Disconnected

He moves and yet you still will never know
the way my soul will stretch too far to break
into an open grave for as he grows
he's dying to reclaim a past mistake
Come here! Oh, if you could you'd hear his voice
a soft and loving coo from deep within
But realize he'll never have the choice
to stay inside the place where it begins;
The dream of life and love as it should be
encapsulates closed flutters of his lids
The hope for anti-animosity
will shed itself from what his hands can give
He sleeps now, quietly so far to go
And while he waits, you still will never know

The Letter

The letter --
was it a misprint?
Sent via careless forethought?
Scratchy and nervous manuscript
I deserved what I got
Was it some kind of missing apology
that you found but quickly lost?
Did you know it made me cry again?
You didn't stop to subtract the cost?!
Regardless of your reason
It's at the very bottom
of an abandoned, overfilled trashlot

Fragments

Fragments of discussions
linger on my mind
Frustrated awareness
our thoughts are not aligned
Like rushing into a battle
filled with hidden mines
Shrapnel tears right through me
While I bleed double time

Choose

Take her offer
she won't let you refuse
Let her have all of you
she knows how to abuse
The private and public
ways to amuse
Her greedy needs
however --
you choose...

Meditation

Your familiar soul
alive from the stars
Your repertoire of breaths
intertwined within mine
And you meditate so quietly
so close to my heart
An unborn son
a priceless gift
another precious life

*for AJ

Consume

Touch me…caress me…take me
glide your hands across my skin
Curl your fingers around my own
releasing my desires within
Kiss me deeply – consume me with love
like the ocean surrounds the blue
Run your fingers through my silky hair
make me beg for you
Wrap your body tightly around mine
pull me close to your searching lips
Surrender to our synchronized sighs
This is how tonight begins…

Bridge

Silence is
a long and solid 
sturdy bridge
to Anger

Angel's Lovesong

Return the angel’s quiet song
to Heaven now
her voice is strained
and faded from the cold
Miscalculate the tears she hides
while she is falling down
as angel’s wings will finally unfold;
Repeat the sound
as angel’s love is sanctified
despite the fact
her dreams are growing old
Decrease the price
as angel’s love is demoralized
bought for one again,
then quickly sold

Telescope

telescope the night
planets reflect short footsteps
light years in between

Father's Devotion

deep wrinkles reveal
engraved long hours of worries
desperate devotion

Sparrow

sparrow sings softly
lonely beneath winter chills
cradling summer's hope

Serpent

My will allows this sadness to unfold:
uncoiled anger, resentment and deep fears
slide into me and tongue fuck my remorse
inside a darkened room where you're not here
The sex and silence shed from serpent scales
are dead in piles of dust upon the ground
I feel the venom pierce my heart like nails
but never will I utter one more sound
I take the vile creature into my arms
attempt to soothe and drain his greedy needs
but something breaks his false and shady charm
and then he strikes me -- leaving wounds that bleed
For years and years without healing in sight
I slowly die from each strategic bite

Hibernation

Hibernate my passion
quiet determination
Curled into a cocoon
of metaphored frustration
Confusion binds my wings
bruised from conversations
I will not concede
to anymore sensations

Retreat

seagull's lonesome cry
tall silhouette disappears
dusk tipped waves retreat

Florida

My eyes narrow and strain
to carefully focus
on the traces
of where you've been
and the brilliant
late afternoon view
But the footprints confuse me
too many to separate
and all I see
are the future places
I long to be with you

Connected (Sweet and Simple Reflection)

Missed you throughout the night
will long for you during the day
But I feel you deep inside of my soul
in all that I do and say
I love you with all of my heart
Trying to make you see
We may be miles apart
but you are always right here with me
My feelings are deadly fragile
your voice is desperately calling
My heart is controlling the weather
but your love keeps my soul from falling
Simple and sweet reflection:
futility redirected
Innocent heart's confession:
we are still connected
Comforting realization:
we are forever connected

Decree

One quick but delicate pattern
becomes a rhythm of hope
faster than before
softer within my heart
A prayer of wanting more
turns into guilty greed
but a stroke of permanent blush
is something that I need
I feel a sudden rush
my hand protects the womb
holding a firm decree
which I will know too soon
My gratefulness renewed
as I dream, hope, pray and think
will his eyes be blue
or will her smile be pink

Rewrites

So I'm your fool now? Some distrusted liar?
Your words are the anti-punchline to love
that I gave to you in complete desire
in genuine ecstasy --and for what?
So you can move on and rewrite your cause?
Recreate stories to wash your sins pure
Can poetry convey how hard it was
to give you myself based on "I'm not so sure"
or the moments you hurt me (I lost count) --
deserting me, not wanting me around?
My heart loved you most. My hands salted red;
stains from the tears you never felt me cry
when begging -- pleading -- for you to regret
the pain you inflicted from quiet lies
I'll play the bad girl -- the mean, heartless wench
Blooming amid your foul, deceitful stench

Comfortable Denial

Your not so subtle messages
and painful references
so much you now deny
are as comfortable to me as
a heart gasping for breath
crushed by broken ribs...
and two permanently swollen black eyes

Karma

Pure manmade evil
lurks inside of a synthetic religion
that encourages you
to turn your back
on your own flesh and blood
Karma has a way
of painfully reminding you
you made the wrong choice
to do something
you never should have done...
In this proverbial preacher's
final fight for our souls,
you are just one more
brainwashed, pathetically ironic pun

Kung Fu

Biu Jee
uses the low kick
and lower sweeps
felt by those
knocked down
or out of balance
But the grip
on the soul
remains

Memories and Cats

I read the book too soon again, I think
my hands are bloody from papercut words
Now I have to rid myself of the stink
from honey-matted, overstroked cat fur
found in between the pages of each thought
The memories are stories in their dreams
but they will never know the love we lost
as they pretend to live within the scenes
Sweetened quotes will become the sour puns
that lay upon your tongue like old stale glue
from envelopes that should have been undone
they burn in irony and rotted fumes
I won't commit these ones to mind and heart
I'll reach the end and rip the book apart

Perfect Aim

One hand protects heart
Love senses danger ahead
Man fires arrow

More or Less

The more signs I heed
The more that I fear
to slow down, speed up
will not bring you near...

The more love I feel
The less you can hold
young and foolish, aware of hate
how do we grow old...

The more words I write
The less thoughts you read
auto bio, public journal
or personal diary...

The more days that pass,
The more difficult it gets
To be without you, without us
And still, I have no regrets...

Greed

The witless cat
starving beside her bowl of fresh milk
meows loudly

Suffocate

My lips are purpled blue
from holding my breath
waiting for you
to challenge this test
of courage against fear
love against hate
hope against futility
or is it already too late...

Rag Doll

Everything we love eventually breaks
Did you hear my sigh? So empty. Lifeless.
Cold thoughts medicate the dull, steady ache
My heart screams death; I don't want to fight this.
Tear me up like a rag doll in some crazed
experiment gone wrong to prove you need
store bought loyalty and painted on grace
found in the stuffings of cheap memories
My arms no longer wrapped around your neck
in some toyish hope: "Hang onto your dreams!"
Dusty, forgotten, hidden in some chest
filled with discomfort; each ripped at the seams
You don't need a doll who loves without cause?
I don't need a heart who can't love at all

Scrape

That sound at the window I know it too well
she's hungry for more of you but won't ring the bell
I hear her scraping at your door again
scratching, clawing --she wants to break in
And if you so much as peer over the ledge
she will forever remain a wedge:
Unstoppable, permanent, destructive bitch
wanting you to cure her insatiable itch
She made her choice and once chance is enough
but these aftershocks and waiting rooms are lonely and tough
like the leather on your shoes that you want to wear forever
but the next time it rains they won't outlast the weather
Her control over you is one part of love I can't give
It's fueled by selfish greed and I will not live
in fear worrying about the things I don't know
Did she contact you again? Will you stay or go?
Between our hearts and hidden caves we reside
among the special places we try to hide

And my love, I really don't understand why

between trust and truth --you still choose to lie

when I adore you so much with a love so deep

Secrets between us will definitely keep

hurting our chances of real happiness

like being free from fears and constant stress

She will find the one way through your weakening door

and I will disappear to an isolated shore

where waiting and hope are demons in company

reminding me of all that I gave you --she took from me
But I hear her pounding on the door again
She's getting louder and stronger
Please.  Do not let her in.
She's using them to hurt you
they will be fine
But you only have one life

one heart and one soul
and so little time...
I pray to God everyday
you will not let her win....
If you let your guard down even slightly
it will be the end

Critical Listening

When I tell you specifically
the deepest cravings of my soul
I am not being cryptic
It's like symmetrically lining
the last deadly kiss
before applying my lipstick:
I want to be tied with ropes
of total possession and jealousy
and forced to watch you
act out a passion play
of demonic desire for me

A Toast To The Winner

I raise my glass to your silence tonight
In praise of the greed used to crush my heart
Salute to the wrong you'll swear that was right
When making the move to break me apart
Like tasty bites of the bread we consumed
When your eyes never left my loving stare
Like the destruction of walls that entombed
My fear: pain buried from previous tears
Tonight's ring should have been loud and earnest
Warning you of the growing frustration
Instead, you chose to ignore the certain
Clues, words or verbal retaliation
If life's a game to you then go -- win it
I won't wait here and hope to be in it

Half-Price Ego

That ego you bought
at the half-price sale
is just another irregular
hand-me-down from hell
So when you wear it
and you wear it so well
remember to roll up the sleeves
so we can all tell
that you've kept your hands as clean
as the dirt where your soul fell
into the cheapest bin
of some thrift store in hell

In Defense of Me-Ism (You-Ism)

There is no justification
for the graphic annihilation
of the soul's anticipation that
someday
you will love
something
more than yourself

2nd

I've stood in line
behind people and time
clawing at your heart and mind
Patience is a virtue
I've used to heal what hurt you
but I still cry at night --
when do I get
mine?

Momentary Lapse

How foolish I have been to think that I
could void my heart of insecurities!
The same fears that could never justfiy
my growing feelings of futility
I've wandered too far into the past tense
remembering the painful thoughts they brought
observing you and me from some high fence
not knowing all the joy, fear, pain, and loss
It chokes my throat like hands around my mind
squeezing out the hope and faith I once had
And leaves me with repeated, faded lines
overused scenes of what should have been said
I'll leave you to your fans, your memories
and crawl back to my dark, quiet retreat

Want

I want you to love me
with all of your soul
Hold me close to you
until we grow old
Touch me and taste me
just like the first time
Lay here beside me
until we run out of rhymes...
Then begin with new words
from my lips to your ears
Kiss sealed promises
of cherished future years
I want to love you
for the rest of your life;
Best friend and lover,
mother and wife

One and Only

Take me into your arms
touch me tenderly,
just enough to tease me
tweak my virgin strings
Slowly, softly finger me
until our rhythm bursts
Faster, make me scream
your pain repeated verse
This love you have for me
I will not let you down
We’ll conquer all who see
our desires tightly bound
One body and soul on stage
where the deafening lights are loud
Or in a dark, private place
and we both know how
to bring our music
to the ultimate high:
a two way blinding ecstasy
where passion freezes time
Nothing can replace us
I know who you are
Playing out my fantasy
with my one and only
guitar

Stolen

Your thoughts and mine
like oceans divided by lines
and spaces between dreams
Let love intertwine
itself around hope
and silently dance
upon fate's envious chance;
Mend the jagged seams
of damaged hearts and minds
until we can redeem
the stolen gift of time

Justification of a Half-Truth

You can share it with the world
your justified hate
pray the pseudo rosary
pretend to meditate
But see how you forget
when cursing out my name
to admit that you have yet
to accept some of the blame
You can purify your soul
scrawls of painful, angry verse
undermine the foolish fool
revalue your self-worth
But look me in the eye
with brutal honesty
remember I left you
after you walked out on me
Run, go write your heart out
accuse me of grave faults
Bury all of your secrets
in half-filled vaults
Battle ghosts and demons
proclaiming you were wronged
But I dare you to listen
to the real tune of our broken song
The lies you told me were small and few
but they kept me from knowing
and being with you
Not uncontrolled circumstances
or locks on people's gates
Just loss of total trust
and break of endless faith
I did my part for years
with patient heed
Faced all of my fears
and I did bleed...
So when you lament
of Beauty's love that failed
give half credit to the heart
that you knowingly impaled

Zombie Soup

Shattered heart around my mind
fuels no chance for sleep
like frustration flavored zombie soup
A sense of time patterened sickness
reminds me of the need
to appease this restricted hunger
Even leftover stale bread crumbs
will eventually soak up
the insomnia colored
amniotic tidal waves

Amtrak

It wasn't the soft morning high
of the bleary-eyed lullabye
sung by the bird's perfect tunes
Or the rude awakening lurch
forward facing train's strict march
that allowed me to break in front of you
It was the sadness of your sigh
the misty handprinted goodbye
on the window that I just couldn't see
And it was the way my heart fell
onto the second and third rail
crying "take my life now ---
so that you can breathe"

Dedication

Throw blood crusted confetti

thread your old, rusted machete

through the middle of his

broken heart

It's the anti-celebration

of blackened jubilation

dedicated to the day

you ripped his world apart

Shift

The cold, still silence makes a sudden move
I feel a shift --a change in direction
Our world is spinning too fast for this groove
of poverty, hate, fatal infection
Watch for the signs on the side of the few
paths that will carry you to endless faith
Hear how they loudly proclaim to know you
their laws in their books cannot imitate
The love that you hold for the chosen souls
who will kneel and bow before your command
To fight, teach or die - whatever they're told
To preserve the hope, to destroy this land
Something is out there waiting patiently
Cloaked in the scent of a new enemy

Trial

You scrape
and dig
through coffin splintered hate
I cry
and beg
for you to arbitrate
Your hope
Your lies
will never compensate
for the truths
I hold
but can't negotiate

Beside a Rocky Path

Night and nature bring moonlit happiness
into our private world where we belong
your whisper calms me; soothes my restlessness
soft notes hidden in a familiar song
Clouds move with us -- our rhythms are shadowed
by a soft glow on the grass where we lay
Grasp my hands my passion has narrowed
I feel you move into my soul - please stay
We're breathing no air, two hearts brim with hope
born out of sighs beside a rocky path
Impatiently waiting for time to show
us how much we need -what we'll fight to have:
A lifetime of deep, meaningful kisses
An eternity of fulfilled wishes

Melancholy

Sharpened beliefs
form canine teeth
inside of my fumbled
and desperate kiss
I know you thirst
for coyote scented songs
a melancholy burst
trapped behind manufactured bliss

Transparent

I could not make those pages come to life
without the whispered words of love you share
Convince my heart when eyes and lips combine
to bring the scent of hope into our air
Surrender me to your will, take my hands
and place them high above my damaged soul
Squeeze strength into my veins with future plans
to carry me and ground me when I fold
into a paper thin transparent pain
sacrifice who I am for someone else
There is no place for love and all its games
a short pause between heaven's breath and hell
We saved a tree and planted a new seed
which grows and blooms while we wait patiently

Prodigal

Cynical versions of truths
release me
completely
to the prodigal verses of you
Stumbling into misty trees
steps behind
faded lifelines
drop to your shaking knees
I retreat with the dreams
we once knew

Protection

My heart:
intricately woven
threaded through steel
caught among metal tentacles
Your love:
the barbed wire fence
protection from unwanted intruders
surrounding my soul

Punishment

Impetuous feeling
Has my trusting heart
at the tip of a stake
while my cynical head is
plotting to negotiate

Buttons

Your eyes penetrate my mind instantly
each fantasy revealed for your pleasure
A dark room with a view when you kiss me,
transforms into a chamber with leather
straps of control to be broken by my
raw hunger for more mind altering sex
Closet with secret costumes of desire
they cover my skin --proposing my flesh
to your lustful needs, the hope to be stripped;
just seen for the man you are and have been
The part of you everyone else has missed
is what I will wear again and again
I lay here before you, buttons undone
The rattling in my chambers has begun

Brief Honesty

He said
I want your body, mind and soul
but the body ages
the mind fades
the soul regrets
She said
I want your heart
because the heart loves
until it grows old
and never forgets

Flight Patterns

Crumpled paper airplanes can never fly
unless they are thrown from across the room
But lift needed to drag you from your mind
is swallowed in the heaviness of gloom
that folded itself up into a point
one tall sharp aerodynamic dagger
aimed to destroy the silver lining joint
glued in the tip to holds us together
Perfect, razor sharp love letters dive fast
crash-land upon mascara stained tissues
Setting themselves on fire with our past
inexperienced first time pilot issues
Lines written to revive someone's heartbeat
are lost in the flight patterns of deceit

Gravity

I opened the book
and saw each name:
something from nothing
quoted in bright red pain
Why? I thought
did the particles of dreams
swirl so gently in the air
like dying means
to a living end?
And who do we bend
to the repertoire of stares
bowing out from the lies
that once kept us unaware?
Escape from those covered eyes
motivated by the fear
that lay deep inside
buried within years
marked time, erased signs;
Hearts that know forever
and those molded in loss
can't cope with the gravity
of their unforgiving faults
I closed the book
and remembered each name:
nothing from something
I sighed in vain

Sometimes II

Life takes sharp turns
we aren't prepared to make
and we crash into ourselves
bleeding out all of our faith
Slipping into a coma
comprised of our mistakes
Waiting silently and painfully
it's more than we can take
We wake up cautiously, slowly
like a butterfly who has healed
it's soul from being something else
a miracle safely concealed
Emerging from our sleepwalk
breathing in all that we feel
We transform into someone different
than before life took the wheel

 

- for ab

Force

Unmistakenly
awakened
enlightened
somewhat
a little frightened
but nonetheless
my perspective
has brightened

Barred

Complete
first step
destroy the locks

Inked

You don't understand
my thoughts aren't yours
I made different plans
because you were unsure
You'll never take a stand
unless you slip into my soul
and since it isn't possible
just tattoo yourself
with my modified golden rule:
use a shaky hand
and an overzealous knife
Do unto others
after they fuck up your life

Sharp

I should have realized
a long time ago
that crazy gluing
the pieces of my heart
back together
never lasts
as long as forever

Found and Lost

You were home. Safe. Warm. Loved. Inside of me.
But you left each time with nothing to say
Your treason proclaimed ill-capacity
Ignored my breakdowns. Looked the other way.
And now the moon has passed into the dark
forgiving skies that kissed your dreams alive
Etched in the glass that keeps us cold, apart
Are my memories of being pacified
long enough for you to plan your escape -
despite the bleeding knuckles l endured
while banging on the door barred by your haste
Reclused behind the fact you were not sure
how to stand behind lonely glass and stare
into loving eyes that were always there

Signs

Congratulations
you've crossed the thin line
between
you fucked up my life
and
you are doing fine
it seems
Where nothing heals my heart
no matter how much time
you need
Apart or near -- is still away
when you post no signs
of missing me

Payback

I need to slow down
I need time to think alone
are words you say to someone
when you know you won't be home
It's better to save the pain
and slip out of plain sight
leaving a small cash settlement
in the middle of the night
I'm sure there were red flags
I wish I would have known
But I will pay you back
I wish I would have gone

Uninterrupted Kiss

I'm wishing for the impossibility
of the rain's disturbing bliss
to remind you how much you smile
and how you slightly shift
when music envelopes us softly
something I now most miss
and we are completely entangled
in that uninterrupted kiss

Expectations

More disappointing
than the expectations
I had of you
were the ones
I failed to meet of myself
A strange sympathy
has disappeared
and replaced this loss with
don't ask
don't tell

Deprivation

I've been hungry and thirsty for sometime
My mouth is dry and my stomach one knot
A small piece of bread or smooth, dark red wine
will close up my throat because I forgot
How comforting a taste of grain can be
when you dream nightly of a five course meal
How cleansing a mere drop of rain can seem
running your tongue along an empty, steel
bench that no one occupies anymore -
to savor the taste of a midnight snack
No evidence of stale crumbs on the floor
No reminders of taste to bring me back;
I will savor the memory of food
But discourage my appetite for good

Forgery

The time you spend away
erases the outlines of us
Your arms around my insecurity
become outstretched sketches
black and white perspectives
of forged distrust

Links to Life and Poetry

I have been writing poetry since I was very young, and posting it on the web for about five years now.  The little black dress is the perfect outfit for any event; you can go all out and dazzle from head to toe, or take it down a notch and look casual but chic.  This site is the little black dress of my places on the web.  Whatever you are feeling in the mood for be it poetry, pictures, videos, catching up with friends...it's all here.  It's mainly for my close friends and family who know me very well, so most sites will not be totally public --unless you ask me ;-)

Enjoy.

- A. K.

http://silentpast.wordpress.com

http://silentpoetry.wordpress.com

http://silentverses.com

Judgement

The more stones
you throw at me
the greater the possibility
They will turn into boomerangs
and hit you unexpectedly

Pattern

I see the pattern:
a justification of fashion
a range of emotions
rationalizing the quanity
and overabundance
of black items
hanging in my closet
instead of analyzing
the dark pieces
hooked upon my heart
At first glance, I can't part
with any of them
they all seem so different;
One soft and silky
against my open arms
Another slinky and slim fitting
conveying irresistable charm
Still another lingers there
unsure if I can wear that anywhere
and I keep telling myself
I will pull them from the shelf
someday
and wear each one
when black is the only shade
necessary to hide
But for now
They are all mine
They are all saved

Until

Tall, distant night lights tease my willpower
Patience he said.  I need more time to think
But my thoughts unfreeze in the dark still hours
and melt into an oasis to drink
While waiting in the desert for his thoughts
to bring him desire and make him concede
Liquid kisses frame dark despair I fought
saturating my soul with one belief:
He may pause because everyone feels weak
My eyes avert to the sly, creeping moon
Proof I won't burn in the dry, stoic heat
Hang loosely onto I will call you soon
I'll freeze my hope into ice laden stone
Until he decides to pick up the phone

Closure

Biting her champagne lip
eyes focus upon his fingertips
Wind pushing her blonde hair forward
one question hangs in the air toward
closure...her voice trails off
He envisions her sharp nails
softly caressing his heated skin
right before it all began
and oh god her sighs
how they fueled his moans
pressing his thighs against her
breathless tones right before she ---
came here because I want to know
instead of watching you leave
can we please be friends?
He says yes -- suspiciously
too eagerly, too quickly
bringing relief to her sick
queasy upside down stomach
thank god I haven't undone it all
She is comforted by him
unaware it is the end
and that he will never call
again

Pre-Confrontation

The clouds are an eerie shade of purple
Blue skies are too rare during this season
Naming the people who deeply hurt her
She's unable to admit the reason
Why love had to be so brutal at times
The fantasy she believed has vanished
Her mind now a graveyard of goodbye lines
Any hope for his friendship has tarnished
Angst filled music softly plays on repeat
Her stomach tightens at the husky sound
In twenty four hours she'll face her defeat
His voice, his laughter no longer around
Will she have the strength needed to defy
His firm, final words; her desire to cry?

Decision

I'm working up the nerve
Will you help me understand it all?
Only a best and honest friend
could make the final call
Encouraging me to follow through
and ask the difficult questions
Making me see
some people just leave
and that's a painful lesson
To learn and to accept
when trying to understand
what changed so drastically
so suddenly -----
the last time I held your hand

Seventeen Seconds

I want to fuck you and forget you
for the next seventeen days
Masturbation is a librarian's term
to describe the quiet ways
you make me squirm in every position
against the cold, hard door
seventeen hours of confession
absolves me of being your whore
Then I become your stripper
one slutty exotic dance
around your slippery, silver pole
might lay a second chance
Smoke rings before my eyes
remind me of the clock
that stays on full rewind
whenever we start to talk
I didn't mean to seduce you
actually, I meant to do it all
Some pornographic non-recluse who
cannot refuse the call
of the raw and primal instinct
to fuck you and forget
the mess that lingers around us
when our rhythm has been set
I'm going blind without you
my fingers are soaking wet --
but seventeen seconds is all it takes
to be in permanent sexual debt

Lockdown

Hey Everyone...

Thanks for sticking with me. I have emailed each of you a protected username and password so you can continue to read my sometimes fringe, gritty, raw and honest poetry if you wish.  Stay well and keep writing. Note: This is a temporary lockdown.

- sv

Brief Act

I.
One more lie
was all she could take
before she began
to contemplate
bringing love
into her heart
just long enough
to tear him apart

II.
She sat in front of you
doing her best
fumbling over words
tender heart beating fast
Telling you how she had been
abandoned in the past
Do you feel better now
getting that off your chest?
Yes. Thank you.
You are the best.

III.
Behind your tightly locked door
and the way you ignore
her attempts to understand or reconcile
How everything seemed right
until one single night
you hid with her ransomed smile

IV.
She knows she won't be missed
and you've easily dismissed
that you became number one
on that painfully selective list

V.
God...you are so beautiful
sparkling, sultry, sapphire blue eyes
soft, silky, sun-kissed thighs
but did I mention you will play the fool...


- for cb

Wisdom

What do you say to the friend
who just can't understand
why a silent goodbye
holds absolute power?
Forget him. Soon he'll see
the reciprocity
of the damage he's done
He's a fucking coward


--for cb

Mortified

Mortified
that you would slide
your trusted, guided hands
right up my denim skirt
or let me secretly bury
my blue eyed passion
under your crisp white shirt
Then push my cum-stained lips
down into the filthy dirt
where you stand
cigarette in hand
exhaling
my self worth

Love is Bloody

Love is brutal
like a dual edged sword
at the tip of a whore's heart
not easily ignored
Teasing, slightly bruising
then ripping her skin apart
unclean canvas of trashy art
Exposed to the steel
of hard, cold hate
nothing more to anticipate
Love is a line
you should never cross
Until you've calculated
how to swallow the cost
or forget your soul
once you've given it away
to someone who deepens
the permanent stains
your mind has absorbed
during the spill
of crimson tears
after the kill
Love is bloody
like a battle on repeat
against the greatest enemy
you will never defeat

Pedestal

The next time you feel
someone is better than you
or you make the mistake
of placing her on some pedestal
unreachably higher than you
Remember she will fall
faster, harder
and hurt longer
than someone you push over
the same ledge you are standing on

Hidden Perspectives

She's such a cool chick
Fucks me hard and sucks my dick
Doesn't expect a relationship
And lies better with each kiss
my perfect little whore
But I'm finished with her
I don't want anymore
He's such a goddamn dick
Fucks me hard and sucks my clit
Doesn't want a relationship
And tries his best to slip
right out the back door
But I'm not finished with him
I still want more

Courtesy

Saying you will call
and following through
is not a dreaded commitment
or a strategy used to corner you
It's a kind and common courtesy
when you've let someone in so deep
It's a trick to stop the breakdown
and a way to avoid hurting me

Crashed

Driving down a one way street
my heart screeches to a halt
All eyes on me
swirving to avoid their
Judgment----------------
-------------Gossip
Redemption----------
Shaking their heads in disbelief
As if no one ever makes mistakes
As if no one ever gets lost
even with the best of intentions
Stupid fucking girl
What is she thinking?
Trying to figure out
why it feels like I'm sinking
into a head-on crash
You refuse to talk
Does it even matter?
I don't want to stop
The only answer I can't question
is you
but the cracked rearview mirror
reflects the pain in my eyes
and the twisted broken truth;
So I gun the engine to justify
how hard I'm fighting for you

Lantana

I'm the plant
left on the porch
with too much sun
for company
and not enough love
for security
Leaning into false hope
that you will bring
some relief soon
Across from me
a jealous-green spray
with popcorn bouquets of
sunshine yellow flowers
tainted with a shade of ignorance
blooms
and smiles with confidence
at your complete silence
and lack of penance
towards me

Handprint II

Smudge on my body
Handprint left in ecstasy
Engraved by your touch

Flavor

I love this gum
the flavor is our kiss
and the sultry hum
of your perfect tune
just behind my ear
beneath a quiet moon
my heart's urgent warning
hot breath mixed with perfume
or steady, rising sighs
in a darkened room
I love this gum
a simple pleasure ---
like you

Waiting

Here I sit alone
waiting
becoming a stone
What will you say?
Soon I'll mesh with
all of the other pebbles
you've tread upon
while walking away

Concrete Thoughts

Drunk, lying on the concrete
looking up at the moon
lazy light shines deceit
outside an empty room
Red engine revving in the distance
brings butterflies I swore I'd lost
but the possibility of never
distracts my hopeful thoughts
So I sing softly to the hidden sun
and listen closely for a sign
but the sinking feeling has begun
and I know it's a matter of time
Until I gather my courage to ask
the questions that plague my sleep
I constantly fuck up the past
and my present is full of defeat
The future holds no relief
and I'm the one who will deny
every word you'll never speak
every moment you'll never try

Unbreathe

How do you add up the tears?
Combining every lake and ocean
in this endless universe
measures only one tenth of my fears
How do you unbreathe the air?
It's impossible to inhale the memories
without exhaling your touch, your stare
I hate it that you are everywhere

Aversion

Cynical smile under my breath
calculated coolness awaits my arrival
Laissez faire thoughts swirl inside of my head
But watery blue stares reveal my denial
Avert my direction, abort perfect timing
bite my lip until my blood runs grey
Sunglasses cover me like funeral tithings
quickened steps backward take me away
I can't see your face --you don't understand
why I've summoned your heart for you to recall
My soft midnight whisper, your husky demands
reminders that support you to take the fall
Once more when the feeling consumes your soul
To meet beyond the candlelit doors

Call Girl

I'm your red line beck-and-call girl
your secret little whore
I'll fuck you on dirty laundry
or against the shower door
I'll take you places you crave
where your mind and body desire
sucking every part of you
kissing every inch of you
all on top of the fire
We create when I'm on top
some crazy bitch fantasy
You can't conceal
the ecstasy you feel
when I pull you deeper into me
There's no time for future plans
just hot sex and something new
But being your bitch
cures the incurable itch
of wanting to be next to you
And though I'd give more to have you
twenty four hours a day
I'll obey your firm voice
as if I have a choice
and do whatever you say...
I'd rather be on call for your pleasure
your perfect slut at play
kneeling on demand
doing whatever you command
than to watch you walk away

Albatross

Nothing to hold onto
but the thick rope around my neck
constricting my hopeful thoughts
because I haven't heard from you - yet
Something deep inside of me
knows you are there waiting too
wanting me to slip out of my death
and make another bold move
But I've left a trail of questions
it's your turn to let me in
swing my albatross away
give us a chance -- please stay
so we can continue from where we began

Wasted

Your lies tell me
what your hands know
Your eyes show me
what your mind fears
But the truth creeps in
and pushes you away
turning me into
a heart of steel
Where tenderness is weak
and strength is a virtue
used as a weapon
against all of those who hurt you
Your love is wasted
on simplicity
when it should be tasted --
by me

Surrender

I could taste your indifference
on a genuine stiff upper lip
any hope for hesitation from you
slipped easily out of my grip
The conversation paused
bursting my heart into tears
when you returned to finish your thought
you confirmed every deepest fear
But the worst realization tonight
is you've treated me just the same
as anyone else who has held my heart
and drop-kicked it into the flames
A permanent goodbye spoken from far away
with a voice too calm and steady
feels worse than a slit through my trusting heart
with a blood-covered rusted machete

Ghosts

They linger
around lonely rooms
whispering rumors
of missed kisses
and lost loves
into my doubting heart
But quietly
unexpectedly
like a stealth of hope
in the middle of the city
you appear out of twilight
breaking the loneliness
apart

Speedometer

Body silhouetted lust
steamed onto your car
fantasy or reality
the lines intertwine
Licking salt from your skin
beneath hidden stars
and music from somewhere
inside of our minds
becomes perfect rythm
of sex upon sex
Your lyrics in my ear
will bring no regrets
Speedometer on fuck me
engine turned off
I whisper to your eyes
please...god...don't...stop....

Cigarettes

Somewhere between our past and present tense
destructive feelings emerged to consume
Spinning a permanent web of silence
hope spiraled into her chrysalis tomb
Spider eyes waited for signs of defeat
trapped, nestled and wrestling under her dreams
Where soft muted lips unable to speak
kissed pseudo nightmares bleeding at the seams
The blood from one kiss created one less
The heart lent a crutch of patience and kind
But darkness spread far and caused deep distress
webs of insanity covered her mind
Somewhere beyond this before and after
cigarette smoke reignites my laughter

Chewing Gum

Hit me, Hurt me
How dare you
try to close my wound
with unreliable glue
Taste of bitterness
 - spit it out -
wads of chewing gum
inside of my mouth
Replace old flavors
of you --
And me?
I'm done digesting
the irony

Leaving

Take care of yourselves. I will return sometime. Ali

Finished

Nothing
lasts longer
than the end

Alkaline

Ironic the stars would appear tonight
Where alkaline clouds surround my lost will
Your love disappears like fading twilight
Rain drops seem harsh upon my window sill
Thunder shakes the bed where I toss and turn
Rag doll lust for your pleasure kept me there
Candlelight flickers without much concern
For the love we made and promised to share
Streaks of energy --electric longing
Crucify my senses for hours and hours
I'm hypnotized until early morning
Every moment without you empowers
My resistance to give into the hope
My strength to erase every word you spoke

Arson

It's necessary
to tell the very first lie
but anything after that
is intended, deliberate
premeditated and inconsiderate
an intentional arson of love:
So do we strike the match
wait for the wind
to catch the ashes
or simply let the spark die

Vulnerable

Shadows circle around me
Hungry eyes stalk my sounds
Desperate pleas as I struggle and squirm
to break free without falling down
I forget to look up and slip into the deep
into a death trap of three
Sharp smiles, slimy charms target my heart
right before they rip into me
The pain is intolerable
being unprotected bait
hanging from a hook and string
Feeling completely vulnerable
dreaming of ways to escape
this dark and dangerous scene

Blind

Mental masturbation turns to
frantic castration of my
silent retaliation upon you

Tick...Tick...Tick

Pressure and pleasure
contained in my box
Programmed for release,
timed to go off
At the touch of anyone
if I'm given what I need
A sexual ticking time bomb
with lust for a seed
Like sin pointing his hard gun 
forcing me to concede
With his finger on the trigger
of my insatiable greed

Your Knife

Cutting
into your
calm, undisturbed world
She
sliced away
you and me;
Resting
in your
safe wooden home
I
continued to
watch us bleed

Pen

I feel like
the last drop of ink
from the pen you shake
both in fury and in fear
Depending on me
to write your resume
tell you what I think
It becomes so clear:
Remember that I can
overlook one detail
omit a certain piece
to make or break your career

Alien

Feed me,
Fuck me
Shut the hell up
I can't take this
relationship stuff
Feed me
Fuck me
Figure it out
I'm tired of trying
I want to get out
Feed me
Fuck me
When will you see
I don't give a damn
about anyone but me

Ostrich

You run away faster
than anyone can
and your mouth overflows
with cowardly sand

Dangerous Swim

Even swimming in innocent waters
can be dangerous; it tempts fate
You're treading too long
to barter for more time
and across my sinking faith

Games

They start out wanting
new and different
but outgrow both
to return to the
same old thing
And when you change
to become unique,
unpredictable again
they avoid you like
a controversial vaccine

Surreal

Lightning reaches down
pulling me into the surreal
The smell of rain approaches
A patient storm begins as I kneel

Parallel

Parallel my soul for awhile
sights and sounds that we both knew
Glance sideways at my shy smile
What's underneath it will reveal you

A Soldier's Thoughts On Kindness

Our boundless humanity
is evident when we
bring water to the traveler
in the middle of adversity

Call to An Eagle

Eagle take me far away
over cliffs into the bay
where secrets, lies and truths betray
the whispered words one quiet May
Eagle drop me when you fly
through my past and don't deny
me any view of future sighs
they may not feel if I should die;
Carry my soul beneath your wings
where angels grow and love can sing
a sweeter sound than what hope brings
protect me from life's painful sting
Eagle take me far away
over tomorrow, leaving today

Current

I feel a dark depression deep within
But something tells me that you feel it too
I sit and talk with you like long lost friends
Intrigued by what? I barely know if you
Dream for hours at night or wake from nightmares
Do you escape from what does not exist?
Around your home where no one seems to care
Trapped inside a bubble of missing bliss
I hide my pain but show it through my eyes
Inside of the same look you give to me
And when we touch I feel the moment rise
Like current through wet electricity
When I'm silent, I wonder if you know
I'm wondering where this friendship will go

Atonement

Atonement
is something
I'll never see

Sent

Box of truths and lies
Care of someone else's arms
Return to sender

Body Count

You, me, him
losses to
calculate

Strategy

No one
wins anything
Love is war

Bright Escape

Its not ironic for the stars
to be visible tonight
Because you need
something bright enough
to light your crooked path
as you run away from home

Psychotic

He didn't see you
were not losing your mind
to his contradictory carousel
of what is wrong or right
but he called it anyway
you are insane
in a functional world
and ten people
will share the same insight

A Child's Love

Loving him with 
unconditional childlike love
innnocent, trusting and pure
gives him the right
to treat you like a newborn
vulnerable, dependent and unsure

Composition

Exhume to resume
Recomposed bones of grief, loss
Heart still decomposed

Empty Arms

I thought you would call today
I hoped that when I went away
You'd miss me love
You'd even long to kiss me love
But now all I feared of you
Is happening  -- it's coming true
You're satisfied
You're happy and content inside
So I walk, I crawl, I run to you
But find there is no reason to
make this journey
take this journey
back to you
Did you watch as my confidence
Faded away to common sense?
Eventually you -- in self defense
will turn and walk away
Instead of a place
A fireside, a home
with empty arms and space
I am alone

Enemy

Loving kills the weak
Hate releases wrath on hope
Silent war with self

Handprint

Smudge on my window
Handprint left in ecstasy
Disappears with the rain

Beautiful Day

Clouds change direction
Conversation between friends
Finding peace again

Saved

My love, I have given you
the secret manuscript to my soul
but you repeatedly throw it away
leaving it crumpled in a ball
Sometimes you pull it out of the trash,
smooth the wrinkles one by one
begin to read it, memorize the words
but then you come undone
Crumple it back into a ball
and drop it into the trash again
where it gets lost for awhile
among other letters that have been
Forgotten once they are read
Dismissed as too lengthy
but it finds its way back to the top
because it's a part of me
You've even brought it close
to a roaring fire many times
when your only desire
was to make me disappear
as if it would erase those lines
But here and now before you
torn, charred and aged
this paper rests in your hands
as your eyes still scan the page
For answers and hidden clues
as the light begins to fade
upon this worn piece of paper
a part of my soul you have saved

Im(penetrable)

Sleeping on broken glass is best tonight
I can feel the jagged edges
cut deep into my flesh
I toss -- I turn
I quick-burn my memories
Crystal pain pierces
my once impenetrable fears
but I only bleed your wounds
through artificial tears

Giving In

A horrible chill creeps under my skin
Somewhere in the dark you have given in
I'm some enemy no longer your friend
Holding tightly to pieces I will never mend

My Mother

Like a blue tulip
Sweet like a Queen Honeybee
And cooks like a dream

Haiku written on a bookmark given to me by one of my sons
Mother's Day 2008; Thank you M. I love you.

Turn Around

If you've come to find something soft and light
Turn around. Jump back into your abyss
My voice in your ear does not sound quite right
My memories of us are in strangled bliss
Waiting for me to end what you started
With silent, sarcastic, cruel, flippant words
Swim to the surface where you departed;
So you admit it: You aren't who you were
Jumbled thoughts juxtipose reason and faith
You live your life. I'm supposed to live mine?
The more that I speak, the more that you hate
This battle of views is so asinine!
I have not torn our faith and love apart
You've become who you were back at the start

Simple Photography

The camera captures life through open lens
Our memories are preserved from year to year
Family and friends, the places we have been
Past moments we have lived through smiles and tears
Pictures upon these pages represent
Each glimpse of time that became part of me
Celebration, experience, events
All conveyed through simple photography
Within this album lives a certain past
And future empty spaces will reveal
The art of life we find along the path
Protecting what we see and what we feel
Time moves quickly like pages in a book
We need to pause and take a second look

Dodging Darts

When your injured mind
begins to think ill thoughts of me
and tear the best of us apart
I wish you would remember
all that I have given you
how much I love you
and defend me with your heart

Poetic Truth Through Visions

Every word I wrote from before to now
Has come to pass and worse, still more arrive
The promise that seemed once a solemn vow
Is gone by choice and will just to survive
Survive with pride and lies within yourself?
Pretending all was some hypnotic dream?
And what of life -- are those true lies as well?
Some tear upon an amniotic seam?
I curse the words I spoke, and ones I shared
With you in trust and knowing I would lose
The love your soul released when you did care
And passion you encountered by a muse
Every word I will write from now to then
Will forecast haunting visions of the end

Proof

I gather one
into my arms
with the usual hugs and kisses
Say a quick prayer
to keep him from harm
and tell him I will miss him
But as I turn
to go back to the silence
that surrounds me indefinitely
I realize he is my
only proof of hope
that I once had your love
more than briefly

Overaccommodation

I see it clearly:
Two sides of the same
You need me when you're weak
but strong -- you play a cruel game
Have I finally learned the tactic?
Can I eliminate my intention
Of being your twenty four hour oversupply
of unappreciated accommodation?
You've escalated my alert
scars cover past pretenses
My trusting heart
has been betrayed again
I'm raising my defenses...

Unfinished Conversation

Don't you understand it crushes my soul
When you unfinish a conversation?
Like unpainting a bright, new house dark, old
No second thought or deliberation
As to how grand that house felt at one time
With colors and care surrounding its walls
Silence was so comforting and benign
And discussions would never end at all!
But now even my verses on a page
Fall flat onto the ground beneath your sight
Our topics and subjects began to fade
And disappear before my weeping eyes
I really don't know how to replenish
The emptiness left from words unfinished

Special Day

There is nothing special
about today
cloaked in the same
disturbing, usual silence
an invisible emotional violence
has become the weekly play

Back to Green

Go back home
to your lush green
where the spiders crawl
among your web of denial
But remember
You lay next to me
among greener, taller blades
counting cloud shapes
when you used to smile

Short Race

Run boy run
your heart may catch up
with your head
and then you will be alone

Incubus

The only time
you make lately
is just enough time
to tell me confidently
you have none for us

Pretending

I hate pretending
that I don't care for you
when the only thing
consuming my world
is how much I do

Self Destruct

Mysogynist

Self proclaimed
woman hater
hides part of his rib
to avoid
sharing all of himself

Lover

Proven
soul keeper
gives her whole heart
to avoid
losing all of herself

Alarm

I gathered my clocks into my tired arms
Threw them onto the fire, one by one
It silenced their insulting, shrill alarms
Reminding me again that you have none
No time to spare, but seconds to imply
Or outright claim how busy you have been
It chips away at us when you abide
By your deeper desire to please them
Sleep through us, I won't wake you anymore
I'll walk downstairs and leave without a sound
You may wake up one day feeling unsure
But for now, you do not need me around
The ticking of my watch gives me away
You open one eye and ask me to stay

Suspended

Suspended in your chill of thoughtlessness
Amid the same excuses from your heart
Night is no reprieve from your selfisnhess
My hands caress, but can't erase the scar
An empty glass has shattered on the floor
Champagne bubbles turn sour from the wait
An empty past won't matter anymore
When there are no more bottles left to taste
I draw the shades, the city lights stay on
You play your part for you and no one else
While leaning in to softly kiss your son
I see a bowl of stones upon his shelf
I'd like to throw them -- one for every sin
Of thinking you would someday let me in

Judgment

A slow martyr to your white picket fence
Judge, jury, executioner you live
in a sanitized world with one pretense:
You get back precisely what you can give
But you don't understand love can exist
where two hearts had never thought possible
in a world where old souls have reminisced
in memories together --impossible?
Man-made frowns and cliched disapproval
hurt deeply but further entrench my post
into the green grass chopped by disposals
of indifference, righteousness. I chose
to meet him again for better or worse
And love him forever; judgment reserved

Anxiety

What makes you cry out suddenly in fear
or stay wide awake under cloudy skies?
Not since you were one did you need me near
A shadow of comforting lullabies
follows you wherever your fears take you
Anxiety can bring ironic strength
But moments of uncertainty break you
into small helpless pieces; broken faith
Sounds that do not exist are deafening
Problems unsolved will hold you prisoner
Darkness and aloneness are threatening
Two unwanted, unwelcome visitors
Upon your waking world they seem to prey
So dropping to my knees I start to pray

Waiting for a Taxi

Crowds of impatient people surround me:
Cell phones ringing, text messages beeping
Newspapers and coffee drinkers around see
nothing but rush hour. But a sleeping
storm fast approaching with purpose and grace
creeps in and over their heads and my own
sixth sense for nature's cool greeting awakes
as I stand with my suitcase -- all alone
With thoughts of you -- what possibilities
Here in this long line looking for a ride
to take us into serendipity;
Unrelenting rain brings you by my side
I pull you close and kiss you tenderly
Because you always wait so patiently

Mend

Tears turn my eyes into kaleidoscope
patterns and shapes. I never expected
to see your soul swinging from a false rope
while the old parts of you were reflected
in pictures and letters of commitment.
Something made you search, and your restlessness
prompted you to take an intermission
with me and two lives filled with happiness.
Perfect hands pulled us from a distant deep;
newborn sighs brought calm reverie to play.
Each moment with you was only to keep
your coming end of past traveling days
This facade has torn the real you apart,
but I will mend you back into my heart.

Plea

I withheld the sadness just for tonight
Pictured your smile when you entered the room
I envisioned your skin pressed against mine
Underneath that brilliantly glowing moon
I ransacked my mind in search of your kiss
My lips entwined in your fantasy’s grasp
Longing for those hours of intimate bliss
Your shadow walking on that lighted path
Soft, whispered words into my trusting ears
Morning lovers wrapped in warm, peaceful calm
Two strong, protective arms cradling my fears
My soul filled with tenderness from your song
Oh, love bring me back to that place now please!
Home is where my heart rests, You're what I need!

Clouded Conversation

It is a slow moving white cloud at first
Staring, watching it turn from light to dark
A sad feeling creeps into me like thirst
Overwhelms a tongue in a desert far
From water; I lose my resolve again
Even while telling myself to look up
My insecurity begins to blend
With the heaviness of sighs like a cup
Full of thick cream with coffee stirred around
Making the sweet taste less than appealing
Aromas of bitterness linger, sounds
Of tears suspend (hold back the real feelings)
Notice the amount of condensation
Falling when we end our conversation?

Shopping

Distrust, non commitment is on display
Can you throw in some avoidance for free?
Insecurities are on sale today
Those are abundant and seem to fit me
Frustrations are growing in numbers here
But we are not allowed to purchase them
You can find more frustrations mixed with fears
Hidden in the lies, stories and sex bin
Shop as long as you can for full resolve
That you were supposed to buy for yourself
Answers are rare, scarce, and don't involve
Other opinions, thoughts, guidance or help
Relationship shopping can be worthwhile
If you can find your personal style

Antithesis

Weak for wanting your help to overcome
an insecurity that's buried deep?
Your harsh words form doubts and I come undone
while in your staunch, self righteousness you sleep
Your mechanical technicalities
disqualify me as a human being
A pathetic dysfunctionality
despite all that you forget you have seen
It is the antithesis to loving
when you sit cold, rigid, silently judging
my desire to focus on how to fix
the poorly drawn boundaries of this matrix
More to the dysfunction is my contempt
for myself in thinking we'd never end

Testament to Patience

A thick mass of dry, dead leaves surround her
Winter winds have almost ceased their whispers
Decry the happily ever after
Amid the discontent and sinister
Bystanders, onlookers of sprouting life
One green stem, her promise of dormant hope
Plum petals from her veins of spring bring light
To cold, darkened earth scattered here before
Defiant in her beauty she blooms forth
In confidence and innocence she stands
Tall, above her inner beauty she's more
Than a delicate flower above land
A monument of true admiration
A testament to the heart of patience

Fishing

I

My heart is empty and starving for more
fish that are swimming around in the deep
But waters are thin and unlike before
you have to release what you used to keep
Not if you're planning to carry it home
and give it a place to live and be free
Locked out by boundaries? How is that freedom?
It's better than being alone in the sea
of shiny, silver, sparkling, sharp, curved hooks
Or compassionless predators waiting
to lure you closer for a second look
while your sense of innocence is fading
Patient fatigue summons one home today
but a lack of fear will send it away

II

Kneeling down, peering deep into the glare
of reflected sun in the water's eye
Carefully recounting each fish by pairs
until I feel my numbers going blind
There is one loner --a small hidden sight
with greys and blues -- like rainbow hues
And my mind screams, He has poison inside!
But I'm already trying to seduce
him into my net, where I can closely
inspect and examine every part
of his body that defines him mostly
strong gills to breathe, and shading like art
But I am drawn to his strange liquid breath
Knowing one taste will surely bring me death

III

Stop caring so much. Unfortunately
whatever you feel just cast it away
I'm not fishing for emotional meat
baited and switched by your passionless play
No more tears and rain upon lonely seas
Lightning waves echo "Electric Alone."
Family and friends acid streaked memories;
faceless, blank photos as I sink and drown
See that stone over there, its bold, hard strength
Place your foot on the top -- feel what it's like
to stand in judgment over someone's faith
Or climb up a hill you weren't meant to hike
The salt air is grey and danger lurks near
Should I stay and fish?  "Not really." That's clear.

Wilted

The wilted flowers died upon the shelf
Dry stems rotted from lack of liquid kiss
Hidden within their roots no one could tell
Which parts were damaged. No one reminisced
About the fields where they once danced and swayed
To nature's music under marbled skies
Of blues and brights which never seemed to fade
Even when the flowers were bound and tied
The empty field remains with leaves around
From falls that come with every passing tear
And flowers that bloomed upon sacred ground
Will not be growing anyhwere near here
Just keep those shriveled petals free from rain
Until they have no chance of being saved

Continuum

Like the rise and flow of a tide, you change
Your mind and your heart don't seem to agree
Love stands here before you and she seems strange -
You dismiss me as one not meant to be?
My will is dragged down by your your undertow
I'm gulping gritty sands and salty tears
Fill my eyes with cloudy visions below
Slowly drowning my faith in deepest fears
If I could watch your smile fade with the night
From below the depths of death's lifeless heart,
Would I see the reflection of my own plight:
Convincing myself we can't break apart
Life's continuum of expected change
Though our stubborn will to resist remains

Translation:

I don't care about promises or vows.
I'm too busy give you any more.
I do not wonder who is crying now.
I am angry so watch me slam the door.
Getting off the phone -- I don't want to talk.
I do not have to give you anything.
You don't understand or get what I want.
I don't need you.  I need my sanity.
I am tired of fighting every time
We try to talk -- I'm through with you for good
I'm not listening --don't care if you cry
I knew we'd end up here. I knew we would.
I'll talk to you if I find time
(Translation: I am not going to try)

Just Sex

I'm telling myself it was only sex
Not mind bending body breaking pleasure
Tomorrow, I know just what to expect
No afterglow. No words. No slight measure
Of comfort, closeness, softness, like before
Our quick breaths merged between our heightened sighs
Hard rhythms of our flesh began to pour
More beats into our hearts just to survive
Crescendos of sweat covered symphonies
Played danger with our chaos intertwined
I became your wild, slutty, nympho-tease
Absorbing what was once left of your mind
I am telling myself it was just sex
That's how you respond. You just disconnect.

Soul Aspiration

Cactus shadows mirror our silhouettes
Desert lovers star gazing through the night
Mosquitoes hovering form their own nets
Around the dark, and fireflies give light
To the wind escaping once in awhile
Rising high above the stoic mountains
From your soft whispers, to my slow, half-smile
Kisses that taste like halcyon fountains
Someday a single, solitary sky
Will release a star to bring you a wish
I pause to look deeper into your eyes
But you're here, I couldn't want more than this
A blushing night counting constellations
With you. That is my soul aspiration.

Regret

Barbecue scents waft through my open door
Families gather for an evening meal
I clutch my heart as I lay on the floor
Tired of life --it has no more appeal
Afraid of being lonely or alone?
Is there a difference between the two?
I grasped the dream too tightly, now it's flown
Above and beyond what I ever knew
Rare April chills bring sadness to my room
I'm gazing outside at lowering dusk skies
Sounds will retreat to bedtimes and the moon
But that's where empty and longing resides
Hand over my head as if to stop thoughts
I regret what having to stay will cost

A Grand Father

A strong, firm hand led me when I was young
To duck-filled ponds, gardens, and butterflies
I learned the world's book - my mind was a sponge
Even when he sang his sweet lullabies
This same hand aged with gentle calm brought me
Across the universe to find myself
Sometimes each new place can feel so lonely
He comforts me with emotional stealth
Kindness, gratitude, love, humbling wisdom
Live deep within all he instilled in me
A precious gift repeatedly given:
My own children's hope and security
A grand father leads my son to the pond;
Life in one hand and a heart full of love

Observation

I am a spy, the fly upon your wall
Aromas of meals surround my distaste
for words here exchanged don't mix well at all
with flavors from where I originate
Where is the warm light? In darkness how can
You create new dreams or search for your home
This can't be your resting place, though I am
Just a fly in this rooom, and will be gone
After tomorrow, when I've seen too much
I'll vanish into my chaotic mind
Where images seem doubled, harsh and rough
And explanations never have their time;
But when you sit so peacefully, quietly
I cannot leave your side so easily

95 Degrees

At ninety five degrees how can one freeze?
I reach out for your warmth and feel sharp chills
Rise up between my sighs and I believe
My body will be trapped in midnight hell
Where windows turn from glass to rusted steel
Too old to be pried open or destroyed
My flesh will bear deep scars that will reveal
Dead bondage from the marriage to this void
I'd rather slide between the ivory folds
And meet your tender lips while you touch me
Upon my warming skin (defying cold)
Upon my soul's awaiting fantasy
At ninety five degrees you hold me still
The fiery heat between us brings new chills

Picnic

I slice the chicken meticulously
Add parmesan and just a little spice
Glance at the clock feeling slightly giddy
In one hour, you will be by my side!
Arranging our picnic like a puzzle
Pairing strawberries with lime Perrier
One umbrella -- in case of a drizzle
A basket prepared for a perfect day
Chocolate chip cookies out of the oven
Minutes before, I kissed the dough for luck!
Grateful for precious time you have given
To make this short, special trip just for us
I'm chopping up meat salted from my wounds
Knowing we won't picnic anytime soon

Dismissed

We blend together like raw sex and mace
Unbridled passion with you burns my eyes
You overwhelm me until it's too late
To hide from your stream of well crafted lies
Withold your softness just to make me squirm
Watch me, enjoy me writhe, dismiss my tears
Withold forgiveness until it's your turn
Then you will digest the depth of real fear
Chastise my genuine apologies
Fronting religion as some great haven
Whisper again those secret blasphemies
I am the lover who understands them
Pepper spray my unscripted confession
Cover my voice with your own frustrations

Lifting Weights

Sweating, straining under the pressure to
lift you higher than my arms will allow
Muscles burning, aching, I can feel you
Falling and pulling my confidence down
You know I am weak -- you prey on it well
giving me courage to raise you again
Then reminding me how I often fail
I lose my grip and my will to begin
Another round of trying to push you
further, farther above my troubled mind
You set down a ridiculous curfew
of set goals by which I have to abide
We were supposed to become much stronger
But now, we work together no longer

Rest Assured

My dreams are the safest place I can go
To escape from your cynical laughter
Security soothes me, peace and calm flow
Diluting confusion I feel after
We speak briefly (after too long) tonight
Deep wounds and old scars resurface quickly
The same ones revealed whenever we fight
You dismiss and forget them too swiftly
And so, I retreat to my silent sleep
Where memories of us remain innocent
Moments where you would never have to speak
Of feeling annoyed or indifferent
Rest assured I love you, but choose to sleep
Through this reality of you and me

Stilettos

I'd like to stab you with my stilettos
Yes, the black ones I wear with nothing else
Make you lie still face down on the pillow
(No one will hear your stifled cries for help)
Raise the heel high like an ax chopping wood
Stab once, twice, then three times without feeling
The sting of your flesh, the trickle of blood
Mixing black with red seems so appealing
You'll lie even more than before you came
Into my room with lies and hidden truths
And me?  I'll feel nothing -exactly the same
Though I will be leaving to buy new shoes
You said I kill you with my sexy feet
But I'll kill you for your constant deceit

Disbelief

No. Love will not return. He was once here.
Staring through my eyes --never into them.
Then he left me. Ignoring every tear.
I don't believe he will remember when
our first passionate encounter began
an unplanned future of love and desire.
My feather touch made him tremble within,
lullabies played his dreams to inspire:
The empty canvas of paper and thoughts
awakened at last by skin warming skin!
Sultry, drunk Muse wants to swallow his --- shocked
back to the present: How long has it been?
Since love defied the absolute distance
Between what is and what clearly isn't?

Homeless Widow

I smelled her questioned look before she spoke
Which toothbrush can I buy with this coupon?
Her hair was matted, dirty like old ropes
Yellowed teeth revealed it had been a long
time since mint flavored flouride had been swished
inside a mouth deprived and starved for taste
My mind wondered if she had felt the kiss
of love and life before some twist of fate
brought her here, to this store searching for one
new toothbrush that would clean her mouth again
Perhaps the first step to show everyone
she could return to where she once had been
Hair soft and silky, fresh mint smiling breath --
Until the evening of her loved one's death

Ghost

I hear heartbeats behind pearl wallpaper
Slow, steady pulses hypnotize my thoughts
A ghost's kiss returns, then leaves like vapor
that formed around the once occupied spot
Where bodies crashed together intertwined
under warm, wet showered intensity
Standing in the same position I find
longing aches and very little reprieve
from the slow, steady pulse that will linger
across my flesh within this steamy scene
A ghost's touch returns with gentle fingers
massaging my desires from my dreams
I hear soft sighs behind cold marble walls
But I'm unsure if you were here at all

Colored Wall

Rainbow colors square dance upon the wall
sharing the soft, low tone of my song
Your heavy eyes surrender and you crawl
into my lap -- secure where you belong
I brush your hair and notice the lighter
shades of sunshine that have settled on you
Within deepened dreams, your smile grows brighter
You drift off into places filled with blue
skies that feel like happiness in your hands,
new grass that is green from vigilant care,
Tulips that waited to bloom on demand
feeling spring's warm touch, under fresh clean air
I watch you sleep --suddenly, you look small
in the reflection of the colored wall

Real Tears

You have hurt me
mostly because
a little girl's tears
in a fictional story
move you more
than the real ones
falling from my eyes
right before you

Warped

You really think
I ask for the world
though I deserve it
All I have begged you for
is a postcard sized
replica of a small
warped, spinning globe

Accidental Tourist

I caught someone's eye today
not at all on purpose
literally by accident
But unlike you...
He did not run...
He did not look away
He did not hesitate
or question me
It left me feeling dazed
I don't want anyone else
My love is not some phase
But it gave me saddened pause
because
There was a time
three years ago
you were that brave

Keep Me Close

You think it is so easy
for me to be this vulnerable
and whisper softly
keep me close
Full of doubts and trust
I risk the hope again
that this time you will
just hold me all day
But the span of minutes
between each of your silences
tells a different story
Nothing has changed

To Do Without

To do without something
is a shiny medal
upon your chest
A constant reminder of
surviving great loss
and facing loneliness
But to do without me
is the biggest mistake
You will have lived through
until it's too late

Restrained

I'm standing behind
this crystal glass cage
having aged an hour
behind you once more
And your joke
about the only thing
that can keep us apart
a restraining order
is in full effect
Unfortunately you don't need
strict laws and boundaries
to keep you away from me
just a few beautiful hours
of real intimacy

Photographs

Documented smiles
Fade on acid-worn paper
They weren't genuine

Naked Under The Blue

Standing naked, freezing in the light
staring up at the empty, cloudless blue
I am blinded by my hindsight
and know I cannot wipe the unclear view
Of what was done, all that was said
so now I stand in the very place
Where we could have permanently changed
the strategically mapped egos that mislead
our faith filled hearts lost, astray

Between Walls

Gently running my hands
along fabrics that never spoke
of the love and happiness shared
between the walls of every room
and against some under the moon
I drop to my knees. I weep and shake
cradling the very heartache
that borders each memory
of a time and place
no longer the same
because you aren't here with me
and you will never be

Lifetimes

She surrounds herself
with freshly cut flowers
But spends most nights
awake for hours
rearranging their stems
to her dissatisfaction
She dreams of
writing beside a lake
near her modest home
and dearest love
but fears it will take
lifetimes she doesn't have
lifetimes she hasn't lived
never to find out
it could have been with him

Defense

Black and white are vague
Combining them creates grey
Defend right and wrong

Quiet Advice

A sleepy angel
in the corner of my room
whispered softly,
Go home soon
even if for a little while
You will breathe again
You will find your smile

Prolific

Because life creates
constant poetry
Every moment
is comforting
addicting
inspiring
But you listening
to my numerous
silent thoughts
And noticing there
is more than one
infects me with
untiring motivation
and more poetry

Too Close

My skin is itching from lying too low
I hide here unsafe among these green nails
Though knives cutting into my flesh might show
The unsightly blood --a slow, painful trail
Of these thoughts too dark to be shared with you
Of cryptic prose uncomfortable to read
Of human heartache admitted by few
Of truths you couldn't begin to conceive
I won't make a sound, nor feel the sharp blades
Slicing my soul into two separate wholes
The part that is yours will have to remain
Alone in a place where you can't console
The memories bleeding out fresh, deep wounds
From dreaming in grass too close to the moon

Unoccupied

Empty
Hollow, deserted
Feelings, thoughts, words
Mother, wife, lover, friend
Vacant

Black Suitcase

Black suitcase opened
Clothes are begging to jump in
Destiny? Who cares!

Observation

World feeling lonely
Or am I the only one
Daring to observe

Full Moon

Full moon of fairness
Tainted with perfection for you
Fading into dawn

Invisible Shoes

I miss
the silver compass
you placed in my hand before
It lead me to the tiny breadcrumbs
you purposely scattered all over the floor
During those long, dark, unsettled, restless nights
you roamed aimlessly, or with purpose through open doors
And now you wipe away the traces -- invisible shoes leave no more
evidence we are growing closer; proof that we will never make it home

Horoscope

Shattered glass!
Detoured past?
Music only half explains
the pain I'm hiding
Rain turned to sun
he's already gone
Responding to someone
more inviting
My horoscope predicts
April will be exciting...

First Mow

Green like spring Jell-O
Shaped into clean cut freshness
Water her beauty

Separated Seams

I did laundry tonight and my back really hurts!
Emotional weights are knocking me down
to the ground where we lay on a cold earth
beneath those stars that shined no midnight sounds.
The ones we used to make when we first touched;
The sighs that broke the heavens in our dreams
are divided into parts (jagged cuts):
eventually -- everything -- separates ---
at -- the -- seams, and no memory can mend
The threads of time that brought us simple peace.
Instead, we become worn, broken and bent
at the halfway point between folds and crease.
Lines that should have been ironed with more care
Are ignored, unnoticed by too much wear.

Losing Hope

I reached into
my bag of wishes
to sustain me
for one more night
To my horror
there was a hole
in the bottom
and my hope
was nowhere in sight
I quickly glanced down
thinking, praying
it had landed below
but after searching for hours
I came up empty handed
and so
I tossed the black bag
with the hole
into a nearby tin
comforted that
if my loss was found
someone else's hope
could begin

Sink or Swim

My heart sank
when I said those words
true as they may be
I left them swimming
around in your head
ironically to keep you
afloat with me

What You Don't See

You call yourself
a best friend to me
but only accept
what you want to see
I came to you softly
with pure honesty
just asking for you
to please help me
Understand things in a way
that will help us too
but all you hear
is how I blame you
and you know deep down
that simply isn't true
But you take the quiet way out
when you don't know what to do
And the silence grows
into songs for my tears
duplicated inconsistency
for my consistent fears
of you and your indifference
after so many years
of trying to be close to you
without being near
I couldn't do this
to someone I love
I even repented
for taking your love
for granted today
And you brush that aside
sweep it into your ego
instead of out of your pride
I can predict tonight
how hard I will land
it happens every time
I reach out for your hand
The harsh goodnight
and the stubborn stare
When you told me only days ago
you would kneel and keep kneeling
until you felt the prayer

Alarm Clock

Stir under warm sheets
Bright glow distracts my dream's end
Morning begins here

Proxy

Right now, I wish I had
a cologne soaked shirt
the scent of you
mixed with memories of us
to wrap my arms
tightly around --
An out of town proxy?
You are impossible to replace
Instead, I lie back
and remember how
your skin warms instantly
infected by passion
the very moment we embrace

What I Can't Give You

Past the coming storm in another home
A feverish discomfort rests in you
Your body is weakened, your mind alone
I curse my hands for what I can't give you
An ice cold cloth upon your sweating brow
A massage upon your aching shoulders
A song to send you into evening clouds
Where dreams guard your sleep like watchful soldiers
Complain and whine into my patient ear
When you are restless, ill, I love you more
I try to transcend this life over here
To stay at the foot of your bed before
You lay your head down to shut out the pain
I'm here with you listening to the rain.

Love Awaits

Scent of coming rain
Fall to knees as if to pray
Thunder deafens words

You defy distance
Sending the wind to soothe me
Sky begins to move

Clouds become dark signs
Shapes of past, present, future
Rain falls like sweet grace

Taste your forgiveness
Water cleanses my sharp tongue
Reconcile our hearts

Love awaits like spring reborn
Tiny blooms appear

Comparison

I have nowhere to go
Your garden is blooming
but I tend to mine alone. 
I have to write about it
so it won't consume me
Perhaps, I should just wait
for the earth to exhume me
with the compost.

Stubborn Heart

Even the most sincere apology
will not turn you from your quiet anger.
And I have no sympathy left in me
for someone who treats me like a stranger.
In cold and sickness, health or warmth love must
calm fear, end irrationalizations.
My small, thin view threads already-worn trust.
Harsh, locked words and capitalizations
emphasize the sadness we have become;
Terrorize the dream that we were building
Justify each opposite truth, then one
by one (maybe just one) we feel guilty.
Even the delicate touch of my hand
Wont melt the ice where your stubborn heart stands.

Something Is Wrong With Me

Something is wrong with me
you said
I wanted reassurance
But the maximum insurance
I am allowed is unavailable
after two hours of unfinished conversation
Static misinterpretations don't count
towards credit of sincerity
And how many times did you hit redial?
Stop calling
You do not care enough about me
you said
to keep me cold and up all night
when I need to get to bed
And so these words linger today
upon my mascara stained pillow case
And yes
Something is wrong with me

44th Floor

I was eager
counting the seconds until midnight
then we had our fight
and chocolate didn't seem as 
forbidding or sweet
Aren't you the least bit curious
to check one last time?
my serious mind toyed with my heart
No I replied firmly
I'm simply wondering if
my heart split apart
when it hit the steel door
before or after
I jumped from the 44th floor

Jekyll and Hyde

Fingers shake with distraction
Your Jekyll and Hyde reaction
has caused another infraction
of my already bruised by you heart
Sleep well and be well alone
or with someone else --grow old
I'll be on my final journey
to go back to the very start

Jugular

You are damn right
I go for the jugular
after constant lies,
sarcasm and indifference from you
I might as well assume
you have always fucked her
(That's what any normal
vampire bitch would do)

Tender

My hands covered in soil, feeling soft earth
Resolve to nurture her life back to green
My fingers caress the decadent dirt
Tending to flower buds lately unseen
Scouring fertile hopes into their beds
Envisioning spring in bright, splendid hues
Wiping my face --were those tears or just sweat?
I could just leave them if that's what I choose
It would be wrong to abandon them now
In almost-full-bloom from hard work and care
I've resigned myself to fulfill the vow
I can't leave them to wilter in despair
Digging deep into the hard, solid core
I feel weak, and my arms have become sore

Honorable Mention

I'm not a little girl anymore
but I still feel crushed
Strong willed, and determined
to have your love
But it's like bringing home
a pretty drawing or two
trying desperately to share
something special made just for you
And you shove me aside
retreat to your gloom
leave my hopes in suspension
So I exit the room
Dejected, rejected by
I'll take a look ---soon.
I'm sitting here again
in emotional detention:
where I don't even have
a simple honorable mention

Hindsight

I should have jumped
Or at the very least
tricked my heart
into thinking my feet
would land firmly beside you

Too Late

Your handwriting woke me
at four thirty this morning
Madly searching through boxes
I looked for the warning sign
that would point me forward
years later on a night like tonight,
begging me to turn around
and make everything right
Scrawled in permanent love
and scribbled by twists of fate
The love I was born to hold
finally came to me
but far too late

Non-Existent

Hyacinth happiness
violet with violence
doesn't exist
inside shriveled red roses
and silent compliance

Puncuated

Once every month
I feel a great loss
of time and life
the potential of us
My skin aged with worry
scratched from salty tears
I'm ashen and pale
and sleepless with fear
My goals are defeated
My plans gone awry
My hope is depleted
My dream has gone to die
Staring at the blood,
I lean my head against the wall
and stifle my sigh
I've lost the perfect love
And I know you don't hear me
you never understand why
I'm so serious
Period.

Silent Poetry Has Moved

Silent Poetry has moved. Please boookmark Silent Verses so I don't lose  any of you. Please leave a comment on the new site so I know No One is still listening.  ;-)

Puncuated

Once every month
I feel a great loss
of time and life
the potential of us
My skin aged with worry
scratched from salty tears
I'm ashen and pale
and sleepless with fear
My goals are defeated
My plans gone awry
My hope is depleted
My dream has gone to die
Staring at the blood,
I lean my head against the wall
and stifle my sigh
I've lost the perfect love
And I know you don't hear me
you never understand why
I'm so serious
Period.

Guardian

My soft hands
glide over your soul
like warmth over heat
covering you with sleep
Something that creeps in
Taking hold of your senses
gripping onto your emotions
covering them in suspended depth
retreats for the moment –
This moment that I hold you
so close to your hope
Transcending every venue
of depression and confusion
My lips land gently
upon your worried brow
smoothing away
the unruly wrinkles of sorrow
and healing those wounds
that have temporarily left
their reputable bloody disdain
on your possible tomorrows
Breathing in the late night air
exhaling cool dreams
into your mind
and upon your fevered heart
with a silence only given
never wasted
while two are apart
Bringing your strength in…
I will hold you high above the night
Fending off your pain
I will win your fights
he's too many miles away
but so near to you
While you rest
I will stay beside you
I will do my best

Running

It's too dark tonight to run from this mess
But music has set the tone for escape
I want to feel pain inside of my chest
While stronger strides pronate the course we made
My heart falters -- an attack seems to be
A welcomed answer to losing this stress
Of figuring out a new path for me
To take me away -- but I must confess
The distance I've permanently conquered
Brought severe pain to my muscles of faith
In those future roads now under water
Unknown, less traveled paths I'll have to take
I'm running but life is ahead of me
Eversing my faith in our destiny

Finish Line

I linger in the doorway
rediscovering the desire
to climb up on you
straddle my thighs
across you
leaning over you
squeezing slightly
to balance my body
over your still frame
Letting out heavy sighs
as the sweat begins
to tease my skin
from the natural highs
and those deeper sighs
Pushing each other
further and faster
over invisible lines
near before and after
My legs become weak
but my will is in sync
with your obvious intention
to wear me out
so that you can cross
the finish line
And now
you are covered in cold
winter has kept you
hidden, unused, unwanted
decorated in icicles
But I still have memories
of riding you often
racing and winning
with you
my bicycle

Music Reminds Me

Music reminds me
half of my life
dies in the day
a tired, old soul
Dreaming of ways -
ways to lay quietly
inside of your arms
before I grow cold
Believe in our love
and pray for the time
that you will be here
and you will be mine
Half of my laugh
is part of your smile
the distance between us
disappears for awhile
Music reminds me
tomorrow concedes
a new chance to hold you
a lifetime to breathe

Name (Response)

Allow the identity
to slip from your tongue,
and find resolution
in hearing your name
But intimacy lies
where fear comes undone
And losing seems inevitable
at the end of the game

The Road

Echoes of footprints retreat in my mind
As you walk towards the life you cannot live
Rainstorms cannot heal these overgrown vines
The sun burned their blooms off; they cannot give
Sweet memories of warmth in ancient summers
Only winter in masks and cold disguised
As free fallen hopes destroyed by others
Who have traveled this road on the outside
Of a chance to reinvent the present
Life or the future that will set us free
But no echo will ripen the descent
Of twisted roots coiled around our feet
I return to the road and search for marks
You had erased long ago in the dark

Stolen

Ice melting slowly
I lean into you
whirpools of water
everything feels new
Mixed with my drink
lustful liquids combine
as they crash into the glass
I’m reinventing time
Stirring them, moving them
motions near the prize
around a ripe, red cherry
your hand upon my thigh
I’m listening to your story
but begin to plan and think
How your mouth curves slightly
How I taste you as you speak
Your hand upon my back
My body feels desire
You lead me out the door
a rising, climbing fire
Subtle, misty rain
falling into your kiss
Night shields us from the lights
I’m blinded from the bliss
Sighing from your touch
hypnotized poetry on my flesh
I disappear into your soul
like winter steals heat from breath

Bio

White picket fence without a door
A rose buried in permanent frost
Poetry, music, rain, children and more
Shopped for love, regardless of cost
Born on Monday, holding my breath
I inhaled life and exhaled death

 *Author's Note: David challenged a number of us to write our life's history or memoir in six words.  I turned it into a six word, six line poem. If I have to follow the given rules -the first line is my answer...

Milestone

There are some days
when I see how far you have come
Despite what people think they know
about you
and frequently tell me
Because I never dreamed
I'd see the day
when you would pick up your fork
minus my cue
and eat all of your beef vermicelli

Unselfish

As long as you sleep
As long as you eat
As long as you breathe
As long as you dream
As long as you sleep
You are fine
Trick question:
Be careful...
Think hard...
How am I?

Hot and Cold

Sober notes of sickness swirl in the bowl
Water cleansing sadness doesn't save me
Sleepy dreams in your head cast me a fool
And tonight's chilled air fuels the coming freeze
Echos of small breath start and stop with coughs
That match my broken air in size and sound
Fever climbs too high --sanity is lost
Exhausted minds melt and fall to the ground
Hot and cold, cold and hot bring too much change
My body (and heart) cannot readjust
To unstable waves of comfort and pain
Close the door behind you. Leave if you must.
The cure for my illness is always you
I grow worse as you ignore what to do

Spring Rain

Light, gentle spring rain
A lingering scent of hope
Blooming flowers dance

The Lull

The Lull is made for
after holiday sales
post-move give aways
starving artist's involuntary haitus
and the quiet before the storm
Not for lovers who
have touched sigh to sigh
vowed to make a change
promised to make it work
in response to the warning sign
posted on the door

Venom

I am a wounded animal
cornered in her dark, dirty cage
infected by love's bite
I just couldn't win him
But I feel the simmering rage
and the desire to break free
spitting blood from my heart
and his venom...

Changing Heart, Fading Glow

You haven't changed
but your tired heart
has rearranged its priorities
I'm waiting in detention again
while it wavers its position
on our definition of love
Communication between us
feels like a hand touching
a cooling stove
wanting to feel the burn
just to know
there is something there
besides a dying spark,
hope for warmth,
and a fading glow

Worst Times

Fridays and evenings are the hardest ones
They mark an end to whatever could be
For the next few hours, days, years to come
They sum up our impossiblity
A positive song could make me stop and
Take your hand to place it over my heart
Feel that life?  It's a gift, a choice we can
Stare into the wall or break it apart
I can't lay my head down or find my dreams
When you aren't against me, warming my sleep
I drown in wakefulness and the bed seems
To hold me under like waves of cold sheets
These are the worst times of my days and nights
When I'm living a life that's not quite right

Buttons

I stood under water that cleansed your skin
And inhaled the air you once shared with me
When brushing my hair, I felt you again
Stroking my weary head so tenderly
Buttons on my blouse flashbacked to the day
We stood lips to lips bodies intertwined
Exploring each other in every way
Like a poet finds his soul in a rhyme
And fabrics fell loosely around our feet
Our bodies followed the threads to the floor
Sighs, sweat, souls set on eternal repeat
We let go of ourselves behind locked doors
These thoughts return me to the way we were
But I've been defeated by where we are

Naked In Paradise

Adam,
the next time
you want to taste
the sweetness of that fruit
Picture that vile snake
to be the rope
around your neck
suffocating you
after your first
and only satisfying bite
And
Eve,
the next time
you have the apple
in your greedy little hand
Spread the rumor
there is a worm
inside of it
so we can all
hang out together
naked in paradise

Gethsemane

My garden is cold and no feast will resume
Though winds will be colder than I had dreamed
Raising up an anguish like death exhumed
I sob and wail through my Gethsemane
You have me now --broken and defeated
I fall at your feet to reach for your hand
My soul escaped, my heart has retreated
Rejected by love and hope once again
Hold me, just hold me close to your scars
Remind me my pain is nothing to yours
I feel I have not journeyed very far
Beyond these mirrored walls disguised as doors
Olive leaves shrivel from their trees in fear
My eyes don't see, but my heart feels you near

Paralyzed

Glass ceiling shattered
Stare into the passive stars
It is what it is

Purge

Find my religion
Burning plaid-scented cotton
Music on repeat

Island

My soul, an island
Still you swim away from me
I drown, you survive

Bench

Wooden lover's bed
Hidden retreat worn by rain
Coffin for dead dreams

Fresh Eggs

Those fresh eggs broke when they shouldnt have cracked
Hard rain poured down when we needed sunshine;
Bagpipes drowned out the harsh words we had packed
Into suitcases and dreams left behind
In your absence, I became addicted
To childrens blithe laughter --because it is
Sweeter than what I had once predicted
Red lips from bites -- not passionate kisses
Too many jets landed and flew away
My hands ache from waving my heart goodbye
Trust turned blue from hoping that you would stay
Then we both passed out from the inhaled lie
I don't try to cook fresh eggs anymore
Just buy them in a bottle from the store

Prediction

It will end with
tears falling
into steeped tea for one
heart aching
from too much running --
I suppose
and boxing up your memories
Because I can finally
live without those

Softly, Messy

I love the way
my hair falls
softly, messy
around you
and the chill of sweat
trickling down my back
When arching and pulling
away from
but pushing deeper into you
I love memories
like that

7 PM

Ice melting slowly
I lean into you
whirpools of water
everything feels new
Mixed with my drink
lustful liquids combine
as they crash into the glass
I’m reinventing time
Stirring them, moving them
motions near the prize
around a ripe, red cherry
your hand upon my thigh
I’m listening to your story
but begin to plan and think
How your mouth curves slightly
How I taste you as you speak
Your hand upon my back
My body feels desire
You lead me out the door
a rising, climbing fire
Dark and misty rain
falling into your kiss
shield us from the lights
I’m blinded from the bliss