Experts

We're good?
Yes. We're good.
Was that a lie?
Yes that was a lie
So..we're good?
We're good

We are experts
at faithully lying to each other
through sparkling white
truth-clenched teeth

Backburner

A strange smell wafts into the room
crisp, overcooked, almost charred;
beating heart mixed with scraped metal
Too much tenderness
combined with thoughtlessness
I felt comfortable and warm at one time
but over time
my skin began to melt
In the overwhelming heat
surrounded by nothing
but my own sweat and hope
I wait
for love and attention
that will always come too late
I close my eyes
Let the flames die with me!
as you strike the match again
to light the backburner...

Down

My head is hanging
so far down below;
Reality shows
your time is precious
with everyone but me
I feel tested constantly
Seconds stand still
Minutes are stuck
And not even you
can get me to look up

Shout

At the top of my lungs
Or with barely a whisper
crying only your name
I find over time
with each missing sign
I'm calling for you
in vain

Red Blooms

red blooms like lipstick
smearing your name on the wind
wither in silence

Unbreakable

I'm trying to break through your walls of steel
with bloodied ego I swallow the taste
of the pill that brings me nothing but ill
feelings and hunger that will go to waste
Your cries at night have me scratching at screens
flimsy defenses to keep you alone
By morning light things are not what they seemed
You will forget all I've given and done
You'll hide in the chaos: distracted hours
where others need you -- but not like I do
And ferment the moment when love grows sour
because you have me, but I don't have you
Risking my last life to tear down your walls
knowing you won't be there for me at all

Ice Blue

Icy blue eyes
frozen from lies
told and untold
in between
cold sheets and thighs...
Melt in the green
despite futures unseen
kissing and sweating
on top of
warm sheets and sighs

Italicized Numb

I cling to you like
solidified superglue
but you scratch, peel
and bend back
my strong, loving grasp
until the bones in my fingers
finally give way and crack
One break, equals one tear
producing the sum of my fears:
I hold tightly to nothing
and you're never here
I'm broken --
(italicized numb)
as my once permanent grip
comes completely undone

Midnight Tears

You only show me love
when you really fuck things up
You only show your pain
when you pierce my tender heart
You only turn around
when I hide inside of my cave
Then and only then
do you remember
the promises you made...
When you need more space
I give you oceans to roam
and when you crave new company
I watch you leave our home
My lips can't break the distance
to whisper into your ear
reminding you of who we are;
to bring you right back here
Atonement is short lived...
flooded by midnight tears

Hesitation

Prostitution
has no limitations
but I'll quietly listen to
your justifications
Even so
my heart switched beats
to uncomfortable thoughts
and uneasy hesitation;
I thought we just left the place
of damaging doubts
and fearful reservations

Fear

If I didn't have Eyes
watching, judging
I would slit my dreams and let them bleed
If I didn't have innocent souls
depending, needing
I would cut my heart from my sleeve
Pierce it with the sharpened steel spear
of selfish hate and greed
choke on unforgiveness, fall to my broken knees
Die with no more witness
Die with bitter shame
Die with no more love from you
while crying out your name
Die for all I have lost
Die for all I have gained
Die for all of the promises
I swear they still remain...
Hope sleeps with patience
but faith disappears
futility breeds defeat
and laughs at all of my fears
Trust blackened and thrusted
upon a pale white skin
Silence stabs the new life
that tries to grow within
Silence murders the new life
before it has a chance to begin
Feed yourself with infinite lies
fear grows hungry again

Heartbeats

She warned me
I should have listened
but the sun glistened bright
upon your bruised skin
revealing to me more within
and I couldn't just leave you there
stuck in complete despair
I knew I could repair
the damage again
...
Your nervous smile that night
proved that I was right
in trusting you
and holding you
well into the night
Nothing was an act
unscripted passion that
surpassed what I believed
could ever be
And all this trusting
even as I'm writing
was you would always stay
and never leave
...
But somehow
you've forgotten this
calendars and promises
You've recreated you
and left me an eclipsed view
of the way real love
can always be unchristened
...
Patience is no longer my strength
but something allows me to think
It's worth the pain
to wait to hear your voice
The worst part still stands
with one touch of your hand
I know that I made the right choice

Concave

Somehwere behind the black tears
that plague my face today
I remember the way our hands fit
like a perfect puzzle -- and the way
your smile fuels the desire
burning inside of my eyes
while staring into emerald dreams
the way you read my mind...
I don't have a concave heart
for someone I need in my life
Come out of the dark
Please comfort my heart
before doubts hold me ransom tonight

unequal

seven plus one
as the sun sets
equals  the sum of
regret
you've calculated
everything
and decided to
subtract me
But how do you
evenly divide
three

Atrophy

Falling into loneliness
sorrow and sadness not far behind
Atrophied anger begins to unfold
and I'm finally losing my mind

Thinner

I will myself to feast on faith
but Job is still the winner
At the rate my patience
is thirsting and starving
I am losing all trust
because my resolve is wearing thinner

Torture Tool

Why the game?
I can't play it out
not with odd shaped rules
that push me away and out
Every tune rapes my ears
One specific song --
a torture tool
it's effect is too strong
One that never played
surrounding me all day
And those four words
all you dare say
What do you hope to prove to me?
That I'm bathed in nothing
but shameful futility?
I get it all-- I swear I do
but nothing will get through to you
You'll come out on the other side
in the light with someone else
And my stolen pride on display
in a trophy case somewhere in hell
I'm crawling into dangerous silence
desperately trying to hide
pen in crippled hand
while you ignore the coming life
Words press from my lips
like a million sharpened knives
carving into your revirgnized flesh;
The scarring proof I failed
this painful fucking test
just by looking into your eyes

Simple Logic

It's just a fucking phone
but I miss the constant tone
of your desire streaming through
and finally coming home
Where angels on the moon
are singing in my ear
reminding me very soon
you'll be next to me right here
Where I can feel your skin
and taste your secret smile
and I can watch you dream
in the darkness for awhile
It's just a fucking phone
but I miss the familiar tone
of your passion and desire
making me feel less alone

Midnight Blue

Driving into the woods
I feel defeated, depleted
Sorrow strengthens my fear
like a lifesaving insulin
Eyes focused on places and spaces
we will be or have already been
The air was too tight to grasp
so we collected it all into
one sigh, one kiss, one laugh
But under the midnight blue
I feel an invisible draft
coming between the hope and trust
in that beautiful, hopeful, comfortable
future, present and past