New Start

I felt it tonight
Your soul caressing mine
Time hushed his hurried jealousy
and quietly brought your love to me
Whispered promises
petrified hope and faith
delicate and deep in my heart
came alive with passion
for you and our beautiful new start

Revise

Revise your thoughts with someone else's voice
You shield your heart from truth beneath the night
Uncertain why you fade through willful choice
I shake and cry because this is not right

Those words we gave in breathlessness and hope
Erased and gone after one single turn;
And carefully you walk the tightest rope
Forgetting all the trust that we have earned

A trust that nothing could or will appear
To tear our souls away from destiny
A trust to wipe away the bitter tears
A trust someone would never replace me

Now you have slightly rewritten our songs
And the lyrics reveal our love is gone

The Room in My Heart

It's messy in here
crammed full of thoughts
of you and of us
and all that we've lost
You don't stop by
very often to see
the windows in this room
draped in impossibility
It's too dirty to hold
but too foul to ignore
Please try to avoid
the papers on the floor
Such empty words
and scratched out hope
pay no attention
to the hanging rope...
It's messy in here
Slam the door, lose the key
so you'll never have to face
what you are doing to me

Back and Forth

Apply it
on a larger scale
to us and our life
This revolving door
which stabs my back
like a cold steel knife
In and out of love
back and forth, between
turning us off and on
like a flickering light
until we fade
fade...slowly...
into a silent scream

Perspective

I should have known
that day --your tone
And the way your eyes averted
to look down at your phone
in the middle of us
That your heart
was already going back home
I should have known
that moment -- our fight
And the way you left
ignored me for the night
wasting precious time
That your heart
had changed its mind
I didn't know
our dance would end
or that when you were given
a chance to begin again
it would be with her

Less

I will tell you
why I cannot stay
You lose me when I'm near
and discover me when I'm away
You didn't even notice
My eyes have turned so grey
Now I know
how much you love me --
Much less than yesterday

Dust

If you are
an emotional wasteland
then I am
only the dust
blowing through the wind
itching your scalp
relentlessly clinging to your hair
The annoying gritty grain
settling deep into your eyes
until you realize
it's time
to turn away from me
shield yourself
let her wipe your tears
I am just sand
dry, unimportant particles
over your protected land
Have no fear
I will eventually separate
into a million pieces of nothing
and silently disappear

Man Made Mystery

Curious imprints
Permanent across my soul
Vanishing footprints

Mirror Mirror

I've disliked the mirror before
But now I sit huddled
on the uncomfortable
cracked marble floor
trembling and crying
at how increasingly ugly
I have become in your eyes

Sickness

It wasn't a punch
in the stomach
More like
the bitter taste of vomit
rising up
burning bile
as  I watched your
change of heart
and her safe, happy smile
slicing my trust apart

Junkie

I stare at this spot on the wall
as I feel you fall away from me
for four hours straight
Now filled with the impression
like some junkie
high from depression
of your word
just a word
You said yes
And I guess
I should use the same firmness
confident confirmation
swift and painful affirmation
of my jagged knife
to redraw the bloodied vein
from under my pale skinned soul
when I end this life

Balance

Silence is balance
Distance disguises my pain
But it is so real

Migraines

Please turn off the light
Don't care for me tomorrow
Migraines fill my heart

Last Hallucination

I stuck my hand
outside the window
and felt the scars
welcome the blood
Of the piercing limbs
from reaching branches
scratching down my arm
from somewhere above
It felt like rain
but burned like fire
inside of my veins
re-drowning my hope
Straight-scarred and stained
from secret desire
invisible in my womb
like destiny choked
Barely breathing
blue from my patience
I pulled and tugged
until my flesh was torn
Gripping tightly for you
one last hallucination
I drew back my soul
tired and worn

Sweet and Precious (Jonathan’s Lullaby)

The stars appear to light your sleep
Oh sweet and precious baby mine
And quickly you begin to dream
Oh sweet and precious boy

Drift away on clouds of prayer
Oh sweet and precious baby mine
Feel my love it's everywhere
Oh sweet and precious boy

Return to me when morning comes
Oh sweet and precious baby mine
And back to dreams when day is done
Oh sweet and precious boy

And back to dreams my little one
My sweet and precious joy

Starlight (William’s Lullaby)

Starlight, Moon bright
night time is here
Close your eyes, baby
dream time is near
Sunshine and kisses
moon beams and wishes
Fall into dreamland with me

Starlight, Moon bright
eyes closed tightly
Angels and rainbows
moving softly
Into your heart now
I'll be there somehow
falling in dreamland with you

Dreamtime (Charlotte Miller’s Lullaby)

Dream time
holds you my baby
in your mind
Fly far, high now my darling
you will return in time

Night time
brings you her wishes
to your heart
Reach up, grab them my darling
we won't be far apart

If you should wake before the sun
and look for me but find no one
I'm right there....
Open your eyes again to see
that sun that warms your room is me
I'm right there beside you

Dream time
holds you my baby
in your mind
Fly far, high now my darling
You will return in time...

Fly far, home now my baby
you always will be mine

Time and Life

You are offering me a test
cheating me daily after 5 pm
and on weekends -- even less
But watch your second hand closely...
you aren't giving me your best
I'm waiting just outside of your whisper
while life presses her ear to your chest

Translation

I'm too ill of heart to write
but the lonely and continuous
warbled cry of the infant
translates my every tear

Quiet Bleed

Under quiet veins
Silent moments leave me weak
Bleed my faith away

In the Way

I roll my eyes
at the sight of another
sappy cliche
of love and passion
But from afar
I love thee always
in sonnet or song
sparks my jaded reaction
Sadness overwhelms
my feeling of loss
and my fragile soul
pretends to ignore the pain
I watch your world spin
into stability and control
and step out of the water
so you can swim freely again

Jealousy

Will poetry convey it
beautifully enough
even though
it is still ugly green and destructive?
My eyes absorb
too many facts
a photo
and too much in common
My mind predicts
the upcoming constriction
of my already slow, waning breath
Even though she's new
and different
much safer than me
I read her words
and know your heart

Please don't start

For D.

Love bends and sways
just like the tree
that stands so quiet
so peacefully
Its branches grow
the limbs bear fruit
but never break
entwining roots
Love remains strong
just like your gaze
upon my tears
while talking to the rain

Today’s Music

Today
life happened again
Despite the smell 
of cornstarched baby powder
upon lavender bathed
wriggling newborn skin
crisp, clean linens
brushing gently against
my moist cheek
the striking sounds of Vivaldi
previewing spring's symphony
with the rising melody
of the mid morning sun
attempting to dry
my crescendo of tears...
I still feel an emptiness
filled with the lyrics and music
of wasted years