Reverie

God whispers to me so I can withstand
the reality that I cannot bear;
Missing your laughter, the touch of your hand,
our simple togetherness we once shared.
But something intrudes and makes me feel cold
A powerful force attempting to pull
me back from my prayer that we will grow old
together. Doubts leave me less than hopeful.
The night's icy air surrounds me but still
the wind's a vessel of your voice to me:
"I'm right here, love. Feel warmth inside the chill
Breathe the sigh between us -- our reverie."
No man, or vain tempest can interfere
with God's whisper that keeps you here.

Loop

I love how everything leads back to you

from a distant star to the falling rain.

And I always know when the day is through,

I'll be close to you in my dreams again.

I'm thankful for deep dreams and poetry -

my portals to enter your private thoughts.

Are we planets lined in asymmetry

twisting ourselves into a lover's knot?

When the sun sets tonight will it reflect

another path to take me to your door?

Will the moon cast a shadow of regret?

My eyes gaze upon where I've been before...

Mercury jumps through an infinite loop

to reveal everything that leads to you

Off-Key

Twilight. My dreams can't find the perfect tune.
I want to sing your heart to sleep again.
And even if you have to leave too soon,
my path is marked for you to come again
No, wait! It's really I who needs to hear
that calming steady heart beat in your chest!
My heart begins to break remembering
your heart's the place where all my worries nest.
My soul lifts up to nothing in the air,
looks down upon the beauty of our sleep
and the love that radiates everywhere
inside the songs and promises we keep;
I want to be inspiring to you...
Instead, my heart can't find a simple tune.

Soulstice

Ah!  There you are,
my long lost friend!
Like a secret filled diary
that has a beginning but no end
Open, waiting with blank pages
craving pencil or pen
Like a betrayed, broken heart
believing it can mend
My writing
My soulstice
begins...
again.

Delusion

Compromise is a bridge between soulmates
At what point do I let you win this war?
I'll lose myself in profitless roleplay
Vanishing in hope --I've been there before
Your major wrongs have become minor lies
forced to forgive you with my trusting heart
Those minor lies have become twisted ties
strong irony binds us further apart
Nightmares plague me: painted faces, thick smoke
Dead coyotes howl through long matted hair
Laughing at our dreams -- is this some cruel joke?
Your answer fuels my frigorific glare:
"...Finding myself after all of this time
The path I must walk is not ours, it's mine."

Strike

Words and tears do not break through
the searing pain that rips my heart
The only thing I need is you
and now we're just too far apart

Couldn't you hear me
soft and low
whispering, singing
please don't go...
Didn't you see me fall again?
Begging, pleading
unable to walk alone?

I did say I need you
I did say it's not fair
I'm saying it even louder now
and you are still not here

Too tired.
Too stressed.
Scared?  Who knows why?
I have told you what I need.
Are you ever going to try?

Or am I destined to end each day
with a lonely...
defeated...
muted...
sigh

Extinguished

I lost my spark that lived within your songs
the ones you sang to me and those silent
syllables prouncing the right and wrong
dismissed by years of non verbal violence
The poetic lantern to guide me home
extinguished itself the moment you left
You returned for a night to scold and scorn
the pent up anger and sadness I kept
hidden from myself, the world and from you
Convincing my heart it would somehow work
out if you could see from a different view,
Praying you would decide never to hurt
me, you would love me and want me to stay
here without the one that pulled you away

Six

You spoke with your cries
at first
looking down at your hands
shortly after discovering you had them
proclaiming a milestone
But it was your eyes
those deep, searching
blue-grey libraries of wonder
penetrating every unkown around you
like a soldier through the last gate to victory
Your mind sang and celebrated
as you learned life
determined to make each thought
a verbal memory
off all that you saw
And now...
you speak with your sighs
silent and sad
Missing something you never had
Wondering why your words
ever began at all

Karma

You son of a bitch
taking him away
to the lies and deception
you introduced that day!
Why can't you just be a real friend
and keep the lone wolf cravings at bay?
I hope fate cashes in
when true love finally looks your way
and you lose someone to drugs
like I just did today

You son of a bitch
promising not to leave me --
then sneaking away again
pretending not to decieve me
Insulting me to the core
not bothering to retrieve me
by asking total forgiveness
for the lies you told to mislead me
and now I have nothing
but six broken hearts that are bleeding

Splinters

Don't say I love you
as you're walking out the door
Those words mean nothing to me
I don't believe you anymore
You whispered them into my ear
when we were fucking on the floor
So don't say I love you
as you're walking out the door

Don't say I miss you
five years or days from now
You'll break my heart into pieces
that should be your vow
Not promises that fade
"I'm ready to move forward now..."
Don't say I miss you
five years or days from now

Don't say I'm sorry
for all the pain you caused
The selfish beast you claim to have tamed
has drawn its bloody claws
And all that's left is shreds of me
splintering in the pause
Don't say I'm sorry
for all the pain you caused

Don't say anything
you're good at doing this
Don't say goodbye
or leave me with a kiss

I always stood by your side
through all of the fucking bullshit
Just walk out of the door
and forget all of it

Breathe

Without your smoke and mirrors
you would be lost
but it's a dangerous addiction
look how much it cost
Not just in bank fees
and all-consuming shame
but in ruining your self worth
tarnishing your name
All that you worked for
(or supposedly -- who really knows)
is gone the very second
you breathe through your nose

Insult

You don't work
Therefore the money isn't yours
I don't think you could have insulted me more!
Add up every last thing
I've bought since we met
Sell each one at full price
or one hundred dollars more
and I swear to you -- I bet
you could never afford
to pay what I'm worth
or hire me --that's for sure
Priceless is my paycheck
for all of my hard work
My ego has been hurt
self dignity on the floor
Sometimes your mean spirit
is too much for me to endure
You don't work
Therefore the money isn't yours...

Pink

My heart can't find the words to express
my overwhelming joy and happiness
I keep waiting for the perfect inspiration to write
but it came to me while looking into your eyes tonight
Though you deserve something more profound and deep
these words are only yours to hear and keep:
I know we will hit the crossroads someday
where you take what you've learned and go away
But in the quiet of this moment I whisper with a kiss
My world is complete now that you exist

*Dedicated to my daughter

Zen

I traced the words around the page again
my fingers touching every noun and verb
It brought me to my favorite place of zen
You just don't know the power of your words
How every note and song reverberates
inside my soul, within my heart and mind
Reminding me of plans that we would make
and how we danced inside a perfect rhyme
I followed every tear, each memory
and found that some were better left alone
But finally, I rested on the scene
Where you walked in and I embraced you home...
I know I am out of your mind and sight
but your words gave me such comfort tonight

Hiding

I swept the floors from front to back again
the dust and dirt were clinging to the cracks
But stubbornly I redirected them
into a waiting pan beside the trash
I swear I heard them screaming, protesting
they had a right to be there just because
life becomes disorganized, disgusting
so they find refuge underneath the rug
It's not their fault for hoping, lingering
cloaked beneath secret yarns no one will see
until I show up and sleepless, stumbling
uncovering their true identity
They hide out in an unsafe place with hope
But I can see them in between thick ropes

Dr. Zeus

Gather around everybody
I've got such a wonderful treat!
Dr. Zeus is in the house
quickly grab any seat!
This story stars our usual
unsuspecting Princess Peach
who unfortunately trusts
every villain she meets.
The scene was set years ago
on a bright and sunny day
watching the children happily
run, splash and play
Fast forward past that
I don't want to delay
why she's hurting, crying again
on her pillow this way
He met the criteria
of a best forever friend
someone to grow old with
until the very end
And then maybe past the end
it depended on the weather
that would eventually destroy
their chance of being together...
The eye of the storm
Hurricane Anthony appeared
Don't let go of my hand!
She cried, begged and feared
the worst would happen -- and it did-- sweet, smart girl
He DID let go of her hand
and the excuses began to swirl....
I was tired
Couldn't find it
uncharged, dead and spent
You always accuse me anyway
so I just left and went
for awhile
for a week
needed space, balance and time
It's working for ME
Don't you see?
I feel ready and primed
But what about our plans?
She inquired --and rightfully so
I don't want to live there
or breathe there
Um...I'll let you know...
What about always and forever or--
"I'll never do it again"
That was then
this is now Mama
(Does anyone see a trend?)
I'm alone
I'm bi polar
I'm whatever I am
But I know you'll be there
whenever I demand
food, shelter or clothing
Mama, I'm so sick today
(Do you see how her heart melts
even being treated this way?)
I need water
I need medicine
I need a new phone, computer -- oh wait!
I'm feeling dark and gloomy
Just leave -- and shut the damn gate!
I won't call you for weeks
days and nights at a time
While you sit, sleepless hours
composing Dr. Zeus Rhymes
Mama...Relax.  I love you.
It's not you it's just me
but I'm not ready to talk
But please just trust me
That's what I've been doing
all these years for you
honestly, faithfully
What more can I do?!?
I said unconditionally!
Silence. Only silence.
Selfish silence once more
She sighed, cried and slept
Not wanting to be here anymore
A small flutter from within
followed by a powerful kick
brought her back to reality
Screaming --this is RIDICULOUS!
It's a partnership not a dictatorship
or a communist plot
Love is priceless and rare
It can never be bought
or sold, borrowed or traded
for hypocrites and liars
Her eyes red with salt
reignited with fire
Her belly groaned a little
sounding more like a roar
I don't have to pack a bag
when he shows me the door
I have rights and I vow
not to take this hurt anymore!
One phone call from a friend
thirty minutes or less
She remembered who she was
She deserves only the best
Forget the pain and the double standard
Life is on the way!
How dare you treat me like this
then ask to stay and play?
I've cried so many tears
I can barely breathe
You lied, cheated and stole
You took my heart from me!
And you didn't have to
I had already given it to you for free
Dr. Zeus Rhymes once taught me
when I was small and innocent
Bad people and bad choices
would be certain, imminent
danger would lurk
Protect your heart
Sprint don't run
to the nearest Ocean
Find your comfort in the Son
And that horrible monster
Selfish, immature, greedy one
Stand your ground
Didn't you learn from your accidents
Who can hurt you?
No one
There's no moral to the tale
of giving your heart away
or having it be stolen
in a sociopath's game
You can't love a psycho
who refuses to admit
He's not tired, sick or confused
He's just a selfish di...
Did you hear me this time?
Did I stutter?
I said hold your head up high!
Let the weeds pull him down
You didn't fail because you tried!
Hurricane Anthony will blow and damage
your home with permanent smoke
But you know the precious meaning of life
and that loving someone is no joke
Life is a mix of choices
some right most of them wrong
but you dance through the joy of learning
retrace steps with the saddest of songs
What will you do Princess Peach
What do you think darling girl?
What do you decide?
Support and defend?
Like a clam does his pearl?
Support the Constitution of Love!
Or balk at the past
and swallow your pride
We'll see next week
when our heroine
encounters loneliness
will she again let him inside....
Thank you for listening to the story
Dr. Zeus has some bolts and clouds to send
to the eye of Hurricane Anthony
who seems to have surfaced again...

Stones

You can't lose what you never even had
Stop scolding me like I'm some little child!
Betrayed many times by a rocky path
I've earned the right to millions of more miles
of writing my thoughts until the hurt heals
Who gives a fuck? Me! In the muddy grass
Driving, or stuck and just spinning my wheels
while you sit in judgment, you pompous ass!
Running, walking or sleeping, I can cry
emotions rise and fall like bitter tides
Laugh, shout, dance with no idea why
a desire for answers still abides
With peaceful lullabies sung in the night
regardless if you think it's wrong or right

Gnat

Don't you ever want to sit
and smile and reminisce
about the life born out of love
the first touch, the last kiss?
There was nothing bitter written
or said about your life
Most of my words lately
are for someone else full of cathartic spite
My friend who cannot speak right now
or even feel her heart
But of course you would think the worst of me
and aim your poisoned dart...
As if I'm not a strong woman?
facing losses you can't imagine
Accidents, deaths and heartbreaks
that you'll never even know that have happened
Since you last said nothing to me
I haven't lost my passion
or my will to live and breathe
through another painful contraction
Or my nerve to finally say
I was being one hundred percent sincere with you!
You found your soul's reprieve
You found love and peace for two
At least I shared my joy
as bittersweet as it was
At least I shared a boy
that precious gift from above
At least I included you despite
the secrets you kept from me
Now I know where I rank among your dislikes
and your long lost memory:
Some annoying gnat buzzing around your ear
forever trapped by irony

Regift

Am I finally learning how to cope
keeping busy while you "balance and break?"
Perhaps, I'm simply a pathetic joke
and can't admit it's more than I can take.
Silence is the stab wound I know too well
murdering my condfidence.  And each day
that passes into night, my private Hell
becomes the moment that you went away.
My head and heart cry out "You've been betrayed!"
Just like the movie when she can't let go
"God?  Please regift me strength to walk away..."
The love is gone when you can cry no more
Tears for what you trusted to come true
Tears for pretending he'd never hurt you

Arrow

Lies
    Eyes
        Reprise
               Tries
                    Flies...
               Spies
         Denies
    Cries
Lies

Nothingness

Oh my GOD!  He exclaimed
What WAS that horrible sound?
That's the sound of my heart being dragged across the ground
He looked down
And why are my hands scratched?  Full of rocks and debris?
What happened?
An accident...she said softly
Why is there blood  all over my fingers?
She paused uneasily...started to speak...then lingered
Looking back over her shoulder with a smile too thin
she surveyed the horror scene caused by him
Her trust had been torn from her love and truth
Her happiness was knocked from her dreams and youth
Her hope had been shattered into a million deaths
and her heart --well her heart had disintegrated
into complete nothingness

The Simple Truth

Secrets unfolded from hundreds of lies
lining the years I would have to deny
to make sense of the reasons -- why even try?
Just count the treasons he committed that night...

Lies became secrets numbering the years
Devoting my nights to hundreds of tears
Unable to justify the root of my fears
Although his deception was perfectly clear...
Remembering his final goodbye...

So selfish and insincere

Dedication

My heart knows you've found love and peace
a genuine happiness overwhelms me
I'm happy for you seems so cliche
to say the least
but I really am overjoyed
For the high prices you paid
that you have found your heart's best friend
who will be with you in body, mind, spirit and more...
until the very end

Tarnished

Simply forgotten? Written off your page?
Beauty and friendship disappeared somehow?
Wiped clean from memories that we once made?
Our past some stale mockery of a vow --
"To love, forever cherish --come what May"
Mmmm. What you said I once believed was true
Until I could no longer hide the stains
of bloody hope from always loving you...
Do not exist in me you wretched girl!
Betrayed by you, time and faux promises!
Hurled towards the ocean deep, my Tarnished Pearl
clamped firmly in your dreams you witness this:
I toss you into black infinity
with all the life and love you took from me!

Afterness

His hands and feet are yours, his heart is mine;
The way he moves his words and thoughts around
Deep eyes reflecting life and love combined
distracting regrets we can't turn around
Poetic puzzles dance around his world
I watch the shapes and colors come alive
His universe abounds with rainbow swirls
before the rain appears and tears collide
He's always had the light inside of him
Perfected curiosity his goal
A voice resembling you and me within
guides softly as the Grand Design unfolds
Will you forget his genuine laughter
while you live happily ever after?

Ink

I'm proud of you and everything you'll be
red lines -- their names--  were whipped upon your back
But through my love I hope that you can see
one name that still remains written in black
Scratch out the past, the people who still try
to deceive you, confuse you, bring you down
Move forward love, not even asking why
slip past their grip, and leave without a sound
The future is your book, so write a page,
a chapter each day, a story of love
A pen will replace the sword used to slay
your confidence; now draw what you deserve
If you lose sight of what you need to do,
just retrace the name inked on your tattoo

Calm

No longer borne of the face
of impatience and fear;
Just an aching desire
of wanting you near
Old doubts have no room
to become idle tools of deceit
and are replaced permanently
with soft kisses when we meet
Calm I whisper quietly
There you are, my friend
And my faith in your love
surrounds us once again

Dawn

Just as dawn makes her way
past the morning dove's song
this soft, gentle rain begins to fade
My soul stands at the window
looking out past the light
feeling too far away
Left hand to the glass
my breathing still as death
daring to touch your heartbeat
From a thousand miles away
while you sleep unaware
playing your dreams on repeat
I close my eyes tightly
giving into my solitude
and reach across space and time
to hear your quiet
to touch your skin
determined to see a sign
Just as dawn makes her way
past your deep and dreamfilled sleep...
I swear I can hear you sigh

Orbit

Stars and galaxies
spinning inside of my heart
Passing gravities
unlocked in the dark
Intensified fires
between space and light
Supernovas igniting
when I kiss you tonight...

Overwhelmed

Ancient trees bend and sway
and proudly lead the way
to my resting place of inner peace and balance
Calming my tired, restless soul
burying the dangerous, senseless fear
that threatened my gentle heart with lies and malice
My fingers split the water
rippling hope and spots of joy
clearing the conscience for the endless skies above
Ancient trees sway and bend
and gently show me the end
to the right of calm, to the center of your love