Kidney

An organ that functions
without its other half,
an overlooked piece
of a blackened polygraph.
Straight lines turned to lies
and were carried away
while the tissues rotted
full of decay
Dehydrated prayers
now hooked to machines,
and artificial hope
keeps one functioning
until it gives way to the internal bleeding
no one considers -
no one even sees.

Guilt

scraping and scratching
panicking and desperate
jagged manicure of helplessness
leaves eerie marks of terror
hollow cries and low moans
invade my dreams
and shape into what seems to be
a dark, intrinsical fear
inside of my head
clawing on superstitions
that only black cats can bring
and when he finally rests
and gives me his best mischievous smile
he sings
I ate the canary....
I ate the canary...

Morgue

Faces and places consume my reprieve
The moon screams an apocalyptic glow
Pin pricked by pain my heart leaks like a sieve
Into false waters and darkness below
There lies an untruth in each of your words
You refuse to speak when I crave it most
Losing the sky like a broken winged bird
Attempting to talk through a clouded host
I crash land alone into lost memories
The rain becomes jealous of each tear shed
Dropping my heart onto cold, wet, concrete.
Gasping for love -- its reached terminal death
The horror will dry and my heart will shrink
Embalmed in loneliness -- frozen reprieve.

Splinters

Don't say I love you
as you're walking out the door
Those words mean nothing to me
I don't believe you anymore
You whispered them into my ear
when we were fucking on the floor
So don't say I love you
as you're walking out the door

Don't say I miss you
five years or days from now
You'll break my heart into pieces
that should be your vow
Not promises that fade
"I'm ready to move forward now..."
Don't say I miss you
five years or days from now

Don't say I'm sorry
for all the pain you caused
The selfish beast you claim to have tamed
has drawn its bloody claws
And all that's left is shreds of me
splintering in the pause
Don't say I'm sorry
for all the pain you caused

Don't say anything
you're good at doing this
Don't say goodbye
or leave me with a kiss

I always stood by your side
through all of the fucking bullshit
Just walk out of the door
and forget all of it

Breathe

Without your smoke and mirrors
you would be lost
but it's a dangerous addiction
look how much it cost
Not just in bank fees
and all-consuming shame
but in ruining your self worth
tarnishing your name
All that you worked for
(or supposedly -- who really knows)
is gone the very second
you breathe through your nose

Nothingness

Oh my GOD!  He exclaimed
What WAS that horrible sound?
That's the sound of my heart being dragged across the ground
He looked down
And why are my hands scratched?  Full of rocks and debris?
What happened?
An accident...she said softly
Why is there blood  all over my fingers?
She paused uneasily...started to speak...then lingered
Looking back over her shoulder with a smile too thin
she surveyed the horror scene caused by him
Her trust had been torn from her love and truth
Her happiness was knocked from her dreams and youth
Her hope had been shattered into a million deaths
and her heart --well her heart had disintegrated
into complete nothingness

The Simple Truth

Secrets unfolded from hundreds of lies
lining the years I would have to deny
to make sense of the reasons -- why even try?
Just count the treasons he committed that night...

Lies became secrets numbering the years
Devoting my nights to hundreds of tears
Unable to justify the root of my fears
Although his deception was perfectly clear...
Remembering his final goodbye...

So selfish and insincere

Tarnished

Simply forgotten? Written off your page?
Beauty and friendship disappeared somehow?
Wiped clean from memories that we once made?
Our past some stale mockery of a vow --
"To love, forever cherish --come what May"
Mmmm. What you said I once believed was true
Until I could no longer hide the stains
of bloody hope from always loving you...
Do not exist in me you wretched girl!
Betrayed by you, time and faux promises!
Hurled towards the ocean deep, my Tarnished Pearl
clamped firmly in your dreams you witness this:
I toss you into black infinity
with all the life and love you took from me!

Hallow

Something wicked this way came
on a darkened sister's Hallow's Eve
But led me to an interesting game
which taught me to believe
that where the truth lies
inside of those words
of pure dishonesty
is buried below
the unwritten books
on how one can deceive

Someone wonderful followed suit
and once crossed o'er the threshold
Into my arms love came to me
and kept me in a chokehold
For years and some I played his game
of love, leave and try again
But through each selfish
silent reprieve
I couldn't avoid the end

Now back at home
my mind can't rest
on every word you never say
Cruel lies intensify
your herbal breath
my hope just fades away

Disadvantageous

Deception is a dangerous game
it leaves me feeling disadvantageous
against the strength of well told lies
My hope is fading -- less courageous
to stand for what I know is right
to protect our love is in vain
Deception is an unfair fight
and starts with every letter of your name

Scarce

I'm safe in here
inside of my words
the only place I'm allowed
My emotions and feelings
are deemed absurd
and tend to draw a crowd.
But the sadness I hold
deep within
is growing every day
My poetry is now my only friend
since you went away
Conversations before my eyes
take a number, wait patiently
No wireless proxy will suffice
amid ignored, vibrating insensitivity
And the technology you despise so vehemently
is only when it's coming from me

Bipolar

Your leaking sorrow
fills my soul
perhaps tomorrow
You'll remember what you told me
Never. Always and Forever.
Or maybe you
will carelessly hold my heart
ransom, bleeding, torn apart
much like the way insomnia
directs a murder scene
in some paranoid
schizophrenic's dream

Narcissism

The narcissism I feel today
is a perfect reflection
of the games you play
and the promise you won't leave
I'll never go away
pierces louder than a scream
as I beg you to stay
SILENCE becomes the duct tape
around my hope as I lay:
a tightly bound and gagged version
of your obedient prey

In Between

Standing
in between
feels like waiting
for the guillotine
to come down
repeatedly
in slow motion
This terror that I feel
makes the hoping
too surreal
and my heart must
must void itself
protect my life
from emotions

Camouflaged

Uncoil yourself into a slow slither
justifying every scale you will shed
The microscopic patterns look bitter
camouflaged in colors of grey and dead
Retreat every step back to the cold stone
where smaller prey remains vulnerable
to fangs ejaculating hot poison
and the pain becomes intolerable
Defend your flesh against the intruder
whose stealth and coyness will whisper you near
Premeditate a quick and soft murder
slice the forked tongue tasting of lies and tears
Beware the serpent sleeping on his spine,
He'll suffocate you with false space and time

Three

It can't be love
when your job takes the place
of the heart that follows
and the only thirst quencher tastes
of the pride and tears you swallow
as you constantly tolerate
the empty hollow
of one silent sigh

There is no competition
because you are free
you are starting over
you are not me
There is no resolution
to what needs to be
so I become the silhouette
of the next - Number Three

I want to be the island
that disappeared at last
be swallowed by the waters
I once lived on in the past
feel the cool upon my earth
once scorched beneath the sun
and be remembered for nothing but
a place that meant
something to no one

Undone

I don't have a family anymore
past judgments and conversations
white lies creeping on the floor
Cutting murderous accusations
splatter across a door
that once remained open;
nevermore

Don't lie to or about me
you see
that which you proclaim
of mine to be so false
is your own insecurity
Don't fool yourself
into thinking I created this mess
you are the creator
of all that you will never confess

In your vain attempts
to be unlike her
you chastise me
for what you were
In your self righteous mind
you choose to ignore
reality;
You are not my family anymore

Patterns

Fear is my motivator
but I dare not speak
a silent dark instigator
of patterned deceit
leaving charcoal fingerprints
and a worried retreat
perhaps only in my mind
or a realistic scene
I pause...

at the sound...

of a distant warning.

Fire and Water

My heart has sunk too far back down below
The place where hope and faith immortalized
It won't continue past this point I know
each memory shared, each smile, each tear, each sigh
Her name engraved like acid on my tongue
destroys my own and what it ever meant
when uttered softly even far from home
Your love now gone -- I have no confidence
in swimming. Fresh clear waters do not wash
away the new stained dark reality
of words that smell of fire, smoke and ash
My tender skin burned raw by third degrees
of peeling, bleeding wounds that will not heal
into deep waters so I cannot feel

Intrusion

Help me as I read through every poem
to understand his love has gone to her
Find me as I feel so lost and lonesome
to know the air he breathes does not concur
with how my heart suffocates in silence
Perfume, sex and whispers -- brand new lovers
intrude upon my home -- guilty violence;
swift murder of my hope by another
Put me back in darkness where eyes can lie
and poetry was once written for two
where "never," "always" and "only" abide
inside of my undying love for you
Hold me as I realize these sweet songs
were written for someone else all along