May

I call upon the Sixth of May once more
somehow, someway to energize my trust
Just make me feel the love I felt before
I was drained by your absolute silence
This tinted, tarnished steel covered in rust
from crying salt stained tears on metal doors
which used to bridge the emptiness in us
lies broken, crushed in anger on the floor
That special moment when we shared a vow
to love within our hearts and nothing less
Whispered words: someway, somewhere, somehow
became our path of love and happiness
I need the Sixth of May to redirect
my disconnected soul from your neglect

Delusion

Compromise is a bridge between soulmates
At what point do I let you win this war?
I'll lose myself in profitless roleplay
Vanishing in hope --I've been there before
Your major wrongs have become minor lies
forced to forgive you with my trusting heart
Those minor lies have become twisted ties
strong irony binds us further apart
Nightmares plague me: painted faces, thick smoke
Dead coyotes howl through long matted hair
Laughing at our dreams -- is this some cruel joke?
Your answer fuels my frigorific glare:
"...Finding myself after all of this time
The path I must walk is not ours, it's mine."

Strike

Words and tears do not break through
the searing pain that rips my heart
The only thing I need is you
and now we're just too far apart

Couldn't you hear me
soft and low
whispering, singing
please don't go...
Didn't you see me fall again?
Begging, pleading
unable to walk alone?

I did say I need you
I did say it's not fair
I'm saying it even louder now
and you are still not here

Too tired.
Too stressed.
Scared?  Who knows why?
I have told you what I need.
Are you ever going to try?

Or am I destined to end each day
with a lonely...
defeated...
muted...
sigh

The Simple Truth

Secrets unfolded from hundreds of lies
lining the years I would have to deny
to make sense of the reasons -- why even try?
Just count the treasons he committed that night...

Lies became secrets numbering the years
Devoting my nights to hundreds of tears
Unable to justify the root of my fears
Although his deception was perfectly clear...
Remembering his final goodbye...

So selfish and insincere

Offense

Neither silence nor defense
will justify the offense
of you witholding
the simplest truth
from my grasp
And your stuttering hesitance
gives way to my nonchalance:
a painful lesson
I learned from you
in the past

Five Miles

I ran five miles at sunset for the view
and let the memories comfort my mind
Though faraway you slept, or dreamed or knew
that I was simply going back in time
to soft mornings with bird's songs and light rain
simple meals at cafes that once were
A safety zone from future tears and pain
but like the roads I pass, they are now blurred
Our hearts continue beating loud and strong
despite the unexpected bend or break
Perhaps we wait for change for far too long
and find that we have made a deal with fate
To run five miles at sunrise could rewind
the hurt, regrets, the loss of precious time

Camouflaged

Uncoil yourself into a slow slither
justifying every scale you will shed
The microscopic patterns look bitter
camouflaged in colors of grey and dead
Retreat every step back to the cold stone
where smaller prey remains vulnerable
to fangs ejaculating hot poison
and the pain becomes intolerable
Defend your flesh against the intruder
whose stealth and coyness will whisper you near
Premeditate a quick and soft murder
slice the forked tongue tasting of lies and tears
Beware the serpent sleeping on his spine,
He'll suffocate you with false space and time

The Doormat

Wipe, wipe, wipe
Stomp!
Wipe, wipe, wipe
Stomp!
Wipe, mud
Wipe, dirt
Wipe, filth
Wipe, worth
Wipe, wipe, wipe
Clean

Patterns

Fear is my motivator
but I dare not speak
a silent dark instigator
of patterned deceit
leaving charcoal fingerprints
and a worried retreat
perhaps only in my mind
or a realistic scene
I pause...

at the sound...

of a distant warning.

Learn

To earn the chance of loving you today
I'm given a reminder from the past
lost time, and tears --a price I have to pay
to learn to give you space and make us last
A simple concept born of selflessness
but difficult in action and in thought
One coded word to calm my shortest breath
patient beside you while you climb your rock
Then when the moon brings in our quiet time
all worries seem so blurry and instead
of fighting through the hazy, crazy signs
desire rears her sexy, yearning head
To earn the chance of loving you today
I'll grow with you if that's what makes you stay

Fire and Water

My heart has sunk too far back down below
The place where hope and faith immortalized
It won't continue past this point I know
each memory shared, each smile, each tear, each sigh
Her name engraved like acid on my tongue
destroys my own and what it ever meant
when uttered softly even far from home
Your love now gone -- I have no confidence
in swimming. Fresh clear waters do not wash
away the new stained dark reality
of words that smell of fire, smoke and ash
My tender skin burned raw by third degrees
of peeling, bleeding wounds that will not heal
into deep waters so I cannot feel

Intrusion

Help me as I read through every poem
to understand his love has gone to her
Find me as I feel so lost and lonesome
to know the air he breathes does not concur
with how my heart suffocates in silence
Perfume, sex and whispers -- brand new lovers
intrude upon my home -- guilty violence;
swift murder of my hope by another
Put me back in darkness where eyes can lie
and poetry was once written for two
where "never," "always" and "only" abide
inside of my undying love for you
Hold me as I realize these sweet songs
were written for someone else all along

Center

Is it okay to wish
for the way it used to be?
I miss the hourglass shape
of your tenacity
That constant persistence
bred my security
But now I taste
grains of doubts
Is it wrong to assume
that I turned you off
with my complicated heart
and emancipated talk?
Forcing you to run
before you could walk
where whispers turn into shouts
Is it okay to want
you to love me again?
Lean back to the beginning
where we never end
Confront the world spinning
into a thread that will mend
our fictitious centrifugal hearts

I miss feeling like your best friend

Second

Just ten more minutes
I promise I'll call
after you need me
I know it's a stall
Just five more minutes
I'll be there, don't fear
maybe you'll forget
and sleep through your tears?
Now one more minute
outside of our own
takes you far away
further than you know
but when you feel lost
when you feel alone
you'll finally see it:
those minutes are gone
I needed your time
when you weren't around