Privacy

My wondering heart will no longer seek
The deep parts of you that you hold sacred
Soft breathing will silence my tear-stained cheeks
But rushes of pain will exhume my dread
Another silence sent through your fear
Will echo throughout this cold winter night
Wrapped up in the lies you left in my ear
The glaring reason to give up the fight
You had me stripped bare -- my soul open wide
But slapped me across my tender heart's trust
With hidden excuses thickened from pride
And one firm belief that one way was just
I return the keys to your heart once more
And hang the privacy sign on your door

Pause

Take careful precaution
Make it all disappear if you must
You aren't eliminating history
Just erasing my trust

Watching Mommy Cry

I don't understand why my mommy cries
My big smile doesn't seem to make her stop
I play peekaboo and cover her eyes
Her tears fall down while she stares at the clock
I heard his voice for a minute today
Then watched as my mommy lowered her head
I put my hands over her ears this way
She won't have to listen to what he says
My mommy says it's her fault, it's her heart
She loves him too much and for him that's wrong
She told me they are just too far apart
To sing to each other their special songs
It seems so easy to me --they should try
To sing new songs instead of say goodbye

Acrostic Goodbye

Anti-altruistic formed words
Created by your silence
Released into my sadness
Over wires, time and space
Splintered tears by madness
That seem to linger longer
Inviting fears and nightmares
Cadence of sorrow's steps
Greedy nonchalant survival
Omnipotent in your battle
On grounds I cannot retreat
During this brief farewell:
Beneath the stars you took me, then
You asked for our love to
End

Perfect Night

Warmth through a silk blouse
Foggy, winding secret roads
Music to our ears

After Dinner

Ice melting slowly
I lean into you
whirpools of water
everything feels new
mixed with my drink
lustful liquids combine
as they crash into the glass
I'm reinventing time
Stirring them, moving them
Motions near the prize
around a ripe, red cherry
your hand upon my thigh
I'm listening to your story
I start to think
Your mouth curves slightly
I taste you as you speak
Your hand upon my back
My body feels desire
You lead me out the door
a rising, climbing fire
Dark and misty rain
falling into your kiss
shield us from the lights
I'm blinded from the bliss
Lay me down before you
dropping to my knees
Press your warmth against mine
I'll look up and say please...

Snap

And after the final show,
I smiled goodbye and I bowed
while the audience clapped furiously
I hid my sadness above my doubt
Back in my lonely room
I secretly and silently cried
while the onlookers walked away
but listened with false pride
To the girl with blonde hair
bending herself in two
for the love of a man who left her
claiming he didn't know what to do

too far to reach the morning
too far to stay awake
too far to heed the warning
too far too simply take

One final look in the mirror
My quivering lips too chapped
I felt my heart break forever
I felt my soul snap

Hindsight

When you look through the window, do you see
Across the midnight sky beyond the night
This perfect perfection of lights and trees
Blurred in the visonless faith of our sight
A warm hand pressed against the frosted glass
Wandering mind and a wondering heart
Asking why life didn't wait for the past
Or warn me before I began to start
The path of commitment to the wrong place
That will keep me uncertain in hindsight
Somewhere between lonely thoughts and mistakes
My conscience should have said this isn't right
If I had outlined my lips with chocolate
Would that have changed fate's attempt to stop it?

Understanding

I feel like a fool because I can't learn
To leave you alone inside of your self
Your silent anger, is not a bridge burned
But rather a chance to sit on the shelf
Of life's grand library just to observe
The big picture that hangs upon the wall
I know that you love me and you deserve
To consume your thoughts and digest them all
I won't knock on your door, hoping to find
You starving yourself without food from me
Just because I walk the passionate line
Does not change your need for serenity
You have finally made me understand
I can leave you alone and hold your hand

Taking Leave

And just as quickly as you come, you leave
Forgetting my name, his smile and us
The director calls a break on the set
And you disappear with all of my trust
You shrivel my heart with your hateful words
A pride filled prejudiced reclaims your heart
The vision of Beauty becomes too blurred
And slowly, we begin to fall apart
Your silence freezes the southern night's heat
Immortalizing my tears and my pain
Your lies erase all that makes me complete
Leaving me empty and alone again
Tonight,  you slip away too easily
With everything you have given to me

A Proposed Refusal

Circles of darkness under my teardrops
Form a new sadness inside of my heart
The pain of this all consuming fear stops
My lips from forming words but then you start
To play with my mind by freezing your soul
Rejecting my warmth and squeezing my kiss
Into slime: sarcasm spilled from your bowl
Under wires too thin --what a tangled mess!
My voice carries blended air to your ears
While your finger taps the destruction key
Futile attempts to compensate lost years
Lay wrapped in your selfish consistency
Buried in my sleeve I wipe hope away;
You refused to let me need you today

Carry, Softly

My soft hands
                        gliding over
                        your tired soul
                        tenderly and carefully lifting it to sleep
                        I will carry it for you, my love
                        Smoothing away
                        the unruly wrinkles of sorrow
                        and new wounds that have left
                        their reputable bloody disdain
                        I will wash it again, my love
                        Breathing in the cool late night air
                        kissing your warm skin
                        with a silence only given
                        bringing your strength in…
                        I will hold you, my love
                        Listening to your pain and promise
                        from too many miles away
                        without you…
                        near you…                        I will love you forever, my love

Whispers and Ghosts

Release this bird upon the missing snow
He'll take my tears beyond an Eastern light
And dreams of icy, cold and frosted plow
Can't comfort me past midnight's darkened sight
Old whispers from your tongue --thieves of my dreams
Like ghosts they taunt and haunt me to my grave
Though you would say your life was not serene
I see a different portrait of those days
Where dance and romance lead the way for two
Where lovers felt the warmth of spring and fall
Where I was not a vision, hope or view
When you had everything before you saw
That everything could disappear, and love
Can fade to nothing by a slow dissolve

MS Explorer

Fate cuts her ice into this sailing ship
Surreal but sincere moments loom at hand
Passengers with lives are losing their grip
Upon Nature and God's revealing plan
Waters drown the numbness of their souls
Surrendered fear within some rescued heart
Live now so this great story can be told
Of courage and futility; like art
Sinking, drowning to her final demise
Destruction and submission caught on tape
An altered sense of dread before our eyes
As life becomes no more than fading shapes
If ships are made of steel, but can go down
What chance do we all have before we drown?

Frustration

I shake my head at images of you
My heart rejects those words once meant for me
I shake my head at all I thought I knew
And cry the tears that you will never see
I read the poems never meant for us
And weep past all the precious memories
Words raise my interest when you mention lust
Then slow my breathing down to reverie
My heartache needs a break from slanted hope
I take a walk along the darkened street
Feeling a lump growing inside my throat
I wander contemplating my defeat
Now back inside a lonely home past ten
Climbing the stairs, I shake my head again

Sickness

I'll wipe away the fever from your head
Pull up the blanket closer to your chin
I'll let the blinds bring sunlight to your bed
Quiet all sounds around so you can mend
I'll watch you toss and turn within your sleep
And hush a restful calm into your ears
Rush out to soothe the baby when he weeps
So you will not be woken by his tears
I'll wipe away the illness from your heart
So you can breathe and feel like you again
It's possible to feel while we're apart
A healing touch from me upon your skin
But when the illness in your soul takes flight
I'm still sick from the memories of our fight

Tenderness Lost

Sing my broken heart
Faded memories find me
Return to cold nights

I m p er f e ctly

No more icy backgrounds
You've found solace in sushi
and sleepless nights
when the bed creaks
slightly to the right
and you don't have to say anything
if you turn it all on me
Except how we
should just stop
the stupid game
we don't play
What game?
The same one
we vehemently deny
until I cry so hard
my guts turn into blood
like an emotional flood
that you will never tread
because you've never really listened
to those feelings in your head
And your heart?
What heart?
Locked behind a steel trap
years ago
And if anyone asks
You fumble over
calculated, fabricated sighs
murmuring you misplaced it
somewhere in her eyes
It wasn't her fault?
Then was it yours?
When you pole vaulted into me
Feeling so certain, so sure
that my soul was your posession
and irresistably impure...
Now I see it too clearly
Looking in the mirror
through acidic, burning tears
you never asked me to stay
but always ran fast and far
always, always went away
You stopped the silence
only to bring more
Then turning on a smile
walked out the door
for more conversation
and sensational loving
with someone else.
Leave me on your shelf
next to your faux religion
and surface dreams
Where you lie
unsafe and unhappy
inside of your screams
while disregarding my love for you
like the melting ice cream
that dribbled down my cup
in the afterglow scene...
To some
I might seem used and abused
To me
you are indifferent to real love
because you choose to be --
or maybe just a sociopath
pretending to be confused
But my God!
wishes not dollars
buy a little boy
a nice, much needed pair of shoes
with compensation left over
to paint a different hue
over the permanent punch in my stomach
a walking and talking blue-eyed bruise
a growing, large visible reminder
of all you stand to lose
The one you continually ignore
every time you leave me
for some other whore
The one playing next to me quietly
while I silently crumble
onto a familiar floor
While you say
I don't want to do this anymore
Stealing my soul from me
and everything else we'd be
I still had so much left
to give to you for free
The perfect murder!
You carried it out!
You planned it all...
didn't you?
You must have
for it to end so
i m p er f e ctly
for two

Pride and Edginess

Some notion of love that abides with me
Restlessly wakens my snowfallen tears
Simplicty forces the tide and she
Drowns -- treading too slowly in deeper fears
Never baptized twice with the moment lost
We rush past each other to closure
Who gave us the right to place count or cost
On actions that needed less exposure?
Fly backwards, fall faster into sleep
Dreaming that your love will soon sanctify
Each false promise that we break or keep
Depending on what we justify
Nothing to save me will stay by my side
Snow covered darkness multiplies your pride

Still Life

The swaying light
above the worn, wooden table
grows frighteningly dim
Love feels thick,
selfish, and suddenly grim
We can quickly become
sweet and fresh
like harsh words forgiven
by remembering what we forgot
Or like the old fruit
buried at the bottom
of a pristine pearl
white marble bowl
We will slowly rot

Facing the Music Hypothetically

Don't ever say those hurtful words to me
My heart tightens three times the size of pain
I know you loathe my fierce intensity
Don't live with me in constant hidden shame
I cringe behind the music's message now
My ears ring with familiar tunes from you
It's easy to forget those practiced vows
We made when love was whole --we never knew
That circumstance and deviance would bring
Unholy clouds upon our solid faiths
And so he screams the words I cannot sing
It takes me to a dark and lonely place
Don't ever say such fatal words to me
Those lyrics foreshadow where we will be

For Silence

When you leave
I give what I miss
where you hear
how I see
why you take
what you need
for silence

Taps

Voice like failed morse code
Whispers colder than white wind
Return to nothing

1:20

Strawberry red pain
Lingers like a heart attack
Stare through love's cold eyes

Shopping

Another purchase
Patterned against your style
Her crime of fashion

Decomposition

Crumpled post it notes
Decomposing in the trash
Songs of hope, unborn

Losing Grip

You did have a choice- not to let me go
But something in you felt weakened tired
My hands grasped for your hands, my scream went cold
My eyes met yours -- lifeless, uninspired
A sadness swept coarsly across my flesh
Jagged rocks below waited for my fall
Looking through your hands I only saw death
His foot in my heart forcing me to crawl
We were misled -- there will never be time
You gave up on our love too easily
I honestly thought my words or some rhyme
Would permeate your soul so you could see
Death's grip held my throat at midnight plus one
Adding my breath to the dust from your run

Love

Desert full of need

Give only what you can take

Love leaves me thirsty

Understanding

Trying on old shoes

Miles worn, memories to run

I feel your slow steps

Humility

Admit to your pride

Humbleness wilts your petals

Shriveled, dry flowers

Sipping Soup

Intensity has faded for today
Perhaps I am relaxed to hear the news
But distant is the way my heart will lay
Beside your voice and song despite that you
Have sworn to try and try again until
Some mood or silence fills your hungry soul
I'll bury deep within November's chill
While sipping soup alone before it's cold
Becomes the life of luxury no more
Becomes the want of sleepless nights to rest
Becomes refusing to complete the chore
Of loving me and giving me your best
Intensity has faded into gloom
Surrounding me in winter's open tomb

Someday, Not Now

Someday I will write the perfect poem
And all of your words will finally cease
The one in my heart that will bring you home
The one on my mind that will bring us peace
Someday I will sing you the perfect tune
And all of your fears will find their release
Inside of my arms, under an orange moon
We'll watch the beauty of our love increase
The years and seasons will stay in the past
Sorrowful memories old and rotten
Our tears and reasons will expire so fast
Holding hands as we walk through autumn
Someday I will wake up from these pale dreams
Until then, life will never be serene

Simple

I love you and I am not giving up
I stayed awake all night so you could sleep
I need the healing power of your touch
Your quiet strength abides when I am weak
Please don't discount my pain for something less
I'm longing for the love that we once made
I'm hurting that we're always in distress
Her change of heart has caused my hope to fade
I'm scared and lonely like a little girl
Whose lost her way back to her warm, safe home
You are my breath, my life, you are my world
Without you my security is gone
My words sound simple unlike yours today
I love you and I'm not going away

Your Change of Heart

And nothing that I say will bring you back
And nothing that I write will make you feel
The something that we had has turned to black
And something that you hurt will never heal
Now let me leave before you start to shake
The golden pen has lost the ink it held
Now let me go or I will surely break
The promise that you swore you'd never tell
God damn her for the turn that brought you home
God damn her for the smile upon your face
God damn me for the life I lead alone
God damn me for the loss of love and grace
And nothing that I write will make you see
You turned your back on me, your destiny

Unsharpened Faith

I need a miracle to save my soul
From digging into ground below my hope
My hands covered in soil feel worn and dull
Like knives drawn in past anger near your throat
Unsharpened faith will leave me nothing more
Than blades beneath blue waters -- rusting, old
Until they wash upon your distant shore
Surviving stories never to be told
My grave is deeper than the pain you gave
Red clay and dirt resemble bloodied wine
Reminders of my scar, the life we made
A symbol from a softer place and time
I used to believe in resurrection
Until someone murdered your affection

Taken

I tried to adorn the prettiest smile

You lost your heart beneath a simple kiss

We found our shoes could walk thousands of miles

She took the ties that secured our bliss

I tried to ignite the passion within

You lost heat in spite of my fears

We found old memories like long lost friends

She took all the warmth of those precious years

I tried to warn you that we would be dead

You lost faith in my connection to you

We found too many words were left unsaid

She took everything because she has you

I tried to bring your heart back to me

But lost you to her reciprocity

3:10

I aged a new sadness in the mirror
From reading your words inspired by her
Defeated by the way your soul feels her
Tears while mine pass you quickly like a blur
Its you crying over a slow dissolve
Again but with a twist of hopefulness
Those buried truths destroy my resolve
Sending me to a place of restlessness
And despair for the fact that you love her
In a way that you will never love me
My heart is telling me that it's over
That I should surrender and let you be
The last two were not simple poems
Just signs we will never make it home

Facing Misery

Misery, I thought you loved company
I held you in my arms like a newborn
Slowed my pace down so you could run with me
Mended your shredded soul when you felt torn
Misery you hid your heart, deceived me
While whispering to me you smiled at her
Those private words forced me to believe she
Had damaged your trust and love long before
Oh Misery, why can’t you just leave me
Alone is where I’ve been and so I’ll stay
Under the pain where no one will see me
No one will wonder why I’ve gone away
Misery you finally own my soul
I watch it disappear as you take control

Midnight Rain (Elizabeth Marie's Lullaby)

Sweet little baby, the stars shine for you
To the great heavens, they call out your name
Clouds moving slowly will transform into
A midnight canopy of falling rain
Sweet little baby, the moon smiles above
Upon your pillow, she rests her bright glow
Nearby I watch you with peace, joy and love
Your little mind dreaming of things that you know
Sweet precious baby, your eyes close again
As you lay dreaming of rainbow streaked skies
My heart bursts wide open when you begin
To flavor the night air with your soft sighs
Sweet little baby, the stars shine all night
Under a blanket of white sparkling light

Fate Wins

Hurt and pained in disbelief
                        this hole in my heart continues to bleed
                        Why take the best and make the worst
                        If only I had run away first

                        to escape the words that I would hear
                        and realize you were no longer near
                        I cannot speak or breathe tonight
                        my eyes burned open from reality's light

                        The knife will stay inside my soul
                        and twist each time I face the cold
                        For alone and empty I will remain
                        Beaten and bruised from Fate once again

Speechless Answer

I once asked you one moonlit night
                        a question so deep and true
                        If a picture is worth a thousand words
                        What is speechless worth to you?

                        To go away with no word or no reason
                        is to fuel my pain and sorrow
                        So now it's time for me to leave you
                        and say gooddbye to tomorrow

                        I'll never understand why or how
                        my greatest fear came true
                        But I'll always remember it killed my Soul
                        and there was nothing I could do

                        You took the only thing that I could give
                        and it will never be returned
                        My heart is pain, my mind is numb
                        and my trust is forever burned

                        Before I go I'd like to try
                        and answer that question as well
                        Speechless to me...without your love
                        is death, agony and Hell

You Said

You said you would never leave me
                        You said you would always care
                        You said that I could trust you
                        You said you would always be there

                        I told you I would never leave you
                        I told you I would always care
                        I told you that you could trust me
                        I told you I would always be there

                        I'm still here...

                        But now as I watch you turn and leave
                        and I swallow all of this pain
                        My chest caves into the bottomless hole
                        where my open heart once remained

Trouble

Night's closed eyes
                        on a moonlit Eve
                        Sorrow's bittersweet tears
                        upon her cheeks when she grieves

                        Turning from nowhere
                        Running past time
                        into the arms
                        of a dream more sublime

                        Confused and distraught
                        she tries to break free
                        from the pain and horror
                        of what will soon be

                        Greatest fears unkempt
                        Loss of her life and love
                        she cries out to the Stars
                        and the cold night above

                        Helpless and torn
                        into shreds of an end
                        She silently erases
                        the memory of a friend

Dark Angel

Dark angel
                        light my wings
                        fire on passion
                        Queen to your King

                        Cherish my thoughts
                        drink deep, hold near
                        Kiss my thoughts
                        destroy my fear

                        Feel my truth
                        beneath your touch
                        fly toward the night
                        and you'll find us

                        No space between
                        to keep us apart
                        Protect me and keep me
                        inside of your heart

                        My Dark Angel come
                        love away my pain
                        I turn to your arms
                        forever and again...

                        Forever and again

My Soul's Lament

Look in the mirror a reflection you see
                        but I see a prison holding me
                        Back from the life I'm supposed to know
                        into a place where I don't want to go
                        Not the endless creation of wonder and light
                        instead these tears I cry at night
                        They sting my eyes and burn my skin
                        Acidic reminders of needing him

                        I follow the Path and try my best
                        but wherever I turn I feel the test
                        upon my heart and though determined to win
                        I fall back down and have to try again
                        The steps feel steep and I'm alone
                        and if I reach the top there's no one home
                        It's dreams for me and nothing more
                        an endless fight, a revolving door

                        Peace and love are everywhere
                        but in my mind no one to share
                        the colorful pictures of the dawn
                        or quiet memories within a song
                        A smile can be so misleading
                        when the heart won't heal and the Soul is grieving
                        Did you not notice I didn't call
                        another day, another fall

                        An expert now at hiding my thoughts
                        willing them away so they remain lost
                        Tragically so I begin to feel less
                        ignoring my heart so it won't confess
                        Carefully though I arrange my words
                        so you can hear what you shouldn't have heard
                        Make you think that you know what you don't
                        Never revealing what I know that I won't

                        Leading you into a place called me
                        exposing the wounds that make me bleed
                        Destroying my defenses until I am weak
                        all the while wanting you to hear me speak
                        Allowing my Soul within to break free
                        behind this wall it's killing me
                        I never chose this way to live
                        so much love for you I selflessly give

                        But you can't share what you won't show
                        and I'm not convinced I want you to know
                        See the pain and confusion now
                        there was a way I thought somehow
                        Promises made and bound to be kept
                        but faces see shadows of rain cold and wet
                        Drying the sorrows with yesterday's hand
                        searching for someone who finally understands

                        The rocky hills climbed but up at the peak
                        I look down below to the rivers so deep
                        They flow like my passion but into nothing
                        yet calm like my sleep they symbolize something
                        Trusting and knowing the truth you will bring
                        hoping and waiting for a chance to release
                        the Spirit that stays within this unbreakable cast
                        Forced to remain upon footsteps from the past

                        I hear the wolf cry carried on the moon's wind
                        it calls me to battle a curse I can't win
                        The darkness beckons for me to take hold
                        but emerging from hiding I do not feel so bold
                        Fear tempts my sighs and hurts me again
                        I struggle to close my eyes and dive in
                        Accepting the things I cannot possibly change
                        recognizing that which I can rearrange

                        Asking for the courage and wisdom as well
                        turn away from the doubt that leads me to hell
                        Blinded by light that my heart will not know
                        Missing my home to which I never can go
                        Hope leads my heart still that maybe someway
                        we will have our life, our night and our day
                        But for now it's clear and painfully in view
                        this is my Soul's Lament to you

Reflection

Looking in the mirror
                        you like what you don't see
                        What's inside burning deep
                        is not reality

                        You try to paint a picture
                        to make yourself believe
                        The feelings dig in deeper
                        and hide within your grief

                        There is no explanation
                        for the power behind the thoughts
                        You stare for awhile to find
                        what you realize you have lost

                        You see the tears build quickly
                        and every drop is shed
                        Irrational thoughts and no reason
                        rule inside your head

                        The person you see before you
                        is not the strong one you think
                        Your web of fear beholds you
                        Dark feelings make you sink

                        Deeper into the you that really does not exist
                        Further away from the one you loved
                        you comfort yourself...
                        convince your mind...
                        brainwash your heart...

                        that you will not be missed

Alone

Treacherous ground
                        rocky paths
                        jagged like glass
                        cut into my hands
                        Struggling and fighting
                        to climb higher above it
                        my feet lose their balance
                        and I slip further down
                        Pain on my flesh
                        as I see places of safety
                        rush before my eyes
                        and still I fall
                        with nothing to hold onto
                        Never truly felt
                        believing I was
                        Hurting deeper each time
                        for what would never be
                        Even with my
                        sweetest perfection
                        never being met
                        all I could offer was me -
                        and it wasn't enough
                        Still falling and feeling
                        but knowing less
                        and saying little
                        I remain as always...

                        Alone

Tragedy of the Butterfly

Caught in the web
                        she cannot escape
                        Feeling the doom
                        meeting her Fate
                        Flapping her wings
                        that tear with each try
                        Sadly she dies
                        Beautiful Butterfly

The Stalker

The stalker walks behind me
                        like a sweet shadow in the night
                        She watches every move I make
                        and imitates my sight

                        She's quiet and reserved
                        ferocious when need be
                        Never leaving my darkness
                        her heart's inside of me

                        She protects my open soul
                        from sorrow and from pain
                        Lurking in and out of my mind
                        I find in her, a friend

                        She calms my fears by screaming
                        as loudly as she can
                        for I don't have the voice to shout
                        and tell you who I am

                        She listens when I'm feeling
                        things that I cannot believe
                        silently she dries my tears
                        as I turn to grieve

                        She reads this as I write to her
                        and truly knows my heart
                        I want to walk beside her

                        so we will never part

Fear

Fear destroys me everytime
                        my reasons hold no sanity
                        Heart feels heavy
                        thoughts are hands
                        gripping my throat
                        until I give in

                        Doubt consumes me everytime
                        my trust seems transparent
                        Heart feels torn
                        thoughts are knives
                        stabbing at my flesh
                        until I give in

                        Confusion consumes me everytime
                        my love is an unanswered question
                        Heart feels cold
                        thoughts are voices
                        screaming in my ears
                        tormenting my head
                        until I give in

"Apology"

The undeniable foolish beat
                        leads me astray
                        to the end of the road
                        jumping from cliff to ground
                        I cannot fly

                        My heart loses count
                        of the aches that surround my soul
                        emptiness and hopelessness
                        built around my steel wall
                        collide in a circle of a distant desire

                        Walking into the darkness
                        needing no guidance
                        I find sight in dreams
                        the stars silently cry
                        endless tears in my mind

                        Powerful triangle
                        seals itself closed
                        My heart bursts with love but
                        staring back at me
                        Fate feels no sympathy

                        Chaotic whispers
                        beating in my chest
                        deceive my strength
                        Fear comes again and
                        I am only alone

                        Find me somewhere
                        someday
                        along that road
                        searching, hurting
                        still missing you...

                        and walk on by

Rainy Goodbye

Cold and broken
                        numb to the pain
                        I wave goodbye
                        to you in the rain

                        You never stop
                        to turn around
                        My feet are heavy
                        upon the ground

                        I don't follow you
                        for fear you will say
                        Just let me go now
                        I cannot stay

                        But your words are mute
                        and you fade into the dark
                        as I watch you leave me
                        my world crumbles apart

                        I can barely see you
                        and hear only the words in my head
                        your silhouette is a ghost
                        and eternally, I am dead

Revelation

Deafened by the piercing sounds
                        of a silence heard but never found
                        Treacherous Love thou hast forsaken me
                        destroying my dreams of what will never be

                        Saddened from the bitter ache
                        of a heart known but would never take
                        Blasphemous Truth thou hast lead me astray
                        revealing my thoughts yet refusing my stay

                        Numb to the constant pain
                        of a distant soul I've found again
                        Betraying Trust thou hast made me reveal
                        unveiling my desire but never allowed me to feel

                        Leave me Honor --thou hast cast me into the fire
                        watch me burn to the ashes --

                        No one left to inspire

Hell

My feet began to sink
                        beaneath the lies he told
                        My hands reached out for Peace
                        'twas never to unfold

                        My arms torn limb from limb
                        numb to the pain I rose
                        My eyes were blinded black
                        my sorrow caged in woes

                        My legs could not move forth
                        lower to the ground I fell
                        chilled to my bones and empty heart
                        my face began to swell

                        Killer bees riddled with disease
                        were stinging my crimson red lips
                        My skin bled rivers and I could not break free
                        I sobbed for every last kiss

                        Each time I tried to swat them away
                        my ears began to ache
                        Searing pain and knives for rain
                        my spirit began to break

                        Filled with the cries of the dead and forgotten
                        my mind ceased to understand
                        Logic was dead, my thoughts insane
                        something was twisting my hand

                        Fire and daggers decorated my body
                        as my soul began to melt
                        My head almost under the utter emptiness
                        I now knew my Hell...

                        I was never felt

Say Goodbye

Hands roam free. Craving thee. Two passions burning.
                        Forbidden yearning. Hungry searching eyes. Open thighs.
                        Mouth piercing skin. Biting sin. Velvet red lips. Soft
                        fingertips. Body arching back. Desire black. A strong
                        thrust. Raw lust. Another deep penetration. No
                        conversation. Loving eyes stare. Very aware.
                        Overwhelming powerful explosion. Confusing devotion.
                        Quiet and hugged. Unconditionally loved. Sad and
                        unprotected. Reality Accepted. Endless haunting fears.
                        Painful tears. Bittersweet sorrow. No tomorrow. Time to
                        cry...

                        Say goodbye

Closed Door

Stop knowing my thoughts
                        it makes me crave you more
                        I'm screaming for Possibilities
                        my deafening knock on a closed door

                        Why is Fate so nervous
                        I'm hiding from what has to be
                        My heart is heavy and my mind is worn
                        Love, please leave me be

                        Still I long for you, search for you
                        your Touch just out of my grasp
                        I would...I can...I will...I do...
                        if only you could ask

                        The night offers no more safety
                        the darkness lurks and waits
                        I pry and pull and shout in vain
                        for Strength to break through your gates

                        My hands are bloody and bruised
                        Destiny has gone from my dreams
                        Tired and tortured my soul lies frozen
                        in a non-existent memory

Dealing

Misery's tears sting my eyes -- my head is reeling
                        How can you stare at me with no visible feeling
                        Cautious with each layer of me you were peeling
                        You said you could tell my heart needed healing
                        A smile so warm, inviting and appealing
                        Remember how I would use my mouth while kneeling
                        Or grip your skin tight while looking up at the ceiling
                        Memories are as forbidden as the trust you were stealing
                        Happiness and love fade while lies are revealing
                        The sick and cold reality that you would be dealing...

                        My head is still reeling

Ache

Just an ache...
                        A dull reminder at first
                        then constant
                        sneering at my heart's delicate shields
                        tearing my hope's strength
                        burying my deepest thoughts

                        Just an ache...
                        A dull pain at first
                        then hungry
                        devouring my desires
                        consuming my dreams
                        spitting out reality

                        Laughing, pointing, mocking...
                        always watching my happiness turn into
                        sorrow...

                        Just an ache

Twist

Scratch the surface of my thoughts
                        Dive deep into my mind
                        Like blood bringing life
                        Your sanity I will find

                        Take the knife of regret
                        twist and turn with me slowly... slowly... slowly...

                        Escape the hallowed ground
                        run far away from me
                        like death bringing peace
                        You will set me free

                        Take the knife of despair
                        twist and turn with me gently... gently... gently...

                        Sink past the black roses
                        feel tortured with my pain
                        like confusion bringing sleep
                        I will lose you once again

                        Take the knife of desire
                        twist and turn with me swiftly... swiftly... swiftly...

                        Slowly..
                        Gently...
                        Swiftly...

                        I will lose you

And Then We Said Goodbye

I need to run away
                        I want to break free
                        I have to leave this pain behind
                        It's killing me

                        The tears they sting
                        my eyes are red
                        your voice...resounding in my head

                        I need to feel your warm embrace
                        I want to be with you -
                        face to face
                        I have to go far away
                        There's so much you will never say

                        It hurts more than
                        you'll ever know
                        I couldn't find way to show you
                        everything

                        Time won't heal
                        this heart won't feel
                        the same love that grew
                        so strong...so real...

                        This is the end
                        how can you let go
                        I didn't intend to -
                        I'll always love you so

                        I can't feel now
                        or understand
                        why my dreams became
                        reality in your hands

                        Looking into your eyes
                        forever in my dreams
                        life was never meant to be
                        this way..
                        And then we say goodbye.

                        I was standing on the edge
                        feeling like I could fly...
                        You wrapped me in your soul...

                        And then we said goodbye

Doubt

Heavy thoughts take me far away
                        Night deceives my memory
                        Doubt consumes my heart's belief
                        and Pain takes hold of me

                        He smiles with such desire
                        and squeezes my insides
                        I struggle with desperation
                        and swallow all the lies

                        He strikes first at my love, second at my trust
                        third he cuts my strength
                        I die naked in the dark, no cloak to protect me
                        no path before me lay

                        The blood mixes death with tears from my soul
                        completely defeated hopeless and gone
                        I'm battered and torn no longer can fly...

                        Damage and Destruction have won ~

Plea

My Dark Angel
                        be with me here
                        The wolves are gaining
                        insanity leers

                        Drink of my thoughts
                        Taste my desire
                        Shield me through
                        the soul-stripping fires

                        Hold me close now
                        protect me from fate
                        Watch as I struggle
                        to open the gate

                        Draw up your sword
                        as I sink further below
                        Bleed pain for me...
                        Wherever I go

                        I cannot fight against
                        this strength all alone
                        Defeat it for me
                        then carry me home

Story Told

Candles lit.
Blood red lips.
Silky thread.
Tempting bed.
Creamy skin.
Inviting friend.
Eyes that pierce.
Hunger  fierce.
Aching sighs.
Pleasurable high.
Lusty fairytales.
Darkness unveils.
Longing greed.
Desires freed.
Twist and turn.
Deeply yearn.
Pain without.
Scream and shout.
Hurting deep.
Wanting sleep.                                    
Dreaming  again.
Cannot win.
Never goodbye.
Dark Angel flies.
Thoughts above.
Invisible love.

Soul to soul...

                        Story told.

Chaos

Hazy chaos stirs within
                        that which is over cannot begin
                        Taking the darkness
                        into my soul
                        let it consume me;
                        make me whole
                        Thorns on the path
                        dig deep and I bleed
                        prisoner of silence
                        damgaging me
                        Stumbling in darkness
                        I fall, I fail
                        Calling on strength
                        to lend me her sail
                        Drowning in pain
                        my sorrow won't heal
                        finding my vein
                        one last cut I feel
                        Lifeless and still
                        I watch myself die
                        into the night
                        on Death's wings
                        I fly

Loss

I crawled across broken glass
                        shattered thoughts
                        pierced hands and knees
                        I bled for you
                        I wept for you

                        I walked into the fire
                        broken needs
                        held lifeless sighs
                        I gasped for you
                        I choked for you

                        I lay in my grave
                        frozen desires
                        buried body and soul
                        I hurt for you
                        I died for you

Concrete

That peaceful soothing tune
transforms my fear
into a will newly resolved
into a promise strong and clear
Until the tune fades slowly
and my hand touches my cheek;
Why give transparent love
endlessly, selflessly
when the only lover
worthy of my soul
is concrete

Distress

Upon this soft bed your skin touches mine
As you curl up your fist to punch my face
Whisper in my ear, memorize my sighs
Drying dark, crimson streaks around my grace
Kiss me, cradle me, breathe me into you
Hold my head up high to hit me again
Protect me like the lover I once knew
Rape my self respect like it's not a sin
Wipe my tears away when I am weeping
Or just walk out the door and forget me
Return to my dreams when I am sleeping
I've tried to love you but you won't let me
My battered heart is in constant distress;
Beating me senseless would hurt so much less

Enough

He's screaming again
the loneliness is tearing at him
My jagged edged razor feels softer
than the piercing blades of fate
Cutting deep into my heart
quickly carving out my hate
Burning to touch you
bring you back into dreams
Sleeping papers in closed letters
limitless serenities
But shatter the silence
like aged, broken bones
for hearing such lies
take the hypocritical oath
Shove it down her alibis
round two awaits...
He repeatedly rubs his eyes
his futile mind contemplates:
Too tired to fight -
Too tired to win -
aching to change this life
He's screaming again

Halfway Across the Universe

Just picture me
tonight
lying motionless
in bed
tears streaming
tangible joys
down my flushed face
As I trace the midnight stars
beyond concrete roof
hanging over my mind
the kind that replaces
a glass ceiling ready to be
permanently broken
for the sake of loving you
I hold my sighs
I can see it lifting...
And somewhere soon
at the bottom of a canyon
behind a growing tree
under an aging bridge,
beneath that blinding moon
I'll find that you will meet me
while those notes appear silently ---
and reveal a precious history
Comforting melodies
will stretch and pull together
their intertwining arms of faith
halfway across the universe
just to bring us home

Yellowed

I've become an empty aging canvas
Yellowed, forgotten by your missing touch
I brought peace whenver you felt restless
Inspired life created by your brush
You talked to me and shared your private dreams
I sat with patience hoping you would draw
Some lines across my silkened virgin screen
Perhaps you never needed me at all
Now kept inside this crowded attic room
Boxed colors to my left and to your right
I call upon your glowing midnight moon
To redefine my soul from black to white
You are absent with other art to keep
I've faded in the darkened attic heat

Transforming Shapes

This spirited season brings sharp winds
that shake my crisp leaves down
past my feet where my will won't move on
landing on deadened grass
Anniversary of warmer falls
seeds planted carefully
awaiting a late June summer bloom
nurtured by a rare rain
Shifting uncomfortably
in the same jeans that lay on the floor
which caught the stream of light
and the shape of love creating more
October skies transform into dark
soggy, wet leaves to sweep

Overdrawn

This investment plan is wrong
When you are stressed
and need to be relieved
I'm right there
with anything you need
But when I'm depressed
and come to you
asking for a return
or even a loan
from loving and caring for you
You charge me unpayable interest
with your stiff silence implying
that I am overdrawn

Across

Insignificant drought of
Denial and apathy
Over walking on a bridge
Near dangerous falls
Take me far beyond
Crayola bright city lights
Across from antique
Retired, restless thoughts
Enter my conscience
Anything with reason goes
Tell yourself to be neutral
And simply
Let this agile love
Literally decompose

Question in the Dark

The dark night sky surrounded us
but it felt brighter and warmer
than the cold emptiness chilling my skin
The sound of scraping limbs
like winter growing his bare tree
inside of my missing heart
pierced my frustration too wide --
And why were we sitting so far apart
When I asked the question?
I thought I knew the answer
as I studied your invisible inflections
until you stared blankly through me
right past my cast iron impression
Nodding your head silently
too assuredly, almost ironically
you said yes
My God! That's what you said!
I sunk into the abyss of titanium
emotionally redundant dread
Now in the aftershock of that moment
though I only wanted truth
I had hoped to replace
your old one way mirror
with love's promising youth
Finding complete security
within you and eventually in me
I realize now
someway, somehow
it will always never be me

Achilles Heel

World revolving clearly
around your sheer facade
Are you only fearing
to solidify your mirage?
Unaware, you flippantly toss
your careless, thoughtless words
Into my private mortality
you continue to deepen the hurt
False hope that I carry for us
that someday you will realize
I've placed my energy into
something that has already died
To you my wound is insignificant
It's merely a returning blister
To me it's a ruptured Achilles heel
because you are less than a sister

Vines

The twisting vine around my heart tightens
As green thorns shoot into my fleshless soul
I squint my eyes while jealousy heightens
Into a thought that never will unfold
My greedy love continues to torment you
This selfish angry monster hides within
You'll never understand the world from my view
Patterns of doubt will not let me pretend
The spear I hold is too small to battle
Nine coils of serpents wrapped around my feet
By the tree I hear a distant rattle
Despair lurks nearby waiting to take me
And when the vines are cut by your displeasure
I bleed out my new insecurities

Too Hard, Too fast

Carnal animal sex.
Dissatisfied your need.
A Fuck and go --
Hurry up. Too slow.
It's all I seem to be.
Move me to the side.
Chain me to the bed.
Open up my legs.
Pin me with your thighs.
Force fantasies into my head.
Sweat me off your brow.
Slap me from my dreams.
My body and soul.
Just sexed and controlled.
I don't mean anything.
Loose, casual sex.
Not some sweet memory.
A fucking whore.
And nothing more.
Is something I can't be.

Spill

I really don't want to spill anymore
You just stand there staring blankly
as my tears fall to the floor
And you seem irritated with me
perhaps view it as a chore
to help wash away my sadness
so often you choose to ignore
the simple words you could say
instead of attempting a false rapport
I won't ask you for your help
as the mess travels under the door
I'll clean up my own emotions
Just like I've done before

Returning Thoughts

I sit and stare behind a broken glass
Just waiting for some sound to make you move
My heart retreats with longing for the past
Although your lawful mind will disapprove
Of songs I sing to lighten this dark night
And dreams I call to take away my hurt
Returning thoughts to justify my rights
When jealousies and heightened fears return
And there someone lies sleeping in a room
Oblivious to how you really feel
An unborn child waiting in the womb
Nearsighted to the cold life might reveal
The stars divide inside their space above
I wonder why you show me less than love

Obsidian

The moon casts down her uncomfortable gaze
knowing I blame her for our loss of time
Like ice cubes melting slowly in the shade,
minutes disappear with seconds behind
We stand with patience where we first began
but everything changes around our hearts
Constantly reaching up for stronger hands
to pull us back from being far apart
Airplane lights twinkling high in the sky
make me think forever has brought you back;
They reflect a tear in my doubting eyes
and my bright, shimmering hope fades to black
I'm left alone holding the midnight rain
under the clouds of obsidian grey

Weaning

He screams and cries
as I take him to his own bed
But it feels worse to me
because it's the first step
to weaning you away
from my heart and my head

You, Once

I feel a sadness I cannot explain
You were there once, alone, oh so alone
That same sorrow now has become my pain
Your pale midnight tears have become my own
Life changed for you when you left for awhile
Someone became what you needed to hold
And I, a stop before reaching her smile
Will be forgotten and left to grow old
Fear rises again and you search for me?
I'm always there --where you left me before
Hoping and waiting for you to believe
I'll stay with you if you open the door
Do you not remember feeling this way?
You should have felt it in my voice today

Another Season

Embers burn slowly under the autumn
Leaves combine tightly inside of a breeze
Pale dusk of fall releases the morning
Dark green turns to orange announcing her grief
Summer heat's chatter has now gone away
With it silent conversations resume
October memories can never stay
And past summer songs have lost their soft tune
I run past the smoked scent of our future
Inhaling the high of the fire's flame
Redeemed by serenity of nature
For one moment, I remember your name
Regardless of these swiftly passing years
Each month brings a season of endless tears

"Love"

Love sets a trap that I cannot escape
Whatever I do, it will turn out wrong
I don't have a chance, he decides my fate
His anger weakens me; it's far too strong
The blood never dries where he bites my hand
When I gently reach out to soothe his fears
Love hurts me so much - I don't understand
He seems to need me until I'm too near
And when he finishes torturing me
I see him pacing outside of my door
He shows no remorse, feels no sympathy
Knowing how quickly I'll be back for more
Love growls fiercly at me You'll never leave
No matter how much I take and deceive

Reservation

I am your complication
so treat me like an altered plan
and just cancel me
like an unwanted dinner reservation

I Wish

I wish you would wake up
in the middle of the night
the way you used to
And moved by the dim light
flickering thoughts waiting
in the distant sky
love, hope, peace
found inside of our minds
As you stare longily
out the window
imagining my smile
I wish you would wake up
right now
for just a little while

Missing You

Mother without her child
Igloo without her eskimo
Sheep without her flock
Spider without her web
Ice without her water
Nest without her bird
Garden without her blooms
Yellow without her blue
Orange without her peel
Umbrella, broken without her rain
This is how I feel

Pure Toxicity

I am a double sided prop to you
a challenging, sexual deviant
beneath your full moon
but I am a nobody
under your light of day
A painful, dreaded obligation
you constantly try to escape
and evade while baiting
my shaking, trembling finger
with a hook shiny and sharp
like the blade in a blender
You twist and turn my flesh
to loosen my last grip
the noose around my neck
is finally starting to slip...up
Like a snake constricting my breath
you coil and watch me squirm
stumbling over wrong answers
chastising me while I burn
and hurt with every tone
you carelessly shoot at me
I can't take anymore of your venom
it's pure toxicity

Pseudo-Fairytale

Some days I yearn to break out of my skin
On long, lonely nights, I miss you too much
These heavy thoughts what will be, what has been
Can only be lifted with your soft touch
When you cradle me, the world disappears
The lullaby moment consumes my soul
But when darkness falls, it levitates fears
That will haunt my heart until I grow old
If I could revert to the little girl
Dreaming of oceans to take me away
Holding one shell with a tiny, white pearl
I'd trade it for love to find me and stay
Some days feel endless, confusing and pale
Like an unfinished pseudo-fairytale

Guardian Angel

Upon my tranquil form, so motionless
My angel's touch is a cradle of mist
I try to whisper but start to regress
Into my world of dreams that have been missed
But words elude me, and I can't ignore
The sweet lullaby some angel will sing
Has he been resting beyond my door?
Will he guide me to what daylight may bring?
I try to ask the questions as I fade
Into the deep realms of midnight slumber
But wanting to know more, I stay awake
And lie there in the stillness and wonder
My angel answers quietly so near
"To sleep for you is not why I am here"

*Inspired by Kristin's original sonnet

The End of The World

Exhausted, exasperated,
irritated and impatient he sighed
It's not the end of the world
I don't understand why
You take these moments
and blow them up so high
All she could do
was sit there and cry
and think
It is to me
and I'd rather die
than lose time with you
my world, my sun
my stars, my moon, my sky

The Bee

He came with his dart and cryptic smile
Landing too close to my hidden flowers
I watched him there for a little while
Pondering which precious cake to devour
Finally noticing me near his wings,
He whispered a sultry, soft, soothing song
A buzzing that made my broken heart sing
His honey glazed touch felt terribly wrong
A fiery venom rushed through my blood
Slow motions of pain crept under my skin
Currents of poison created a flood
Of instant numbing and stinging within
He left his reminder inside of me
Now I'm carrying the sting of a bee

Stolen

Oh, please don't touch my things...
there are so many reasons --
Be careful!  Those are fragile!
Now that one brings luck
if you rub it gently enough,
and just the right way
I only found it today
Don't twist it that way!
Now look what you've done!
Your greedy little hands took it
and now it's gone

Third Grade Emotions

How was your day today
she asked eager to know
his feelings and thoughts
Ice caps!
He exclaimed
trying to remember
the name of the crystal candied mountain
and silvery blue lake
flowing like a fountain
from the white tipped wintery picture
he had seen earlier that day
Was it fun to see your friends
and be back at school again?
What did everyone say?
Glacier!
He proclaimed
dipping his finger
into the chilled water
His eyes following
the circular hypnotic motion
like a mini cyclonic ocean
Pausing only to
place the cup to his lips
He quietly mumbled
Yes Mom
I'm in third grade now
I'm feeling lots of emotions

Color of Fear

I noticed again on the drive
the color of fear in my eyes
matched the grey in the clouds
mirroring my doubts
and the shade of my solitary sigh
I drew the foreshadowed tears
outlined between the long years
unable to convey my love
unable to find a way, my love
to survive without you in my life

Breeze

I awoke needing to hear
the comforting echo of your beating heart
then returned to the sound of loneliness
beating steadily in the dark
When I reached out to touch you
and bring the warmth to my skin
I felt nothing but a longing
for this winter chill to end
So I dreamt for awhile
that I could stay inside of a breeze
and lightly caress your soul --
it put my mind at ease

Regimen

Like an anti wrinkle cream
upon my aging skin
you rejouvenate my spirit
and the surface beauty within
Simple childhood laughter,
perhaps some hidden tears
Remedy our insecurities
throughout the lonely years
The beauty of all women,
the stories that we share
Reflect the strength and understanding
that we've all been there
The music blaring loudly,
brings us closer to foresight
Happiness and comfort appear
if only for tonight
Spending time with my girlfriends
is a much needed regimen
to help replenish and restore my life
and conquer the world again

*Dedicated to the awesome foursome: Moni, Mimi, Francesca, Jaquelyn

"Same time, same place, next month"

Intruder in the Field of View

The dark brown, aging oak
intruding upon my view,
unfurls her gnarled branches
cutting one kite string into two;
Separating me from you

Anniversary

Early Autumn morn
Drying tears from bloodshot eyes
Celebrate my sigh

Sarah

Soothing, sultry voice from where
A rain drop, and a tear linger
Resounding melodies within
A priceless soul I call my friend;
Happiness is her garden

Approaching Storm

You can't clone the scent of the coming rain
Or divert the eye of approaching storms
It's useless fighting the weather's revenge
To disassemble his destructive charms
Drive slowly through tumultuous water
Spinning wildly from overwhelmed clouds
Feeble warnings will take you much further
Into large floods of distrust and doubt
You presoaked your mind in fatality
Beaten, drenched and shivering you retreat
To one day before this brutality
When the unwitting dawn was at her peak
Distract your head and heart from this madness
With disorganized chaos and sadness

Veneer

Everyday I look up
hoping to see you there
coming out of your hidden womb
of depression and despair
Holding onto hope
by hands calloused with fear
Everyday I reach out
to dust off the false veneer
Covering the cracked smiles
that we all know are not sincere

Endurance

I don't have your speed
and can't keep up with your cadence
But my patience and strength
can outlast your distance

Rain

Flooding rain drowns life
As summer sinks to Autumn
Murky tears remain

Sufficient

I listened to the rain's forefather
Bearing a simple but intricate rhyme
Seeing true love is sufficient,
Holding your love is sublime

Loudest Voice

The introspective of ourselves
reveals an inexplicable loneliness
or feeling of unhappiness
which creates the strength
we will need to survive
the challenges we may face
when making the decision
to take appropriate action
and make a change in the world;
There is great power in sadness,
and the loudest voice you might ever hear
is the sound of your own voice
in a room of none

*For Nova

Questioning Love

If trees can grow
as old as time
Then why can't love
stay as young
as a newborn baby's cry?

Evidence

Unopened gifts
Unread poetry
Unavailable conversation
leave discouraging evidence
plus mascara smudges
of your heart's reciprocation

Future Goodbye

When you cross the line
away from me
I am no longer your moment
but a part of your history
And when you look past
my downcast, sullen eyes
We have already spoken
the future goodbye

Proclamation

Love, Love
you make me weep
a wistful lullaby
for what will never be;
The further I fly
to hold onto some hope
The faster my wings turn
into invisible rope

Two Waves, One Sea

Two ocean waves rise and her white caps sway
Reflected by moonlight, her dance begins
When bright stars and night clouds surpass the day
Summer songs have no brilliance to contend
Rolling, rushing waters relax the mind
Morning doves coo, a lover's warm embrace
Seagulls glide closer to intercept time
Between clear, lucid dreams and empty space
Meditate the mind to increase the soul
Heal the heart with aspirations of love
Somewhere in the faint deep, a distant cold
Will be warmed by rainfall from high above
Confusing questions I contemplated
One calming sea has eliminated

Shredders

If shredders could talk
mine would walk back and forth
pacing like a captured animal
with no hope for escape
until exhausted he sat
almost out of breath
except for the last one
which held the composition
of every word to you
I never wrote
or the subdued impositions
I never spoke
for your ears to rearrange
for your eyes to mislead
for your heart to bleed out
and your mind to change
into something you wanted
to finally understand -
Me
If shredders could talk,
so would we

* inspired by Pink's poetry.

Ice Blue

I will be blue
  but I will be ice blue
You will not understand why
or the way I think things through
I will be blue,
 but I will be ice blue
A chilled, camouflaged snowdrift
will hide me from you
I will be blue,
 but I will be ice blue
Marked by counterfeit promises
manufactured by you
I will be blue,
 but I will be ice blue
Imagining the picture
adulterated perfection for two
I will be blue,
 but I will be unresponsive, undemonstrative
ice blue

Just

When summer heat boils
Just press your lips together
And say no again

Ignorant Bliss

The softest breeze has lingered still
to remind me of the coming chill
A rain perhaps or something more
like a storm just off the nothern shore
A quiet night and warmth again
will recreate their bond within
Two hearts that separated once
will reconnect by midnight's chance
As writer's hands relive the kiss
my heart will break from ignorant bliss

Arch

Architects would fantasize
such structure and poise
Construction, creation
amid the sweet noise
Entrepreneurs and amateurs
would gaze with disbelief
At the original beauty
withstanding the heat
As the arch welcomes angels
whose hands lift her up
Rain fueling brainstorms
of something corrupt
But roughness and smoothness
are needed to bend
The deep rising passion
her body feels within
Hair like the rivers
flowing down her spine
Nails gripping tightly
like a learning concubine
Tasting healed pain
and pleasure of flesh
Repeating salicious sighs
she will never confess
At the height of the moment
bridged together for affection
Bent gracefully, waiting patiently
for the overwhelming connection
And then slowly, peacefully
completely crumbling into parts
Secured only with the solid strength
her ear to his heart

First Steps

Scents and sounds of baby powder and sighs
Greet me as I watch each small step you take
To steady your balance upon each try
Encouraging your mind to concentrate
On the importance of learning to walk
With your held held high, full of confidence
Along the path you choose outlined in chalk
From these childhood years of innocence
A strong, steady hand inside of your own
Will grasp your fear until it fades away
And you will remember when you have grown
The courage it gave you to undertake
Small feats of success and failure at times
Bring hope to your heart and tears to my eyes

Tire No More

Salt from the rain's tongue is burning my skin
I don't want shelter from the piercing flow
Of sharp words around me -- do you intend
To hurt me so deeply that I will go?
Too many smiles are hiding beneath
A pair of soft lips that need to be kissed
Come lay your weariness here by my feet
Leave the unhappiness, it won't be missed
Fight harder for us love, tire no more
Though others may go, I will remain here
With you in my arms, like love was before
Long days and times zones worried me with fear
Unrest and anxiety have not won;
Let calm thoughts surround you and bring you home

Explanation

I returned too quickly --
before I was healed
and with each passing day
my writing reveals
a futile desire
I need you to feel
Love, you took my inspiration
when you left me

Justification for Pessimistic Poetry

Some optimistic people
find irresistible beauty
in the shade of blood
a deep crimson trail
that slowly trickles down
the trembling finger
quivering so slightly
from the instant pain
it felt when penetrated
by the solid sharp thorn
of the coral spring rose

No matter how incredible the bloom

Autobiography

I was only folding laundry
listening to the sounds
of the singer singing the song
about the girl he can't live without
The sweeter tears fell slowly at first
with every note he sang
until I felt his love for her
then I felt nothing but bitter pain
I want my smile to heal someone
and make him feel alright
Why can't I be the one
someone misses terribly tonight
Please let me linger on someone's mind
until he can't take it anymore
make him long to touch my skin again
and feel like he did before
I want to be respected
for the love I freely give
instead of being rejected
and constantly having to forgive
Is there someone who needs to hear
the soft sound of my voice
To me it should be clear
I am his only choice
He would never walk away
because it would hurt him too
He would easily appreciate
All that we'd been through
Reciprocated love
is what I'm dying to know
But the more I ask for love to stay
the faster it seems to go
What secret beauty
did the girl in his song possess
To make the man desire her
as much as he professed?
I suppose passionate lyrics are written
for gullible people like me
I will never be loved as deeply as that
It's just not my reality
Instead I will continue to write these thoughts
of my silent autobiography

Meditation

My heart is buried in your thoughts today
Though I can't seem to explain it all
I want to help you find your way

Familiar songs cannot make you stay
You don't hear my soft voice call
My heart is buried in your thoughts today

Free your soul, try to escape
The brow of the concrete wall
I want to help you find your way

To find the white behind the grey
Or pray for a new rain to fall
My heart is buried in your thoughts today

Are you lost or quietly hidden away
Curled up tightly in a ball?
I want to help you find your way

Your hopes and dreams are mine today
While you temporarily struggle and crawl
My heart is buried in your thoughts today
I want to help you find your way

Ego

Rough rope tied
around your heart
squeezing words
and thoughts apart
She pulls you in
to satiate
then grabs you
just to castrate
Your dreams until
they are almost dead
and you are shivering
alone in your bed
Restless nights
under stars without fire
with hope feeling gone
and vision uninspired
She brings you down
past where you were
it's only important
when it relates to her
To escape her you need
to come home to the girl
holding love, light
and a string of pearls...

Tender Spot

My stomach turns from a chalk white pill
to kill the dull and aching pain
This tender spot under my skin
is burning like a fiery stain
I need sweet songs to cure my mind
or mention of those images
and moving pictures I've left behind
in vain attempts to love and give
The best of me you asked to hold
but your hands grasp half heartedly
with nonchalance that will unfold
and drop the precious parts of me
My body hurts less than my soul
a growing, infectious damaging pain
This tender wound needs to be healed
with the soothing touch of a warmer rain

Hardening

The softness you once held within your arms,
Has hardened into cold and heavy stone.
No tossing of this weighted pebble knows
The smoothness of our quiet lake --it's gone.

Hindsight

Pain lives deep within
Hindsight a deceiving cure
Dreams are missing years

Lips

We are breathtaking
they silently warn
bright, bold and beautiful
watch us move
verbs become art
as we part to let
each causal word slip through
Who is this person?
Sweet confidence she breathes!
We complement her sparkling eyes
and add some mystery
She speaks the words clearly
through her perfectly lined
pimento red lips
but her sounds are lost
upon your ears
Because all you want
is one, deep, passionate
neverending kiss...

Life and Time

Life in slow motion
Tomorrow comes before me
Without time to heal

Forever

Foreshadowed timeline
Opens dreams made of
Rare and precious hope
Enlightened faith, and
Victory over a possible
End to our
Redundant doubts

Coward

You never cared enough
at the end of us 
to ask or answer
it was not about love
You never knew
it bled my heart dry
to hear complete silence
a cowardly goodbye
Your rhyming whispers
when saying my name
were only a part
of your twisted game
The warmth of the womb
that birthed your second soul
will freeze again
growing painfully cold
Hopes of happiness
that you spun in your dream
will abruptly end
as you live your life without me

Sherbet Sky

Deep inside of you, I enter the storm
I shudder and freeze -- bathed in ice cold rain
Drowning in waters I attempt to calm,
Aware they are impossible to tame.
Deep inside of me, you find a new hope
Born of our realistic memories;
Old feelings are threads to create more rope;
We choke, eliminate all miseries!
Perhaps it was the fading sherbet sky,
Cradling my childish fears to sleep.
Or did some innocent lavender high
Mixed with pink bubblegum prompt me to speak?
Deep inside of you I release the past;
A sweetened, shuddered sigh just brought me back

Surviving

I feel you somewhere in the muted sky
Your eyes are the blue releasing the rain
Your baby sleeps silently by my side
I inhale a sigh to exhale the pain
Surviving somewhere where the lights are dim
Perhaps pacing in a room missing direction
I feel your mouth twist in a downward grin
As you cast a side glance to your pale reflection
Your mind screams focus! Your strong will obeys
Muffling the sounds your heart tries to speak
Stumbling over distant words in the way
Such interference will make you weak
But the sky remains calm in the east tonight
As our baby breathes in your lullaby

Silent Mend

Two silent voices cannot seem to mend
The constant pulling of these broken strings
Stretching and thinning to help us defend
The reasons we adhere to home grown wings
A warmer season existed before
But now it's given us a burning wound
Just take our hope and bleed it to the core
Slight pressure will relieve the danger soon
New maps of time and distance take my place
I'm thirsting for my future nights of rain
When all we've lost will somehow be replaced
And prove to me this love is not in vain
Silent poetry cannot seem to mend
I won't be back until September ends

When I Am Gone

My biggest fear is
your life will eventually
settle down completely.
Your home will finally
be comfortable and warm.
Your goals will be
successfully accomplished
You will have time
and energy for us...

When I am gone.

Breakfast

First word becomes clear
Yogurt strands of growing hair
One year passing soon

Mint Chaos

Glass shattering thoughts
Mimic soft sounds of new rain
Taste like mint chaos

Between

Remind me that it's all part of the game
You have to play because you need to live.
But more and more I'm feeling so ashamed,
Because I'm needing love that you can't give.
I watch from sidelines you will never feel
Removing parts and people I can't bear;
To watch them is to reinvent surreal
And reinstate how I'm not welcome there.
I'll sit beside the lake and watch the moon
Fade into the darkest midnight haze,
And reminisce about the summer bloom,
Who wilted in the past year's cold malaise.
We're missing in the breaks between the lines:
All the flower needed -- was love and time.

Defining the Divine

Explain to me again this holy birth
Of son to man and then again to death.
By God's own plan he lived to teach our worth?
Through sacrificing his only child's breath?
Through waters clear we reaffirm our faith,
Forgiving all that we have never done.
Until we grow and make our first mistake,
The lies are washed by red, engraved in stone.
Betrayal of the self is never shunned,
When some divine evangelist can cure
The bleeding from his hands when he was hung;
To make our certain disbelief so sure.
Like ventriloquist passions in the play,
We bow our heads and wait for them to pray.

Swinging

This fraying rope will break before I reach
The other side of you where no one dares
To open up your mind and cause a breech
Of safety and reprieve that you won't share
Experience has made your heart believe
The other side of you does not exist
Instead, you make my innocence retreat
And justify my love with angry fists
The water rises deeper as I swing
Further from your spiritless stagnant stare
And now I only hope my death will bring
Contrivance that I lived my life aware
The fraying rope, though wound with concrete bind
Abstracts your heart until you lose your mind

Cloudy Night

There is an old bench
it needs to be painted
hidden and unloved
at the foot of a dying palm
There is a young girl
who needs to be comforted
wandering and restless
through the summer grass
There is a night sky
too many miles away
full of artic white stars
which I cannot see;
Knees drawn to chest
sitting quietly upon the bench
squinting through the clouds
I wonder if you're sleeping
peacefully

The Sound

I don't know
what woke me first
Coyote in the distance
or some other sound
But the lonely wail
and cooing cry
entered my heart
and pulled me down
I walked quietly
from room to room
bothered by
the lonesome hound
or someone's heart
beating off tune
from missing a love
in another town

Currency

Two dimes, a nickel in my hand
I need much more to pay my way
Four quarters or a crumpled bill
Won't take me further than today

Countdown

In the hour it takes to till the ground
We could sit on the bench and sort it out
Or pick the blooms from the garden we found
Deciding which ones we can't live without
In the minute it takes to tie your shoe
You could easily send your love to me
But you have more important things to do
And you'll send your love eventually
In the second it takes to feel my kiss;
My lips turning up into a smile
We'll turn down the chance for pure happiness
Distance will grow into western miles
In the moment it took to write this poem
I calculate the times you left our home

Father's Day

Post-cocktail sunrise
Sunday morning, missing one
Happy Father's Day

Sunset

The sun and moon no longer friends
Will pass another day apart
Your enemy, I won't pretend
To feel the beating of your heart

Chalk Lines

We were here in the still life of morning
Where skin touching warmth begins a new day
Now I am cold in the still breath of mourning
The part of your heart that has faded away
Life we created from love we once made
Has moved on without us needing to grow
From tongue to lips upon wet sheets engraved
Was the chance to be free and finally know
Fingertip stories, art posed tete-a-tete
Outside of the bedroom, inside of your heart
Guided footsteps through every closed gate
But crisscrossed promises pulled us apart
Now we are here in the still of silence
Like homicide victims of love's violence

Out of Breath

The air that you need
is ten times my capacity
and each time you inhale
you leave me out of breath

Kim

Kindred spirit to my
Inner turmoil and
Mental tightrope

Retreat

Hearing nothing
but the sound
of one slow...
dying...
heartbeat
This silent poet retreats

Vow

He asked me if I often spoke with you
Among the stars and deep within the night
But this was love when summer's fall was new
We knew nothing of our missing hindsight
His voice was steady, calming from the start
Clear water dreams and madarin kisses
I leaned in to learn the beat of his heart
Though life was fleeting, full of near misses
Behind a chair huddled in a dark room
I sighed breath from my heart down to his soul
Though he was taught love would translate to doom,
Vowed to adore him as our love grew old
Stars and seasons change constantly with fate
But my love for him will never abate

Separated

I wish my daddy wouldn’t go away,
So often it just breaks my mommy’s heart.
But Daddy has a life — and cannot stay
Forever and it tears my world apart.
He doesn’t see my tears when he is gone,
Asleep, or busy with his family.
I thought before I was the only one
To bring him love and peace so easily.
I don’t care if my sonnet sounds all wrong,
I’m just a little boy who misses him.
And mommy’s just a girl who’s pretty song
Will never reach his heart that way again
Each night I watch my mommy kneel and pray,
I wipe her tears and wish for him to stay

Trash Day

Drag me to the curb
With a Do Not Disturb Sign
Leave me with the trash

Small Talk

We are now small talk
A smarting bitchslapped attempt
Holding onto hope

Illumination

Watching your silhouette against the tree
Shivering eves slightly shading your gaze
I follow your thoughts up to the night sea
Like some kind of astrology foreplay
The poem forms perfectly in your mind
Each star represents a metrical rune
I feel prose escape from your peaceful sigh
Enlightened by glow of the stars and moon
Reaching for the brilliant song you have made
To pour it into my passionate soul
Seizing the essence before twilight fades
Our eyes meet briefly to annul the cold
The quiet brightness of a starry June
Puts our souls in synch, our heartbeats in tune

Weeping Willow

I'm a weeping willow beside the lake
But an asperous oak is what you need
Arching shelter for you, about to break
When you need rest, you no longer seek me
Her branches have grown to hold you up high
My hope has mysteriously wilted
She's grown taller again and I know why
The balance of your life has been tilted
Captivated by the fresh new branches
Which extend out to you like open arms
Unaware of how the willow dances
You lean into her cragged, wooden charms
I told a sympathetic wind today
After leaves fall down, they all turn to grey

Tissue

Someone else
dried your tears
which sent us back
a thousand years
And the crumpled tissue
that relieved your fears
is me
at the bottom of your trash

Mistake

One soul is ours
between two bodies
Growing older
and wiser
with love and time
One heart is ours
between two passions
beating stronger
and faster
with perfect rhyme...

Those are the words
I began to write
then made the mistake
of answering your call tonight

Numb

Narcotize my nerve
Unresponsive to your undermined
Muffled, mixed up, mystified
Blunt, blind blur

Repeat Offender

Pour salt in my wound
Sprinkle with lemon juices
Repeat offender

Summer

Blue ocean seas are whispering my name
Mysterious deep waters embrace me
Paradise lingers like soft golden sand
My mere memories cannot replace these

A Call To Emily Dickinson

Emily, lend your voice to me tonight
I need your echo flowing from my lips
The lover's woe and hopless, endless plight
Need to escape my trembling fingertips
The poem will not surface from my heart
I need your sadness and your sympathy
The snakes, the rose and how you aimed your dart
Invade my thoughts like friendly empathy
When sextons keep their keys locked over there
I beg you to rewrite life's golden plan
So lovers can be blissfully aware
When gazing eye to eye and holding hands
Emily, lend your voice to me for now
So I may reach his heart someway, somehow

Stirring

Your ghost was passing through my open dreams
A midnight chill of emptiness appeared
North winds seemed unforgiving to redeem
The peace my mind felt when your soul was near
Breezes from the past and from the pages
Sang their haunting songs around my head
Locked up in their steel and rusting cages
My comfort and my faithfulness near dead
Stirring in my dreams I felt uneasy
And watched my inner self go quite astray
From sleeping fires no one could retrieve me
To view the silhouette where we would lay
I woke to find your ghost had left my room
And knew that death's cold hand would be here soon

Lonely

Lights burn across my city
Only to send reminders
No one to curl into
Everyone now asleep
Lights dim across your city --
You are miles away from me

Doubt

Did I say too much?
Or was my timing poor?
Under this fast approaching
Burning uncertainty
Tricks linger at my mind's door

Wound

And silently, I cry all by myself
For hurt that you have taught me not to hide
The way such prose can quickly break the shelf
Upon where all my deepest fears reside
My thoughts of happiness can't stop my heart
From beating out of this destructive place
I stop this moment, unable to start
And end our words without leaving a trace
Of sorrow on your inattentive sense
Tomorrow will come quickly if I pray
Your mind distracted will not take offense
If I dismiss it for another day
I can't deny the perfect symmetry
Of soothing, tender words not meant for me

Love Escapes Me

Love, you escape me and hide within pain,
Somewhere you stand naked and cold,
Wait for my kiss beneath the pouring rain.

Too elusive and fleeting to try to obtain,
And for the moment I grow old,
Love, you escape me and hide within pain.

My search for brief shelter is in vain,
Caught in a storm with no memory to hold,
Wait for my kiss beneath the pouring rain.

The burden of hope causes such strain,
Impossible to live life as we're told,
Love, you escape me and hide within pain.

Water washes all but one tiny grain
Found in the sands of our soul,
Wait for my kiss beneath the pouring rain.

But I will wait to hear from you again,
Make your voice daring and bold!
Love you escape me and hide within pain,
Wait for my kiss beneath the pouring rain.

Past Midnight

Past midnight tonight I realized this:
You don't need my love, or your infant son.
Each hope that lingers soon fades like your kiss
When morning arrives, I know that you've gone
I tried to be patient, loving and kind
Bending and changing to fight for your heart
I really believed I could change your mind
With faith - despite being so far apart
Harsh rainstorms tonight bring me restless fear;
With it, a sadness never felt before
You were not crying with me and my tears
Live stronger without me. Just slam the door.
Past midnight tonight I finally see
Without us near, you are finally free.

City Noise

She's staring past the busy city noise
While darkness tries to wake her tired heart
The only sound she hears is his soft voice
Her comfort while they are so far apart
The moonlight's eye reflects her flowing tears
With complements of friendship and rapport
Just for one moment she ignores her fears
Remembering the way love was before
Aware of echoed sounds she hears a train
Its lonesome travels speeding through the night
Her silent wonders prove to be in vain
And answers lie beyond the city lights

Lights and noise are lullabies at best
To keep her from the solitude of rest

No Voice

I could not write my song tonight
My mind felt pale and weak;
A baby bird that couldn't fly
A mute that couldn't speak

Stood Up

I waited for you patiently
Hoping that you would meet me soon
Three hours later I could tell
You stood me up this afternoon

Goodbye

Gently whisper farewell
Or say nothing at all
On this dreary day
Dandelions wilting
Bring me further from
Your promise to stay for
Eternity

A Mother's Dream

Beautiful rose
Touched with the breath of morning's dew
Beautiful rose
Gracefully, you open, then close
The rain's kiss allows you to bloom
Like a mother's nurturing womb
Beautiful rose

Between Life and Death

Bring me back home...
Let me find strength within your arms
Bring me back home...
To the only safe place I've known
Protect me from life's deadly harm
Save me from death's deceitful charm
Bring me back home