Brief Honesty

He said
I want your body, mind and soul
but the body ages
the mind fades
the soul regrets
She said
I want your heart
because the heart loves
until it grows old
and never forgets

Flight Patterns

Crumpled paper airplanes can never fly
unless they are thrown from across the room
But lift needed to drag you from your mind
is swallowed in the heaviness of gloom
that folded itself up into a point
one tall sharp aerodynamic dagger
aimed to destroy the silver lining joint
glued in the tip to holds us together
Perfect, razor sharp love letters dive fast
crash-land upon mascara stained tissues
Setting themselves on fire with our past
inexperienced first time pilot issues
Lines written to revive someone's heartbeat
are lost in the flight patterns of deceit

Gravity

I opened the book
and saw each name:
something from nothing
quoted in bright red pain
Why? I thought
did the particles of dreams
swirl so gently in the air
like dying means
to a living end?
And who do we bend
to the repertoire of stares
bowing out from the lies
that once kept us unaware?
Escape from those covered eyes
motivated by the fear
that lay deep inside
buried within years
marked time, erased signs;
Hearts that know forever
and those molded in loss
can't cope with the gravity
of their unforgiving faults
I closed the book
and remembered each name:
nothing from something
I sighed in vain

Sometimes II

Life takes sharp turns
we aren't prepared to make
and we crash into ourselves
bleeding out all of our faith
Slipping into a coma
comprised of our mistakes
Waiting silently and painfully
it's more than we can take
We wake up cautiously, slowly
like a butterfly who has healed
it's soul from being something else
a miracle safely concealed
Emerging from our sleepwalk
breathing in all that we feel
We transform into someone different
than before life took the wheel

 

- for ab

Force

Unmistakenly
awakened
enlightened
somewhat
a little frightened
but nonetheless
my perspective
has brightened

Barred

Complete
first step
destroy the locks

Inked

You don't understand
my thoughts aren't yours
I made different plans
because you were unsure
You'll never take a stand
unless you slip into my soul
and since it isn't possible
just tattoo yourself
with my modified golden rule:
use a shaky hand
and an overzealous knife
Do unto others
after they fuck up your life

Sharp

I should have realized
a long time ago
that crazy gluing
the pieces of my heart
back together
never lasts
as long as forever

Found and Lost

You were home. Safe. Warm. Loved. Inside of me.
But you left each time with nothing to say
Your treason proclaimed ill-capacity
Ignored my breakdowns. Looked the other way.
And now the moon has passed into the dark
forgiving skies that kissed your dreams alive
Etched in the glass that keeps us cold, apart
Are my memories of being pacified
long enough for you to plan your escape -
despite the bleeding knuckles l endured
while banging on the door barred by your haste
Reclused behind the fact you were not sure
how to stand behind lonely glass and stare
into loving eyes that were always there

Signs

Congratulations
you've crossed the thin line
between
you fucked up my life
and
you are doing fine
it seems
Where nothing heals my heart
no matter how much time
you need
Apart or near -- is still away
when you post no signs
of missing me

Payback

I need to slow down
I need time to think alone
are words you say to someone
when you know you won't be home
It's better to save the pain
and slip out of plain sight
leaving a small cash settlement
in the middle of the night
I'm sure there were red flags
I wish I would have known
But I will pay you back
I wish I would have gone

Uninterrupted Kiss

I'm wishing for the impossibility
of the rain's disturbing bliss
to remind you how much you smile
and how you slightly shift
when music envelopes us softly
something I now most miss
and we are completely entangled
in that uninterrupted kiss

Expectations

More disappointing
than the expectations
I had of you
were the ones
I failed to meet of myself
A strange sympathy
has disappeared
and replaced this loss with
don't ask
don't tell

Deprivation

I've been hungry and thirsty for sometime
My mouth is dry and my stomach one knot
A small piece of bread or smooth, dark red wine
will close up my throat because I forgot
How comforting a taste of grain can be
when you dream nightly of a five course meal
How cleansing a mere drop of rain can seem
running your tongue along an empty, steel
bench that no one occupies anymore -
to savor the taste of a midnight snack
No evidence of stale crumbs on the floor
No reminders of taste to bring me back;
I will savor the memory of food
But discourage my appetite for good

Forgery

The time you spend away
erases the outlines of us
Your arms around my insecurity
become outstretched sketches
black and white perspectives
of forged distrust

Links to Life and Poetry

I have been writing poetry since I was very young, and posting it on the web for about five years now.  The little black dress is the perfect outfit for any event; you can go all out and dazzle from head to toe, or take it down a notch and look casual but chic.  This site is the little black dress of my places on the web.  Whatever you are feeling in the mood for be it poetry, pictures, videos, catching up with friends...it's all here.  It's mainly for my close friends and family who know me very well, so most sites will not be totally public --unless you ask me ;-)

Enjoy.

- A. K.

http://silentpast.wordpress.com

http://silentpoetry.wordpress.com

http://silentverses.com

Judgement

The more stones
you throw at me
the greater the possibility
They will turn into boomerangs
and hit you unexpectedly

Pattern

I see the pattern:
a justification of fashion
a range of emotions
rationalizing the quanity
and overabundance
of black items
hanging in my closet
instead of analyzing
the dark pieces
hooked upon my heart
At first glance, I can't part
with any of them
they all seem so different;
One soft and silky
against my open arms
Another slinky and slim fitting
conveying irresistable charm
Still another lingers there
unsure if I can wear that anywhere
and I keep telling myself
I will pull them from the shelf
someday
and wear each one
when black is the only shade
necessary to hide
But for now
They are all mine
They are all saved

Until

Tall, distant night lights tease my willpower
Patience he said.  I need more time to think
But my thoughts unfreeze in the dark still hours
and melt into an oasis to drink
While waiting in the desert for his thoughts
to bring him desire and make him concede
Liquid kisses frame dark despair I fought
saturating my soul with one belief:
He may pause because everyone feels weak
My eyes avert to the sly, creeping moon
Proof I won't burn in the dry, stoic heat
Hang loosely onto I will call you soon
I'll freeze my hope into ice laden stone
Until he decides to pick up the phone

Closure

Biting her champagne lip
eyes focus upon his fingertips
Wind pushing her blonde hair forward
one question hangs in the air toward
closure...her voice trails off
He envisions her sharp nails
softly caressing his heated skin
right before it all began
and oh god her sighs
how they fueled his moans
pressing his thighs against her
breathless tones right before she ---
came here because I want to know
instead of watching you leave
can we please be friends?
He says yes -- suspiciously
too eagerly, too quickly
bringing relief to her sick
queasy upside down stomach
thank god I haven't undone it all
She is comforted by him
unaware it is the end
and that he will never call
again

Pre-Confrontation

The clouds are an eerie shade of purple
Blue skies are too rare during this season
Naming the people who deeply hurt her
She's unable to admit the reason
Why love had to be so brutal at times
The fantasy she believed has vanished
Her mind now a graveyard of goodbye lines
Any hope for his friendship has tarnished
Angst filled music softly plays on repeat
Her stomach tightens at the husky sound
In twenty four hours she'll face her defeat
His voice, his laughter no longer around
Will she have the strength needed to defy
His firm, final words; her desire to cry?

Decision

I'm working up the nerve
Will you help me understand it all?
Only a best and honest friend
could make the final call
Encouraging me to follow through
and ask the difficult questions
Making me see
some people just leave
and that's a painful lesson
To learn and to accept
when trying to understand
what changed so drastically
so suddenly -----
the last time I held your hand

Seventeen Seconds

I want to fuck you and forget you
for the next seventeen days
Masturbation is a librarian's term
to describe the quiet ways
you make me squirm in every position
against the cold, hard door
seventeen hours of confession
absolves me of being your whore
Then I become your stripper
one slutty exotic dance
around your slippery, silver pole
might lay a second chance
Smoke rings before my eyes
remind me of the clock
that stays on full rewind
whenever we start to talk
I didn't mean to seduce you
actually, I meant to do it all
Some pornographic non-recluse who
cannot refuse the call
of the raw and primal instinct
to fuck you and forget
the mess that lingers around us
when our rhythm has been set
I'm going blind without you
my fingers are soaking wet --
but seventeen seconds is all it takes
to be in permanent sexual debt

Lockdown

Hey Everyone...

Thanks for sticking with me. I have emailed each of you a protected username and password so you can continue to read my sometimes fringe, gritty, raw and honest poetry if you wish.  Stay well and keep writing. Note: This is a temporary lockdown.

- sv

Brief Act

I.
One more lie
was all she could take
before she began
to contemplate
bringing love
into her heart
just long enough
to tear him apart

II.
She sat in front of you
doing her best
fumbling over words
tender heart beating fast
Telling you how she had been
abandoned in the past
Do you feel better now
getting that off your chest?
Yes. Thank you.
You are the best.

III.
Behind your tightly locked door
and the way you ignore
her attempts to understand or reconcile
How everything seemed right
until one single night
you hid with her ransomed smile

IV.
She knows she won't be missed
and you've easily dismissed
that you became number one
on that painfully selective list

V.
God...you are so beautiful
sparkling, sultry, sapphire blue eyes
soft, silky, sun-kissed thighs
but did I mention you will play the fool...


- for cb

Wisdom

What do you say to the friend
who just can't understand
why a silent goodbye
holds absolute power?
Forget him. Soon he'll see
the reciprocity
of the damage he's done
He's a fucking coward


--for cb

Mortified

Mortified
that you would slide
your trusted, guided hands
right up my denim skirt
or let me secretly bury
my blue eyed passion
under your crisp white shirt
Then push my cum-stained lips
down into the filthy dirt
where you stand
cigarette in hand
exhaling
my self worth

Love is Bloody

Love is brutal
like a dual edged sword
at the tip of a whore's heart
not easily ignored
Teasing, slightly bruising
then ripping her skin apart
unclean canvas of trashy art
Exposed to the steel
of hard, cold hate
nothing more to anticipate
Love is a line
you should never cross
Until you've calculated
how to swallow the cost
or forget your soul
once you've given it away
to someone who deepens
the permanent stains
your mind has absorbed
during the spill
of crimson tears
after the kill
Love is bloody
like a battle on repeat
against the greatest enemy
you will never defeat

Pedestal

The next time you feel
someone is better than you
or you make the mistake
of placing her on some pedestal
unreachably higher than you
Remember she will fall
faster, harder
and hurt longer
than someone you push over
the same ledge you are standing on

Hidden Perspectives

She's such a cool chick
Fucks me hard and sucks my dick
Doesn't expect a relationship
And lies better with each kiss
my perfect little whore
But I'm finished with her
I don't want anymore
He's such a goddamn dick
Fucks me hard and sucks my clit
Doesn't want a relationship
And tries his best to slip
right out the back door
But I'm not finished with him
I still want more

Courtesy

Saying you will call
and following through
is not a dreaded commitment
or a strategy used to corner you
It's a kind and common courtesy
when you've let someone in so deep
It's a trick to stop the breakdown
and a way to avoid hurting me

Crashed

Driving down a one way street
my heart screeches to a halt
All eyes on me
swirving to avoid their
Judgment----------------
-------------Gossip
Redemption----------
Shaking their heads in disbelief
As if no one ever makes mistakes
As if no one ever gets lost
even with the best of intentions
Stupid fucking girl
What is she thinking?
Trying to figure out
why it feels like I'm sinking
into a head-on crash
You refuse to talk
Does it even matter?
I don't want to stop
The only answer I can't question
is you
but the cracked rearview mirror
reflects the pain in my eyes
and the twisted broken truth;
So I gun the engine to justify
how hard I'm fighting for you

Lantana

I'm the plant
left on the porch
with too much sun
for company
and not enough love
for security
Leaning into false hope
that you will bring
some relief soon
Across from me
a jealous-green spray
with popcorn bouquets of
sunshine yellow flowers
tainted with a shade of ignorance
blooms
and smiles with confidence
at your complete silence
and lack of penance
towards me

Handprint II

Smudge on my body
Handprint left in ecstasy
Engraved by your touch

Flavor

I love this gum
the flavor is our kiss
and the sultry hum
of your perfect tune
just behind my ear
beneath a quiet moon
my heart's urgent warning
hot breath mixed with perfume
or steady, rising sighs
in a darkened room
I love this gum
a simple pleasure ---
like you

Waiting

Here I sit alone
waiting
becoming a stone
What will you say?
Soon I'll mesh with
all of the other pebbles
you've tread upon
while walking away

Concrete Thoughts

Drunk, lying on the concrete
looking up at the moon
lazy light shines deceit
outside an empty room
Red engine revving in the distance
brings butterflies I swore I'd lost
but the possibility of never
distracts my hopeful thoughts
So I sing softly to the hidden sun
and listen closely for a sign
but the sinking feeling has begun
and I know it's a matter of time
Until I gather my courage to ask
the questions that plague my sleep
I constantly fuck up the past
and my present is full of defeat
The future holds no relief
and I'm the one who will deny
every word you'll never speak
every moment you'll never try

Unbreathe

How do you add up the tears?
Combining every lake and ocean
in this endless universe
measures only one tenth of my fears
How do you unbreathe the air?
It's impossible to inhale the memories
without exhaling your touch, your stare
I hate it that you are everywhere

Aversion

Cynical smile under my breath
calculated coolness awaits my arrival
Laissez faire thoughts swirl inside of my head
But watery blue stares reveal my denial
Avert my direction, abort perfect timing
bite my lip until my blood runs grey
Sunglasses cover me like funeral tithings
quickened steps backward take me away
I can't see your face --you don't understand
why I've summoned your heart for you to recall
My soft midnight whisper, your husky demands
reminders that support you to take the fall
Once more when the feeling consumes your soul
To meet beyond the candlelit doors

Call Girl

I'm your red line beck-and-call girl
your secret little whore
I'll fuck you on dirty laundry
or against the shower door
I'll take you places you crave
where your mind and body desire
sucking every part of you
kissing every inch of you
all on top of the fire
We create when I'm on top
some crazy bitch fantasy
You can't conceal
the ecstasy you feel
when I pull you deeper into me
There's no time for future plans
just hot sex and something new
But being your bitch
cures the incurable itch
of wanting to be next to you
And though I'd give more to have you
twenty four hours a day
I'll obey your firm voice
as if I have a choice
and do whatever you say...
I'd rather be on call for your pleasure
your perfect slut at play
kneeling on demand
doing whatever you command
than to watch you walk away

Albatross

Nothing to hold onto
but the thick rope around my neck
constricting my hopeful thoughts
because I haven't heard from you - yet
Something deep inside of me
knows you are there waiting too
wanting me to slip out of my death
and make another bold move
But I've left a trail of questions
it's your turn to let me in
swing my albatross away
give us a chance -- please stay
so we can continue from where we began

Wasted

Your lies tell me
what your hands know
Your eyes show me
what your mind fears
But the truth creeps in
and pushes you away
turning me into
a heart of steel
Where tenderness is weak
and strength is a virtue
used as a weapon
against all of those who hurt you
Your love is wasted
on simplicity
when it should be tasted --
by me

Surrender

I could taste your indifference
on a genuine stiff upper lip
any hope for hesitation from you
slipped easily out of my grip
The conversation paused
bursting my heart into tears
when you returned to finish your thought
you confirmed every deepest fear
But the worst realization tonight
is you've treated me just the same
as anyone else who has held my heart
and drop-kicked it into the flames
A permanent goodbye spoken from far away
with a voice too calm and steady
feels worse than a slit through my trusting heart
with a blood-covered rusted machete

Ghosts

They linger
around lonely rooms
whispering rumors
of missed kisses
and lost loves
into my doubting heart
But quietly
unexpectedly
like a stealth of hope
in the middle of the city
you appear out of twilight
breaking the loneliness
apart

Speedometer

Body silhouetted lust
steamed onto your car
fantasy or reality
the lines intertwine
Licking salt from your skin
beneath hidden stars
and music from somewhere
inside of our minds
becomes perfect rythm
of sex upon sex
Your lyrics in my ear
will bring no regrets
Speedometer on fuck me
engine turned off
I whisper to your eyes
please...god...don't...stop....

Cigarettes

Somewhere between our past and present tense
destructive feelings emerged to consume
Spinning a permanent web of silence
hope spiraled into her chrysalis tomb
Spider eyes waited for signs of defeat
trapped, nestled and wrestling under her dreams
Where soft muted lips unable to speak
kissed pseudo nightmares bleeding at the seams
The blood from one kiss created one less
The heart lent a crutch of patience and kind
But darkness spread far and caused deep distress
webs of insanity covered her mind
Somewhere beyond this before and after
cigarette smoke reignites my laughter