Cancer (Life Without Love)

There's a growing cancer within my chest
A fatal disease infiltrates my blood
In a constant state of rancid unrest
My body rejects any hope for reprieve
Defenseless and cornered behind my closed door
This lump in my chest steals my strength to live
I sit shivering and vomiting upon a cold floor
Losing parts of my soul I will never retrieve
There is no ribbon created in rememberance or cure
And no one can promote awareness for this cause
But the inevitable deterioration of self and soul
Eventually brings attention to this tragic loss

Death is no pardon for enduring such pain;
Life without you is just death in refrain

Invisible Rain

My soul is searching for the rain
                        not simple drops of teasing insults
                        I want to be drenched in a flood
                        desiring to drown
                        as it spirals me down
                        and slowly but completely
                        infiltrates my pores
                        boring deep into my dry and deserted mind
                        Quenching my thoughts -
                        an oasis for my prose
                        it transforms the murky sky water
                        into waves too blue and clear
                        Unusually invisible rain
                        resembling a dreamer's drink
                        waiting inside of fragile crystal
                        to be tasted like salty years
                        wearing the scent of my tears
                        There, a few moments of pure tranquility
                        standing in transparent puddles
                        I let small rivers form around my feet
                        and long to meet the clouds
                        who brought me such a gift
                        Grace me with a stormy wind
                        like some newborn ship
                        upon an old man's sea
                        Release me, just release me...
                        Naked in the shower
                        My soul is thirsting for the rain
                        My soul is searching for the rain

Pressure

The wind’s pressure slightly tilts a branch down
Sweet happiness frowns upon the spots and spills
When you’ve had your fill of my over requited love
You disappear like drying dewdrops on a windowsill
Selecting and infecting the ignorant tree
To remain immune, immortal within
Apt to bend, slightly break, but never concede
To that perpetrating, familiar, unrelenting wind
That reminds you of me
Storm raging wildly, refusing to pass quickly
Breaking the fragile, delicate, brilliant glass
Pieces will shatter and cut our flesh slowly
And hint of the end if we follow this path
With blood stained, injured, damaged hands
Do you cry wounded with pain
Or do you find me waiting in crimson hope
And go back to where love began

Suicide at 55

I noticed today
how the shape of my eye
greatly resembles the tear
withheld in my sigh
that escaped from my lips
when that last butterfly
smashed into my windshield
as I drove fifty five

Trivial

I'm still unable to completely run my hands
through the empty space where I cut my hair
Trivial, though it seems to even give a damn!
It meant so much more than I will share

You hold it and admire it as if it were some prize
but discard all the moments that led to that shear
It's easy to play dead when you can't see my eyes
Blue ribbons must conceal every sigh, every tear

Traduced again, my trusting heart and loving trust
Abandon us once more to weep and grieve;
Your reasons are unclear but to you they are just
Now my soul will play dead but secretly breathe

You could have owned that beautiful sonnet kiss
If you would have given me only slightly more than this

Imperfectly

The unforgiving wind
tousles and teases
my once smooth dreams
interrupting my deeper thoughts
while I stare past the sunflowers
the ones that used to bloom there
Biting my lip again
I feel a growing loss
The sunshine in the park
falls dull to dim
as I draw my hopes closer
My knees to my chin
guard me from losing
anymore than I can win
Faith bound by thin ropes
of whimsical poetry
as if my thoughts
were light enough
to lead you home to me
Is one single drop
of rain from my sadness
worth the plastic spoon
I hold together
because it broke too soon
from the weight of mediocrity
I only have the limited capacity
to fully understand
why you couldn't

just love me imperfectly

Bland

This I write as we should speak
And mourn the loss of lover's care
Our souls who witness this will weep
To know our worlds are barely there

No longer touching inside of you
I cannot reach beyond your wall
These superficial night venues
Replace the tenderness of last year's fall

Your face reads no secret emotion
The air is drenched with tense strain
I stare my hope into your reflection
While swallowing my rising pain

And through all of this dull and bland
I bite my lip and stare at your hands