Hollow

You fell exhausted onto your cold sheets,
Deep dreaming began without my goodnight.
This patterned quitting resembles a leash
That shortens each time she pulls it so tight!
We didn't survive the days that I dread
Your overtaxed mind remained unaware.
Tugging the strings became cutting instead
Of fighting sleep when I needed you there.
Talking to air was useless and draining
You found that one place and quickly shut down
My tear-filled eyes resembled the raining
that splashed my window with its hollow sound.

Those folded clothes and phone next to your heart --
Gone.  It kills me we are so far apart.

One More Year

Charming laughter
of a slightly more mature
brand new eight year old,
Curious whispers regarding
Edward Tulane's unfortunate life
Gleaming tip half-covered in white cream
from day old birthday cake
And the warm soapy water
rushing over the knife
Gurgles of a beginning talker
desperatey attempting to distract my ears
but all can feel
the only thing my breaking heart can hear
is the shrug of your shoulders
and your numbing words
too loud and clear

Because it's just one more year

Hibernate

You lovingly told me
I could say
I want to hibernate
but you said
you would not let me
steal away lonely
into a hidden bed
of sadness and insecurity
Defeated and alone tonight
Raising my trembling hand
to gently wipe the tears I cry

I'd like to see you try

Intensity

I miss our home
and the loving warmth
that radiated from within those walls
Those smiles out loud
instigating the unplanned
I love you
in the middle of your thoughts
during a busy day
You were lost in our kiss
and a blissful reverie;
Love always found you
eagerly searching for me
Who has now replaced our first hello
and fingerprinted me as the other?
The good morning
gives way to goodnight
and unless a fight lingers
I am a routine
like taking the trash to the curb
Your freedom to feel peace
has been sefishly revoked
and you are restrained
c-h-o-k-e-d
by a short leash
It's completely absurd!
And what of those words
pure poetry inspired by the muse
staying behind closed doors
locking us away indefinitely
from the love we once knew
Time with me is better unspent
when you have so much to do
Stop everything!
I wish you could feel it
I want to you to see and know
Tell me how to show
how very much ----

I miss you

New Year ‘06

There is a place in my stomach
strong enough to take a punch
continuously from you and for you
it's the only way I feel your touch
My heart is protected and reinforced
by steel and concrete cake
Supposedly to help me survive
any time you start to break
Through my wall of strong resistance
to your consistent apathy
it is no hallucination
your stoic passivity
But you ripped the safe place in my stomach
the bars were bent long ago
and the rubble I'm left to sort through
leaves me with nothing --not one memory to show
For all of the love that I gave you
you refused it, rejected it and then
you continued your search for someone else
found in a long lost friend
Someone who dissolved your life
once upon a falling star
and never cared to learn you
or love you for who you are
Yet, you still cry those tears for her
and flippantly brush me aside
while I celebrate this bright new year as
the beginning of the end inside

Private: What She Would Say

If I wrote you a letter
and called you a bastard
would you travel for many miles
to thank me
If I scolded you nightly
for simply being yourself
would you reach out
to hold me tightly
And if I paled in comparison
to the love that was real
the kind that my heart
refused you to feel
a once in a lifetime
chance to finally heal...
would you roll over --
turn your back on it all?

I think that's why
that Stupid Girl you once knew
finally built her wall

Delete

The honest and only reason
that I constantly throw things away
is to eventually reach the goal
of owning the very nothingness
that consumes my soul