is this some cruel joke?
Your answer fuels my frigorific glare:
"...Finding myself after all of this time
The path I must walk is not ours, it's mine."

Extinguished

I lost my spark that lived within your songs
the ones you sang to me and those silent
syllables prouncing the right and wrong
dismissed by years of non verbal violence
The poetic lantern to guide me home
extinguished itself the moment you left
You returned for a night to scold and scorn
the pent up anger and sadness I kept
hidden from myself, the world and from you
Convincing my heart it would somehow work
out if you could see from a different view,
Praying you would decide never to hurt
me, you would love me and want me to stay
here without the one that pulled you away

Zen

I traced the words around the page again
my fingers touching every noun and verb
It brought me to my favorite place of zen
You just don't know the power of your words
How every note and song reverberates
inside my soul, within my heart and mind
Reminding me of plans that we would make
and how we danced inside a perfect rhyme
I followed every tear, each memory
and found that some were better left alone
But finally, I rested on the scene
Where you walked in and I embraced you home...
I know I am out of your mind and sight
but your words gave me such comfort tonight

Hiding

I swept the floors from front to back again
the dust and dirt were clinging to the cracks
But stubbornly I redirected them
into a waiting pan beside the trash
I swear I heard them screaming, protesting
they had a right to be there just because
life becomes disorganized, disgusting
so they find refuge underneath the rug
It's not their fault for hoping, lingering
cloaked beneath secret yarns no one will see
until I show up and sleepless, stumbling
uncovering their true identity
They hide out in an unsafe place with hope
But I can see them in between thick ropes

Stones

You can't lose what you never even had
Stop scolding me like I'm some little child!
Betrayed many times by a rocky path
I've earned the right to millions of more miles
of writing my thoughts until the hurt heals
Who gives a fuck? Me! In the muddy grass
Driving, or stuck and just spinning my wheels
while you sit in judgment, you pompous ass!
Running, walking or sleeping, I can cry
emotions rise and fall like bitter tides
Laugh, shout, dance with no idea why
a desire for answers still abides
With peaceful lullabies sung in the night
regardless if you think it's wrong or right

Tarnished

Simply forgotten? Written off your page?
Beauty and friendship disappeared somehow?
Wiped clean from memories that we once made?
Our past some stale mockery of a vow --
"To love, forever cherish --come what May"
Mmmm. What you said I once believed was true
Until I could no longer hide the stains
of bloody hope from always loving you...
Do not exist in me you wretched girl!
Betrayed by you, time and faux promises!
Hurled towards the ocean deep, my Tarnished Pearl
clamped firmly in your dreams you witness this:
I toss you into black infinity
with all the life and love you took from me!

Afterness

His hands and feet are yours, his heart is mine;
The way he moves his words and thoughts around
Deep eyes reflecting life and love combined
distracting regrets we can't turn around
Poetic puzzles dance around his world
I watch the shapes and colors come alive
His universe abounds with rainbow swirls
before the rain appears and tears collide
He's always had the light inside of him
Perfected curiosity his goal
A voice resembling you and me within
guides softly as the Grand Design unfolds
Will you forget his genuine laughter
while you live happily ever after?

Reconciliation

i used to think the words were all for me
the notes you played in poetry and rhyme
would soothe my doubts and I hoped secretly
those songs would last much longer than the lies
that once escaped those lips so easily
I grieved the death of love buried in fear
of who you are or were or need to be
while gasping for a smothered breath of air
her face, their smiles and all I'll never know
the candles glowing softly shadowed sin
the whispered words recomplicate my woe
abandoned first. I still can't let you in
Be angry but be gentle with my heart
your choice was the silence that broke my heart

Awake

Within this silent dreamworld I reside
my body pained, but never giving up;
bright lights and sounds resound beneath my eyes.
My skin feels torn, my bones a little rough --
cracked, broken from the impact of the car
into myself and fate's powerful hand
It feels as if I'm traveling too far...
I strain to obey each of their commands.
I've done it! Lifted all my fingers --see?
Squeezing their hands will let them know I'm here
Tempted to stay inside eternity,
I run back to the voices that are near.
Awake at last I'm home with love and light
inside of me because I chose to fight

For TSE

Five Miles

I ran five miles at sunset for the view
and let the memories comfort my mind
Though faraway you slept, or dreamed or knew
that I was simply going back in time
to soft mornings with bird's songs and light rain
simple meals at cafes that once were
A safety zone from future tears and pain
but like the roads I pass, they are now blurred
Our hearts continue beating loud and strong
despite the unexpected bend or break
Perhaps we wait for change for far too long
and find that we have made a deal with fate
To run five miles at sunrise could rewind
the hurt, regrets, the loss of precious time

Camouflaged

Uncoil yourself into a slow slither
justifying every scale you will shed
The microscopic patterns look bitter
camouflaged in colors of grey and dead
Retreat every step back to the cold stone
where smaller prey remains vulnerable
to fangs ejaculating hot poison
and the pain becomes intolerable
Defend your flesh against the intruder
whose stealth and coyness will whisper you near
Premeditate a quick and soft murder
slice the forked tongue tasting of lies and tears
Beware the serpent sleeping on his spine,
He'll suffocate you with false space and time

Learn

To earn the chance of loving you today
I'm given a reminder from the past
lost time, and tears --a price I have to pay
to learn to give you space and make us last
A simple concept born of selflessness
but difficult in action and in thought
One coded word to calm my shortest breath
patient beside you while you climb your rock
Then when the moon brings in our quiet time
all worries seem so blurry and instead
of fighting through the hazy, crazy signs
desire rears her sexy, yearning head
To earn the chance of loving you today
I'll grow with you if that's what makes you stay