Center

Is it okay to wish
for the way it used to be?
I miss the hourglass shape
of your tenacity
That constant persistence
bred my security
But now I taste
grains of doubts
Is it wrong to assume
that I turned you off
with my complicated heart
and emancipated talk?
Forcing you to run
before you could walk
where whispers turn into shouts
Is it okay to want
you to love me again?
Lean back to the beginning
where we never end
Confront the world spinning
into a thread that will mend
our fictitious centrifugal hearts

I miss feeling like your best friend

Never

The razor wasn't as painful
as your last words were to me
My heart began to stiffen
like some emotional atrophy
As I closed my eyes and waited
throughout the slow, iminent bleed
my mind was recreating
some distant memories
You held me close to your skin
I should have seen it then
And told me never would you hurt me
the way I was hurt by them
Never would you leave me
especially not now
My eyes opened to the pain
remembering I believed that vow
And now I feel the darkness
And now I see the end
The blood is intersecting
my hope that you will send
some sign or light from you
telling me it was a mistake
and that you need me forever
or your heart will finally break

Tell me you can't live without me
or that I am your worst mistake

Verdict

Further and further
on your least wanted list
Lies that you cradle
in your open fist
Pull back the punch
and start my bleeding
Your love, my hope
is finally fleeting
If I ever did this to you
the verdict would be cheating
on a gift of forever
and life would have no meaning
A prisoner of your time off
that you seem to enjoy
Victim of the games
you swear you don't employ
Murder to my mind
Shotgun to my heart
Your defense of selfishness
has torn my world apart
Smile through your teeth
as you stab the knife straight through
the one person you know
who truly loves you
And the phone won't ring
no emergencies here
Just a growing puddle of blood
mixing with my tears

Tested

My love is being tested
like Job in the desert
Time crawls like poisoned flies
dying slowly in the reserve
of toxic tears which disappear
into cracks between the ground
upon where I used to feel alive
Now silence all around
Sometimes doesn't justify
repeating each offense
Excuses only crucify
the meaning of repent
I stare intently at the rope
wondering how long it will take
to hang my regrets forever
and change my given fate

Daydream

A whisper for two
hints of our forever
Music softly plays
and the whole world
sees it:
What real love
looks and feels like
because we're together

Curious

I'd like to forget them
but it's doesn't work like that
These questions are forming
fears that I never had
I'd like to renew us
and start from the first step
since running will kill me
along with my regrets
But all of my attempts
bring me down to my face
They taste like sharp gravel
and misty eyed haste
I'd like to forget them
the numbers and names
but fear's curiosity 
will cause me more pain

Second

Just ten more minutes
I promise I'll call
after you need me
I know it's a stall
Just five more minutes
I'll be there, don't fear
maybe you'll forget
and sleep through your tears?
Now one more minute
outside of our own
takes you far away
further than you know
but when you feel lost
when you feel alone
you'll finally see it:
those minutes are gone
I needed your time
when you weren't around

4 AM

You are the one
I cannot live without
but in one moment of truth
you let the confidence out
Now the fear creeps in
waiting just beneath
my restless feelings of doubt
while you are sound asleep

Impenetrable

When I said I was impenetrable
I only meant my mind
My body, heart and soul
are made from softness you won't find
And with the right words
you will get by
but I will freeze myself in steel
with one more deliberate lie

Splinter

Will the skin grow over it
almost erasing the pain
Will I be able to ignore
that you hurt me again
Will I stay up late
picking at the very sore
that scarred my newborn skin
too many times before
Or will you slide another into me
promising just one more...

Sabotage

Sabotage is a related deception
used for your own protection
concealed in misperception
based on selfish conception
It suggests a dangerous direction
through stealth -- no means of detection
And the damage remains an affliction
long after your confession

Waste

You brushed the hair
out of my face
kept me safe
in your embrace
Created a peace
released my sighs
I never breathed
until I looked into your eyes
You completed my world
with a child's soul
said you'd love me
as we grow old
I need your touch
I long for your taste
but I see it all
has gone to waste

Polarities

A quick shy glance into his eyes told me
that everything I dreamed would come to pass
But stumbling blind and beaten recently
I've been shown that real love will never last
Shut memories of him into a void
where empty space and numbness will preside
over hope and trust. Lead me to a choice
of missing heartbeats when I am beside
a hidden, rocky path that led me home
The safest place I knew was in his kiss
or lying beneath his soft, husky tone
Before I felt his absence and the shift
in polarities of love without pain:
The difference between stable and insane

Repeat

Do you ever feel the words
stuck on repeat
Its the one song I hear
whenever you retreat
Permanent goodbyes
feel like a cold deceit
but I'll hurt much worse
if you never choose to speak...

Fence

Inside this beautiful chaos
I finally find
your choice to stay silent
means I lose my mind
If waiting isn't leaving
then how can that be
that I can't live without you
but you can live without me
It doesn't make sense
to my head or my heart
You putting up a fence
until we're no longer apart
And what of the day
I come running to you
just to show you the scars
and tell you we're through
My hearts need compassion
conversation and laughter
between now and when
we are happily ever after

Linked

You promised me
you would never leave
I'm begging you please
end this permanent reprieve
The love of your life
for one brief moment
Then a backstab of the knife
becomes my broken tourniquet
Unstopping the tears
I'm not supposed to shed
Bleeding out my fears
wishing I were dead
Switching on a light
like a frightened child
Chasing memories in the night
missing your laugh, your smile
The longer you steep your thoughts
in circumstancial atrophy
The quicker you bury my heart
in endless agony
I was to be your only one
you think so little of me now
This damage can be undone
remember your whispered vow
To hold the newborn soul in your hands
straight lines marked, lives linked forever
I'm doing the best I possibly can
but for you I'll make it better
Being without you
hurts more than being apart
You promised we'd see this through
You promised to take care of mine heart

Given

I didn't steal
your heart
like you say
you gave it to me
I gave you mine
then you threw both of them
away

Dismissed

My feelings wrapped in shadows
while you sleep through my tears:
You turn your back on me
dismiss those memories
and simply disappear

Nostalgia

Back to the bricks
where it started before
when I kissed you tenderly
as I came through the door
to your open, waiting heart
I was already craving more
of the ecstasy we'd share
on your bedroom floor
You lifted me off the ground
a high I couldn't ignore
and took me to a place
where we could explore
every fantasy you dreamed --
your personal little whore
I want to be back in your arms
where it started before

Observation

I am the spy, the fly upon your wall
Aromas of meals surround my distaste
And words exchanged here don't mix well at all
with flavors from where I originate
Where is the warm light? In darkness how can
You create new dreams or search for your home
This can't be your resting place, though I am
Just a fly in this rooom, and will be gone
After tomorrow, when I've seen too much
I'll vanish into my chaotic mind
Where images seem doubled, harsh and rough
And explanations never have their time;
You sit there in your peace so quietly
Wishing you were anywhere close to me

Surrender

Find your rocky path
with somebody next to you
poetry, pleas and burning tears
will never get the message through
Breathing to you is leaving to me
so keep the full moon at bay:
Shine her promises on someone new
and watch me fade away
There is nothing else I can possibly do
There is nothing more I can say
I surrender, you win, you want it to end
at least that's what you said today...

Silence

My heart has to hear
I love you
every single day
to know that you meant
forever
when you said you'd stay
My ears have to hear
your laughter
it's my lullaby
calming me when
I'm uncertain
soothing me when I cry
But my heart won't hear
I love you
every single day
just destructive, cold
silence
now that you've gone away

Betray

I knew my heart would betray me
It knew that you would leave
and so it stole my hidden strength
and my security
It mocked me as it ran to you
I watched in disbelief
as it forgave the pain I felt
and wouldn't let you see
my face twisted in anguish
me crashing to my knees
My endless hope has vanished
because you want to be
free to live without my love
in constant misery
I knew my heart would betray my soul
by letting you into me

Unsavor

I narrow my eyes
teeth clenched in anger
force myself to feel nothing
wanting to be strangled
by words that you won't speak
and love you claim to feel
so I can breathe one last breath
pretending some part of us was real
My lips bleed out from teeth
that bit into your soul
unsavoring the taste of you
until my heart grows cold

Ten Pounds

ten pounds of innocence
ten pounds of flesh
ten pounds of wondering
why this is for the best?
ten pounds of smiles
ten pounds of cries
ten pounds of protection
to hide what I feel inside
ten pounds of us
ten pounds of truth:
a lifetime of forever
without loving anyone but you

Trapped

I am trapped behind the glass
the same one you spoke about
encircled by rage and anger
I will never come out
If I could carve out my eyes
and make my mind disappear
I would use the deadliest cry
and slice each of my tears
Colorless, ambiguous lies
poison me like a gas
invisibly justified
but I refuse the mask
I'd rather breathe it in
ending my misery
leaving my hopes and dreams
with you, my beloved thief
I'm burning the stripes of summer
every smile, every look
every sigh, every whisper
that "circumstance" took
My God we had our own language!
But now mute, deaf and blind
we remain torn apart by fate's rusty hook
and leave it all behind

New Grief

I fall to the ground
taken by new grief
like some voodoo punctured doll
being stabbed on repeat
Chained to the sounds
Vibrating memories
against the same wall
that created the heat
that melted with our sex
as you held me in mid-air
fucking cheek to cheek
completely unaware
of anything but your touch,
the feel of you inside,
the taste of your pure lust
with love as the ultimate prize
Devestated and beaten
I lie on the floor
my heart broken, pausing
to stop and stare at the door
Where you won't be walking in
begging me for more
"Temporary goodbyes"
are too permanent to ignore

Concrete

By the letter of the law
you are right
but under the spirit of the law
like matters of the heart
things are not so
black and white...

Infinite

Every drop of rain

is a footprint
or a stain
towards you
but in vain

Everywhere rain falls

you'll hear my voice
it calls
upon your choice
to be without me

Tears from angels' eyes
drown the thunder
mask the sighs
echoes of your goodbye
will haunt me

Infinite proof again
my love for you
is your pain
inside of your heart
I remain...

Every drop of rain

Bleed

Rip off the band-aid
let it bleed
out of my veins
and into your need
to hold my lifeless
worthless grief
in your clenched fist

Irony

I cannot move for fear of losing ground
petrified by the sound of your goodbye
Cold and unsheltered the rain falls around
your silent sadness. More tears from my eyes
wash away lines in the sand that were drawn
too long ago before our love was right;
Next to each other whispering at dawn
Kissing your lips under first morning's light
Cradled in your arms, finally complete
every part of you brought me confidence
But I fall apart as I watch you leave
motivated by complete loneliness
My love, I know I cannot keep you here
a dying prisoner of my darkest fear

Reflection

Everytime he sighs
it reflects the love
in your beautiful green eyes
And when he smiles
it erases the miles
of untraveled
uncertain roads
between us

Speechless

Have you ever
been so at a loss
for anything to say
that a mirrored blade
across the throat
would speak louder
and bleed longer
than words?
I feel that way today

Black Daffodil

I am a misplaced crippled shadow
fading in the dark;
Hope desperately resting
one one single daffodil
whose petals have turned black
and already begun to fall

Fatal

Ego-fed hypocrisy
turns to reprimand
with the fetal positioned breakdown
I hold in my hand
Like a premature mental bomb
without a solid plan
Waiting to explode into
your doubting heart
All you see is fatality
But I'm doing all that I can

As I tear your mended wounds apart

Misunderstood

Love came to me
innocent and smiles
so full of hope
but little wisdom
Safe in my dreams
faith like a child's
Love spoke too softy
I didn't listen
Love whispered
to my deafening soul
you will have great memories
But I realize now, as I grow old
he actually said
you will break from misery

Backwards

I wanted to be born
at another time
when Elizabeth Browning
was so moved by rhymes
from her lover's kiss
with her thoughts entwined
around their private bliss
This should have been mine

I wanted my eyes
to glance longingly
upon my pride's own match
mirrored in Mr. Darcy
Oh to feel that moment
when he declared his heart
no longer in torment
or fear that we would part

Dear Emma and John
two best friends for life:
one proposed as her husband
one promised as his wife

I wanted to be born
at another time
when I could be yours
and you could be mine

Sunset

How suddenly
in an instant
can words resurface between
my past, present and future hope
of every dying dream...
Will whispers, promises and a distant kiss
satisfy what you really need...
Wardrobed in particles of setting sunlight
along a darkened stream

Happiness

A lover's song for you escapes my lips
attempting to redeem my missing touch
Upon your face my searching fingertips
will smooth your worried lines --but not enough
to turn the lonely nights into the dawn
where we lay silently in peaceful sleep
Our skin warmed by the rising of the sun
still flushed from our midnight intimacy
Oh how I love your mouth pressed hard upon
my own, my arms, my legs, my...everywhere!
The deepest fears in me are almost gone
as long as you promise me you'll be there
When moonlight and sunlight reflect our kiss
Where time and space become our happiness

Recycled

Monday is filled with love and happiness
Tuesday brings a growing stress
Wednesday forces a much needed talk
Thursday makes me want to crawl under a rock
Friday is mostly too cordial or silent
Saturday hurts like physical violence
Sunday feels like the only day of reflection
upon your recycled lack of affection

Between

The difference between
a smile and a tear
is a co-dependent choice
Only decided upon
before, after, and if
I finally hear your voice
The distance between
where we were and where we are
has yet to be secured
constantly tested and broken
by unsettled feelings
and the pain of being ignored

Vampire

I feel you shadow me
craving my pale white skin
drawn to your thirst for my blood
I'm aching to let you in
all the way to my heart
soul sacrificed to your need
never once fearing the pain
consuming me while you satisfy your greed
Curiously watching you inhale
my decadent scent as I continue to bleed
Something inside of me burns
destroying fabrics of heartaches before
fire constricts my breathing
as my nails scrape the marble floor
Cool stone combines with flames
venom spreads to my innermost core
Dying slowly for you
my eyes still begging for more...

Shattered

The irony of
a soft, comforting moon
only assures me
you won't be home soon
and the promise "in a little bit"
becomes the words unspoken
during the agonizing days
my heart will be broken
The euphoria of change
didn't last long
I'm dancing alone again
to a frighteningly familiar song
This constant preference for quiet
is just a kinder form of violence
but I still bleed the same
under the shattering sounds of silence
I surrender my hopes
to the comfortable lie
and watch my heart suffer
in the place dreams die

Capsule

Your eyes are a capsule
of mysterious green dreams and peace
but they lie dormant like a sun
filled with her moon's hypnotic deceit

Dollhouse

Staring at the perfection
white hope, green trim
I recall the plans I made
the joy I found within
Creating heart and home
I was so sure would be mine
Where did I lose the confidence?
What caused this paradigm
of feeling so unloved
and veering way off track?
No longer tending to my garden,
becoming the perfect
"Welcome Home" door mat

Faded

Rip your heart from its ragged sleeve
Bury your love from lies and deceit
Ignore the yearning for your breath to resume
Let your dreams die in this stone cold tomb;
The carefree waves are a ploy, a tease
caressing your skin then pulling back to the sea
You could chase them hoping to feel alive again
but you'll find they disappear upon the sand
Sticks and stones bring very little harm
when marinated by the ocean's charms
But in the concrete grave you'll stay
when all the water has faded away

Experts

We're good?
Yes. We're good.
Was that a lie?
Yes that was a lie
So..we're good?
We're good

We are experts
at faithully lying to each other
through sparkling white
truth-clenched teeth

Backburner

A strange smell wafts into the room
crisp, overcooked, almost charred;
beating heart mixed with scraped metal
Too much tenderness
combined with thoughtlessness
I felt comfortable and warm at one time
but over time
my skin began to melt
In the overwhelming heat
surrounded by nothing
but my own sweat and hope
I wait
for love and attention
that will always come too late
I close my eyes
Let the flames die with me!
as you strike the match again
to light the backburner...

Down

My head is hanging
so far down below;
Reality shows
your time is precious
with everyone but me
I feel tested constantly
Seconds stand still
Minutes are stuck
And not even you
can get me to look up

Shout

At the top of my lungs
Or with barely a whisper
crying only your name
I find over time
with each missing sign
I'm calling for you
in vain

Red Blooms

red blooms like lipstick
smearing your name on the wind
wither in silence

Unbreakable

I'm trying to break through your walls of steel
with bloodied ego I swallow the taste
of the pill that brings me nothing but ill
feelings and hunger that will go to waste
Your cries at night have me scratching at screens
flimsy defenses to keep you alone
By morning light things are not what they seemed
You will forget all I've given and done
You'll hide in the chaos: distracted hours
where others need you -- but not like I do
And ferment the moment when love grows sour
because you have me, but I don't have you
Risking my last life to tear down your walls
knowing you won't be there for me at all

Ice Blue

Icy blue eyes
frozen from lies
told and untold
in between
cold sheets and thighs...
Melt in the green
despite futures unseen
kissing and sweating
on top of
warm sheets and sighs

Italicized Numb

I cling to you like
solidified superglue
but you scratch, peel
and bend back
my strong, loving grasp
until the bones in my fingers
finally give way and crack
One break, equals one tear
producing the sum of my fears:
I hold tightly to nothing
and you're never here
I'm broken --
(italicized numb)
as my once permanent grip
comes completely undone

Midnight Tears

You only show me love
when you really fuck things up
You only show your pain
when you pierce my tender heart
You only turn around
when I hide inside of my cave
Then and only then
do you remember
the promises you made...
When you need more space
I give you oceans to roam
and when you crave new company
I watch you leave our home
My lips can't break the distance
to whisper into your ear
reminding you of who we are;
to bring you right back here
Atonement is short lived...
flooded by midnight tears

Hesitation

Prostitution
has no limitations
but I'll quietly listen to
your justifications
Even so
my heart switched beats
to uncomfortable thoughts
and uneasy hesitation;
I thought we just left the place
of damaging doubts
and fearful reservations

Fear

If I didn't have Eyes
watching, judging
I would slit my dreams and let them bleed
If I didn't have innocent souls
depending, needing
I would cut my heart from my sleeve
Pierce it with the sharpened steel spear
of selfish hate and greed
choke on unforgiveness, fall to my broken knees
Die with no more witness
Die with bitter shame
Die with no more love from you
while crying out your name
Die for all I have lost
Die for all I have gained
Die for all of the promises
I swear they still remain...
Hope sleeps with patience
but faith disappears
futility breeds defeat
and laughs at all of my fears
Trust blackened and thrusted
upon a pale white skin
Silence stabs the new life
that tries to grow within
Silence murders the new life
before it has a chance to begin
Feed yourself with infinite lies
fear grows hungry again

Heartbeats

She warned me
I should have listened
but the sun glistened bright
upon your bruised skin
revealing to me more within
and I couldn't just leave you there
stuck in complete despair
I knew I could repair
the damage again
...
Your nervous smile that night
proved that I was right
in trusting you
and holding you
well into the night
Nothing was an act
unscripted passion that
surpassed what I believed
could ever be
And all this trusting
even as I'm writing
was you would always stay
and never leave
...
But somehow
you've forgotten this
calendars and promises
You've recreated you
and left me an eclipsed view
of the way real love
can always be unchristened
...
Patience is no longer my strength
but something allows me to think
It's worth the pain
to wait to hear your voice
The worst part still stands
with one touch of your hand
I know that I made the right choice

Concave

Somehwere behind the black tears
that plague my face today
I remember the way our hands fit
like a perfect puzzle -- and the way
your smile fuels the desire
burning inside of my eyes
while staring into emerald dreams
the way you read my mind...
I don't have a concave heart
for someone I need in my life
Come out of the dark
Please comfort my heart
before doubts hold me ransom tonight

unequal

seven plus one
as the sun sets
equals  the sum of
regret
you've calculated
everything
and decided to
subtract me
But how do you
evenly divide
three

Atrophy

Falling into loneliness
sorrow and sadness not far behind
Atrophied anger begins to unfold
and I'm finally losing my mind

Thinner

I will myself to feast on faith
but Job is still the winner
At the rate my patience
is thirsting and starving
I am losing all trust
because my resolve is wearing thinner

Torture Tool

Why the game?
I can't play it out
not with odd shaped rules
that push me away and out
Every tune rapes my ears
One specific song --
a torture tool
it's effect is too strong
One that never played
surrounding me all day
And those four words
all you dare say
What do you hope to prove to me?
That I'm bathed in nothing
but shameful futility?
I get it all-- I swear I do
but nothing will get through to you
You'll come out on the other side
in the light with someone else
And my stolen pride on display
in a trophy case somewhere in hell
I'm crawling into dangerous silence
desperately trying to hide
pen in crippled hand
while you ignore the coming life
Words press from my lips
like a million sharpened knives
carving into your revirgnized flesh;
The scarring proof I failed
this painful fucking test
just by looking into your eyes

Simple Logic

It's just a fucking phone
but I miss the constant tone
of your desire streaming through
and finally coming home
Where angels on the moon
are singing in my ear
reminding me very soon
you'll be next to me right here
Where I can feel your skin
and taste your secret smile
and I can watch you dream
in the darkness for awhile
It's just a fucking phone
but I miss the familiar tone
of your passion and desire
making me feel less alone

Midnight Blue

Driving into the woods
I feel defeated, depleted
Sorrow strengthens my fear
like a lifesaving insulin
Eyes focused on places and spaces
we will be or have already been
The air was too tight to grasp
so we collected it all into
one sigh, one kiss, one laugh
But under the midnight blue
I feel an invisible draft
coming between the hope and trust
in that beautiful, hopeful, comfortable
future, present and past

Room 462

I'll slip into your room
quietly breathing
I'm sure you'll be well soon
but right now you need me
I'll slide on my white mini skirt
the one with the middle slit
lean over you whispering softly
this won't hurt one bit
Kiss your sleeping lips
stroke your fevered face
lie right next to you
even though you need your space
Give you all my love
nurse you back to health
so I can bring you home
and have you all to myself...

Forecast

The trees are bending
creaking and crying
helpless in the wind's powerful hands
Through the uninvited chills
and severe current change,
I will hold on as tightly as I can

Good Mother

You calm my worries like no one else can
with soft, kind words and a long distance smile
I felt so alone but you held my hand
through space and comforted me for awhile
Advice from a mother is precious food
for the soul that is starving for answers
I needed to feed on some bowl of truth;
you served my hungry mind second chances
Tonight, dreaming and sleeping will replace
the pacing of footsteps, and falling tears
You gave me courage to restore my faith
and to release my mind-altering fears
Throughout his sickness and discomfort you
reassured me like all good mothers do

For EB

More, Best

Juliet only plunged the iron dagger
into her permanent broken heart
to outdo Romeo's final show of affection
But the mere illusion of poisoning himself
could have been out of the question!
Did he really plan to fall?
Or was she the one who sacrificed it all?
Star crossed lovers?  Indeed.
But in the end, they both concede
to love's ultimate relationship test:
Who loves who more, and best?

Unfinished

I didn't recognize the sun today
hiding behind teardrops from a grey sky
No sounds attempted to take me away
my place of comfort has lost its light
Furrowed brow wrinkled from feeling so scorned
eyes red with acid like pain from no sleep
I'm in denial, all logic is worn
betrayed by promises I thought you'd keep
I walk on the sand, so alone, wet and cold;
"My footsteps left no trace on your soul?"
I see myself growing silent and old
Trapped and unfinished like a hidden pearl
My destiny was to be held and cherished
by your hands alone -- no strangers allowed
to scuff the potential love so polished
enough to shine bright in the dirtiest crowd
The water washes my sadness ashore
and I decide not to love anymore

Momentary Relief

He turns his face toward me as if to say
every word that someone else will not speak
An echo in his heartbeat sings my faith
and redirects the slightest doubts to leave
To watch him breathe and yawn brings such relief --
despite the red alarms he's holding on!
Those hours in fear give me the proof I need:
His will to live will always be that strong
A warning sign sent down from higher hands
To reconfirm the purpose of his birth
A Father's love has sent a second chance
Reminding me how much new life is worth
But here I face the harsh reality;
When you made your choice, why wasn't it me?

Red Fear

Crimson pains paint
horror stained fears
upon your cruel silence
and I weep for the years
you will never be blessed
to remember me dear
to know that I loved you
more than anyone here

Stoned

Your lies
compromise
rationalize
but never
empathize
or sympathize
with the
honesty
and truth
inside of
my eyes

Compromise

Selfless
enables
Selfish

Caution

Caution is yellow
not a fatal ending
it's a slow, sure approach
to the stop sign that's pending
But overused and abused
it can bring you to standstill
Then reroute your hearts
into the relationship landfill

Stood Up

Sinking feeling
eyes avert
from a shallow breathing
to a deeper hurt
Craving something
you didn't give
No justification
No reprieve
Tears stream downward
nothing will suffice
Was it really worth it
to roll the dice?

Our Beach

I know that you will take me there
on cool sands lit by silver stares
from a wistful moon under the sultry, salt air
embracing me while you stroke my hair
I know that you will touch my face
with softness, love and perfect grace
between the docks –our secret place –
find me waiting in black lace…
Sealing forever with a single kiss
reminding most of the love I will miss
closing my heart to reserve that bliss
I know that you will show me this

Previews

Previews of spring scents bring
reminders of summer blooms
And I fall backwards into a sea
of deep sleep past winter's gloom

Blindsided

I wasn't preprared for you to hurt me
What? Blindsided by a head-on crash?
I was bleeding internally
(no first aid in sight)
and you never even looked back...
But worse than the trauma and shock
of you coasting on auto-lie
was the way I felt that you veered from me
so someone else wouldn't have to die
Now with broken ribs unable
to protect me from the possibility
of another crash
(perhaps a fatal one)
Can't you even see?
All you had to do
was drive straight home
and tell the absolute truth to me.

Spare Key

Louder than the Raven crying out Nevermore!
The scavenger flaps her wings and screeches
outside of your slightly cracked door
More powerful than the beating of the Tell-Tale Heart
A murderess plans her victim's death
from the very start
Painful like a repeated
graphic, horror flick torture scene
A sick, twisted killer hacks at my bones
until my soul is picked clean

Angry, enraged like a predator
would never want its prey to be
Now I'm the one waiting outside of your door
but I have a spare key...

Black Lace

The memory of black lace lingers
upon your hungry, salivating lips
like the flavor that haunts me:
Our first dangerously passionate,
decadent but indestructable kiss

Decisions

Decisions to be made
are like a blockade of worry
in front of my loyal, loving heart
In giving everything to you
I promise to see you through
even if it permanently tears us apart...

Warning

Sickened to my stomach at the first sight
of cheshire grins that plaster your face.
Smug victory -- although you didn't fight
I'm living here in your could-have-been space!
Emotionless greed plagues your twisted soul
Innocent, loving hearts will soon prevail...
Remember my promise as you grow old:
I'll more than succeed where you always failed.
Just a fair warning to you and your cause -
You don't fool me...I see fear in your eyes.
Those watchers are blind with fatal applause
Welcoming grief as your happiness dies.
Do not assume I cannot use violence;
Trust me.  I'll choke your breath with my silence.

Indiana

The song in my head is only visible to me
while I'm wearing my hat and climbing this tree
Today I've become what I need to be:
a hero escaping the tombs of captivity
I will crack my whip upon this stone
I am the fearless, clever Indiana Jones!

Lie

A lie begans to age before it's spoken
preserving fears and doubts with raw deceit
Ending the innocence that stands unbroken
A lie sleeps in the heart of everyone you meet...

Reminder

Gingerly, tenderly, he unwrapped her
His eyes could barely comprehend the
scattered black and purple bruises
random zig-zag stitching and
visible jagged scars upon her heart
He slowly, softly, carefully swaddled her
in clean, fresh cloths of security;
His searching lips found her trembling kiss
To help heal her deep wounds
He held her so close
cradling her safely
to stop her shaking
Looking into her red, tired, swollen eyes
in complete disbelief he inquired
“My God!!
Who in the world did this to you, my love?
Damaging you so deliberately, so carelessly?"
She took his hand in hers,
looked directly into his eyes,
fought back her tears and whispered,

“You did.”

Always and Forever

Love is not some overdue debt to be paid
Love is a soothing massage when your nerves are frayed
Love is not the line between wrong and right
Love is the warm touch in the middle of the night
Love is not a lie cleverly wrapped in deceit
Love is the cut healed after wounds will bleed
Love is not some distant, far off voice
Asking for another chance when you already had the choice
Love is permission not often granted
When love has been abused and trust is recanted
Love is not the coma we hide behind in our sleep
Love is vast like the ocean, and dangerously deep
Love is not fear stemming from silence
Love is the absolute cure to hatred and violence
Love is not fair weather to all who seek her rain
Love is constant pleasure with very little pain
Love is not a bargain you have to take home
Love is security to prevent you from feeling alone
Love is not excuses for what went awry
Love is forgiveness with that look in your eye…
Love is not the climax at the height of our sex
Love is the soft kiss that dances across my neck
Love is not the discomfort and changes over the months
Love is the first sign of life; a kick from that bump
Love is not ageless or pure paradise
Love is growing old with you under sunset skies
Love is simply love in all its entirety
Love is always me and you
Love is forever you and me

To My Muse

Oh, how I wish you could feel
                        the freedom of the words
                        flowing in unison with my tears
                        My thoughts become your lips
                        speaking the blessing
                        of inspiration to my hands
                        creating the very life
                        inside of the poem I breathe to you

                        There is no poetry in my soul
                        without you,
                        no thought worth warming
                        without you
                        There is no passion in the spoken dream
                        without the soul and heart
                        found in the inspiration of you

Life and Love

I felt you move
just slightly then
and welcomed you into my heart
This is the moment
where endless love begins;
The secret place
where motherhood starts
I feel you listening
to words and songs
I've written just for two
I know you now
it won't be long
until I'm holding you
Sleeping, dreaming
inside of a warm home
a priceless gift from above
Where God's own hand
has drawn your breath
and filled my life with love

Reunion

Just pull my hair tightly
like it's woven around your world
Fingers gripping my soul
the secrets of a little girl
Then kiss me so tenderly, passionately
never let me go
Just pull my body closer
and then you will know...

Tonight

The best of me
equals
the worst of
futility

Pacing

Pacing back and forth
burning holes into the ground
Straining to hear your voice
strange silence all around
Pacing in my cage
waiting for a sign
To break the bars
and run to you
Prepared to fight this time...

"Playdate"

Evil intentions
behind innocent eyes
Standing there between
two previous lives
I want no part of it
our fights and the pain
watch out -- you will be reunited
with them all once again
How could you trust
the ones who left you for dead?
Just a playdate with danger
something I most dread
I have no defense
from these thoughts in my head
It's out of my hands
and almost out of my heart
as I watch our new love
fall quickly apart
(She should have refused
right from the start)

There's always a reason
that you'll never see
it's a way to keep you
under tight scrutiny:
Information to harm you
just wait and see...

Game

Your poker face had a mask all its own
I couldn't see past the upside down frown
Performing the task of acting alone;
those misleading smiles like some rabid clown
As I paced up and down these empty halls,
you reached out and searched for someone, something
Not realizing you'd built up a wall
between you and me and everything
we had created from love, life and more
Placebo flutters from ego fueled highs
kept you safe behind a solid, locked door
while my patience waned and ran out of time
I may forgive you but I won't forget
the game that you played to lose my respect

Break

Nothing good
can come from a break
Just a postponed stall
of the bones that will crack
into microscopic pieces
as you fall apart;
the ones that protected
your trusting, tender heart
Some say you grow stronger
than you were before
when you sacrifice the pain
you won't hurt anymore
But I know the fracture
will always remain there
just under the surface
ready to be crushed again
when you are no longer there

Decree

You will love he said, outside of yourself
You will love them until you cannot give
You will feel years of pain --your private hell
but this is my will-- how you are to live
Don't ask questions when the fantasy ends
Take reality and be on your way
You will see how greed and selfishness win
But there is nothing you can do or say
to make love stay close -- inside of your arms
holding tightly to hope for something real
What will defend you and keep you from harm?
Nothing. Unless you beg, borrow and steal
The quiet moments that seem like true love?
They are just ruses until your life's done

Warning

Green, green, green
Yellow...
Green, green, green
Yellow...
Green, fast
Green, free
Green, thrill
Green, speed
Green, green, green
Crash.

White T-shirt

The saddest picture
in my mind
or in real time
is the image of
a heartbroken girl
with pigtails and knees
curled to chest;
White t-shirt
tainted by
black streaks
tears down her cheeks
repeating their song
and white cotton underwear
wondering where
it all went so wrong