Your Biography

Your biography broke me apart tonight
I know she was at the start with you
steel hoop around your heart
but it's as if we never existed
Your pride for her shines through louder
than the tears she will never let you cry
I stand silently and get no reply...
You mention her everywhere
and I'm no longer there
Not like before
when you came through the door
and held home inside of your arms
Now you ignore the alarms going off
inside of your mind
You've replaced affection
and careless protection
with important tasks
and I'm afraid to ask to be loved
and nurtured
for fear of hurting you
into the usual anger
It was real!
But I can't remind you
to feel the softness of my skin
or the salty sadness in my tears
You don't really see my smile
and it's been awhile since we have...
Your priorities are beyond numbering
and we are constantly fumbling for ways
to tell each other
"I'm so sorry"
Tonight there is a feeling
I just can't shake --

I am nothing but your mistake

Holiday Hallucination

The shimmering bright lights are blurry
holiday hallucinations -- reminders of the time
you don't have to spend with me
or even pretend to want to
9:30 PM leaves a bad taste in my mouth
like some stupid one hit wonder
And so the second hand chimes
pulling the rug out from underneath my stability
The ability to hold my breath escapes me
and I am falling to the floor
Passive moments place forced comments
inside of my heart
and they age me
like a sour wine --
they ferment into emptiness
and start to multiply uneasiness
My stomach feels the queasiness
like it did upon seeing the box today
I tried so hard to convey how much you mean to me
with a gift --
a small gift
but battered and torn
it didn't come out that way...
You are worn and have had enough
of me, of us
It's just as well
that I have nothing else to say

You wouldn't fucking notice anyway

Soft Memory

Come with me love, into night's memory
where dogwoods grow under moonlit skies
Our kisses sing passion like symphonies
the wind whispers breath to sustain our sighs
Your strong hands guide my deep longing to be
inside of your soul, inside of your heart
Nothing between us but sweet reverie
and the warmth of our skin reflected by stars
Stay with me love, in our own ecstasy
entwined with a promise of love and bliss
Where morning birds bring their soft melody
A sunrise glows on the edge of our kiss

Take me away love, again to that place
of neverending peacefulness and grace

R.S.V.P.

Their snide, rude comments ignite my fury
Whispers shared behind my well aware back
And feigned conern fuels my acrimony
So I smile to keep them way off track

One narrows her eyes and looks down her nose
Reminding me somewhat of a vulture
I respite her queries with calm repose
As another tries to crush my stature

The worst of the clique is the one who coos
At my infant child and pretends to care
All about my life as she drinks my booze
Are those devil's horns underneath her hair?

Your complements are masked with false sweetness;
But don't mistake my silence for weakness

Locks

I rub my eyes past midnight
My desire to respond so intense
Squelched like a child's hand upon a firefly
When I encounter your first line of defense

Praying for mistaken identity --
Perhaps a slip of my hand?
I attempt to reenter the doorway's sanctity
But am unable to move where I stand

Guards are flashing RED
My cheeks are flushed the same
My mind is racing ahead
My heart is covered with shame

I'm not on the inside looking out
The key won't fit the lock
I'm the ship among other boats
Tied to someone else's dock

My watery eyes look away
My shaking hands won't cooperate
I tell myself that's enough for today
Too melancholy now to investigate

Locks and bars represent lack of trust
Now I wonder if that's how you feel about us

Hope

I started to type
"a punch in the stomach"
but flasbacks of your anger
deleted those words
I felt slightly betrayed
by my own question
but couldn't take back
what I'd already heard
Hope simply means
forever to me
but cannot possibly
exist among three...

Stranger

I really do support the desire
though don't fully comprehend the need
My fears watch closely, carefully
should the fire begin to breed
Flames that could reignite
or new ones from your heart
burn slowly and unchaperoned
and we are so far apart
The ones you know from my past
let me go with unrestrained pause
for the same opinion you have of me
and my disappointing flaws
But the difference between my past and present
and those feelings like you that I carried
is they cannot be reconnected or satisfied
with one who is dead and buried