Life and Love

I felt you move
just slightly then
and welcomed you into my heart
This is the moment
where endless love begins;
The secret place
where motherhood starts
I feel you listening
to words and songs
I've written just for two
I know you now
it won't be long
until I'm holding you
Sleeping, dreaming
inside of a warm home
a priceless gift from above
Where God's own hand
has drawn your breath
and filled my life with love

Reunion

Just pull my hair tightly
like it's woven around your world
Fingers gripping my soul
the secrets of a little girl
Then kiss me so tenderly, passionately
never let me go
Just pull my body closer
and then you will know...

Tonight

The best of me
equals
the worst of
futility

Pacing

Pacing back and forth
burning holes into the ground
Straining to hear your voice
strange silence all around
Pacing in my cage
waiting for a sign
To break the bars
and run to you
Prepared to fight this time...

"Playdate"

Evil intentions
behind innocent eyes
Standing there between
two previous lives
I want no part of it
our fights and the pain
watch out -- you will be reunited
with them all once again
How could you trust
the ones who left you for dead?
Just a playdate with danger
something I most dread
I have no defense
from these thoughts in my head
It's out of my hands
and almost out of my heart
as I watch our new love
fall quickly apart
(She should have refused
right from the start)

There's always a reason
that you'll never see
it's a way to keep you
under tight scrutiny:
Information to harm you
just wait and see...

Game

Your poker face had a mask all its own
I couldn't see past the upside down frown
Performing the task of acting alone;
those misleading smiles like some rabid clown
As I paced up and down these empty halls,
you reached out and searched for someone, something
Not realizing you'd built up a wall
between you and me and everything
we had created from love, life and more
Placebo flutters from ego fueled highs
kept you safe behind a solid, locked door
while my patience waned and ran out of time
I may forgive you but I won't forget
the game that you played to lose my respect

Break

Nothing good
can come from a break
Just a postponed stall
of the bones that will crack
into microscopic pieces
as you fall apart;
the ones that protected
your trusting, tender heart
Some say you grow stronger
than you were before
when you sacrifice the pain
you won't hurt anymore
But I know the fracture
will always remain there
just under the surface
ready to be crushed again
when you are no longer there

Decree

You will love he said, outside of yourself
You will love them until you cannot give
You will feel years of pain --your private hell
but this is my will-- how you are to live
Don't ask questions when the fantasy ends
Take reality and be on your way
You will see how greed and selfishness win
But there is nothing you can do or say
to make love stay close -- inside of your arms
holding tightly to hope for something real
What will defend you and keep you from harm?
Nothing. Unless you beg, borrow and steal
The quiet moments that seem like true love?
They are just ruses until your life's done

Warning

Green, green, green
Yellow...
Green, green, green
Yellow...
Green, fast
Green, free
Green, thrill
Green, speed
Green, green, green
Crash.

White T-shirt

The saddest picture
in my mind
or in real time
is the image of
a heartbroken girl
with pigtails and knees
curled to chest;
White t-shirt
tainted by
black streaks
tears down her cheeks
repeating their song
and white cotton underwear
wondering where
it all went so wrong