White Shirt

I wrapped myself in you tonight
sweet combed cotton
cologned in your scent
symbolic to my touch
This white shirt
at one time there
in the spotlight
just hanging on display
undisturbed on a hook
among all of the others
becomes a tender caress
over warmed naked skin
clothing a deep longing
within my patient soul
And a memory of quiet nights
spring grass underneath our heat
slowly brings to my heart
the sight of your smile
until I recalculate the miles
between our clocks
My casual happiness
in long-lived comfort wanes
and lonliness appears
like the slight wrinkle
covering the tearstain
just above your right sleeve
on the day you had to leave

A Lonliness

Do you hear my voice crying for help anymore?
My hints lie around like forgotten toys on an old floor
My sadness comes in faithful waves of dreams
Now muddled in murky rivers and streams
Of conscious and careful amniotic hope
I balance my blessings inside the lump in my throat
And a womb of security stays hidden somewhere
Buried with secrets we will never share

Clearing the table and drawing bath water tonight,
I realize my voice is simply out of your sight

Nightmare

The nightmare repeats what my mind has carved
That feeling of danger captures my words
Rabid like dogs being beaten and starved
My tongue lashes out --  I still have not learned

Mistaken and shamed, I cannot retreat
Where is the ink that will scratch out my lies?
Gone like a puzzle that's missing a piece,
Forgiveness and promise will not comply

Swallowing the sword that smiles my pain
Daring illusion -- my sharp witted slight
Those howling hungry hounds drive me insane!
And corner me in the dead of the night

The nightmare predicts of me losing you
To my own fabricated fatal view

Stained Admiration

This milk stained shirt wet against my skin
smells like twenty four hours of wake
Not that you would even try to understand
or appreciate the security for him that I make
My mixed emotions are too fragile and tense
to stand upon some glass box near your will and speak
but "clinical" would be my most agile response
if you would let me remember my reasons to grieve

When it amounts to you and all of your day
we solve and salute each pertinent cause
But turn for a moment upon my gaze;
We are nothing but mismatched souls with flaws

This milk stained skin has started to itch
from showerless nights and hunger soaked mornings
Whatever we once thought is only a myth;
Complacent thoughts replace adjacent warnings

Drenched again in unsynchronized desire
I find no part of this memory of us to admire

Nursing at 4 AM (Blank Verse)

A slight tingling sensation warms my breast
You gently persuade my body to free
The immunized elixir to your tongue
With half sleepy eyes and curled hands you take
My raindropped shower, a downpour of mild
Sweet and dewlike feast to your appetite
Appeases your quick hunger instantly
Soothing your hollowed, pained cry for comfort
Your soft, searching hands rest upon my face
Stroking, caressing my familiar smile
Your arched brow reveals that you are in dreams
I pull you closer and whisper secrets

These words you will hear from my heart to yours
Only in our world of mother and son

Details

Somewhere between the fits of coughs
and the stirring of tonight's stroganoff
I looked up to the corner of the stove
above the kitchen counter
and was distracted by
the careless placement
of the label on the side of the vent
I started to rant and rave
about how easy it would have been
for someone to take five minutes more
to center that warning
just to make it more pleasing
to a baker's tired eyes
It's the little things, I justified
Pay attention to the details...
Then I remembered with a soft smile
you always do that
and I looked longingly towards the door

Nevermind

Muffle my heartsong to no sound
Suffocate me in a pillow of your silent anger
Walk out again to protect your ground
I should have known I was so close to danger
You showed classic signs of shutting down
I thought we had grown better and closer with time
But you slapped that faith with a complete turnaround
When I woke this morning to...

Nevermind.

Replaced

Some deceptive voice convincingly
caused her to let go of her hope reluctantly
Transposed in some other time and place
was the vision that she had been replaced
Curious to know about someone from the past
his need for newer connections finally unmasked
Perhaps she would have, if given the word
taken his hand gently and remained where they stood...

Now sallowed mind and migrained thoughts
make her mourn silently for all she has lost

Simple Reminder

I know that it hurts you
when I compare and contrast
but I don't deliberately say things
to hurt you
Here's a simple reminder:
Everytime you leave...

I am the one who never deserts you.

The Secret Insider

Gossip your tongue until you turn it black
avoid the true person -- security escapes you
But watch me carefully before you turn your back
I am completely aware of what motivates you
Your voice is shrill and strong for the moment
but tame your words from wildly roaming
Gather your people as you try to show them
their suspicion and hatred  --- attempt to control them
Disseminate prejudgment and circulate rumors
Like a disease given sustinence, it will feed on lies
But the strength in your soul will destroy the growing tumor
bringing and end to the breed of your alibis
The warm, confident voice will be the only one heard
your attempts to undermine me are completely absurd
The rest of this poem temporarily escapes me ---

Just don't fucking underestimate me

Suspended

You brought to me on soft white ecstasy
the whispers of a lover's secret soul
I dreamed of us in rainbow reverie
with memories of our stories untold
You woke one morning just to leave my life
and past the tower drove to find your home
Some cardboard cutout posing as wife
would comfort you in what you could not own
From me or any promises we made
Beneath the tree when grass blades shadowed love
Where touch and sweetened kiss would never fade
we lay together breathing skies above

Then, like hanging some old hat on a hook,
You suspended our passion in a book

Untouched, Gone

The brightened stars are fading once again
Behind uncertain curtains of my mind
Night's selfish pull will justify the end
Compel us to resist and then resign
Ourselves to simple silence for three days
While winter winds blow harsh and bitter tests
Against our stubborn pride lean our cliches
Some sentimental lie "it's for the best"
Your hands mirror my own in dire need
To write and redefine the author's prime
My hopeful, faithful thoughts will not concede
To fortune's perfidious deal with time

I leave my writer's pen untouched, alone
You still have not noticed --  I am gone

Director’s Cut

I didn't get the part
and it hurt like my bones
bending backwards
without breaking
But I read every line near perfectly
apparently not as clearly
as I thought I had
So I watched
newly ashamed
as they all stood
laughing at my pain
smug smiles on their
Hester Prynne lips
mouthing my name
as if it were some curse
I didn't bother to bring my purse
or to pack my case
or state it for that matter
Any reason or logic
would simply shatter my reflection
the role I once adored
cut by his swift rejection:

My costumes are too old and torn
a hint of perfume once worn in the fall
exhumes too many thoughts
of late night conversations
mere improvisations placating my fears...

But I will never let you see one tear.

Camouflage

The light infiltrates through the darkened room
In spots and patterns the shadows repeat
Escalating breaths in the afternoon
Memories revived in the rising heat

My skin burns beneath you like desert sand
My kiss brings water to your dry, parched lips
Your heart holds my soul in its loving hands
Your soft words an oasis of pure bliss

Whispers and sighs mix sweetly with touching
Camouflaging lines drawn across our love
Pleasure dissolves each pain into nothing;
They fade into the quiet night above

The patterns imitate the afterglow
but my feelings lie dormant, hidden below

Politics

I'm sick to death of seeing your name here
A place where you are unwelcome at best
Who do you think inspired the dream, dear
Just get back in line -- hopeful like the rest
Your bootlicking words implore him for praise
Hand him your apple so shiny and new
Pamper his ego, tempt him with your gaze
Others please him more easily than you
Lift up your skirt to reveal all your tricks
Work up his psyche with pseudonym love
Pull him in closer and you'll feel his shove
His powerful strength so hard to resist
The date is drawing dangerously near
Motives for polling are desperately clear

Little Feet

I love the way
you hesitate slowly
right before you eat
Your timing
from Mother Nature's watch
rhymes beautifully with
Earth's symphonies
And I love the way
your smile
in the middle of my
hurried, hectic day
makes me feel so complete...

And I love your tiny
soft and perfect
happy little feet

If

If you could not hear
the desperate and sincere
I love you
in my reserved silence today
then we are more doomed -
more without hope
And we will always be this way

If you can not understand
why I'm grasping for your hand
at this late hour
to help me make a change
Then our love won't last
because zero to impossible
is our maximum possibility range

Reply

Because I love you so deeply
it affects my sleep
until we fix it
And my clouded mind
plays cruel tricks;
It won't allow
my heart to rest
so I stay up all night...

"You need to work on that"
was your reply.

Blended

Within this place of reverie and time,
I sit upon this rock and think of you.
Mulling memories like sweet, ripened wine
first savored by my tongue and then approved.
The trees send breezes from my hearts desire
to swirl around my body like your breath
upon my skin. They leave me inspired,
and thoughts of us restore my waning faith.

But echoes of our voices from today,
remind me that we have so far to go.
Now reverie and time-- they fade away
to where your silence lies far down below.

I've blended together your perfect line
by adding love for you to make it mine

Last Night

The greenish glow upon my face has gone
Another night has robbed us from our time
Unkind mercy threw her sticks and her stones
One of us now blind staggers far behind;
I clear the table from where I had dropped
A dish or two in hopes we would talk soon
The china stacks up high just like my thoughts
As I clean the mess from this cluttered room
I hesitate to put these plates away
For fear that we won't use them anymore
The greenish glow will not stay lit today
One of us spent, falls asleep on the floor

I realize something about last night,
You only wanted to stay up to write.

Fucking Feeling

That fucking feeling came again today
An eerie tone that  throws us so off synch
I tried to think of things that you would say
As hours passed, my hope began to sink

What is so strong that pulls you far from me?
It guards you from admitting you are wrong
My tolerance of this has grown so weak
I've kept these feelings quiet for too long

Make up your mind to stay and try again
To love the one you love with all your heart
Consistent, constant communication
Prevents the mood from keeping us apart

Tonight these clouded skies bring me no rain
To wash away that fucking feeling's stain

Darkened Bench

Sitting on this darkened bench
barely a streetlight near to reflect the sky
I watch for the ominous moon
hidden by goulish clouds
blurred by muffled cries
And the night's luminous stars
who echo empty sighs
are easily hidden from view
while I grow colder, so much colder
in the discomfort of midnight's womb...
without you

Strands

The lock of hair that stays within your hands
Preserved the beauty that our love once was
But since I gave into your soul demand,
That same lock of hair is thinning because
The water is harsh here and strips the wear
From the hair that shined for over a year
It lost silky softness from lack of care
And falls to the floor with each of my tears
Then once I find time to comb through each piece
Taming unruly, impervious strays
I lower my brush in shameful defeat
Remaining unkempt in so many ways

Like a revitalizing deep shampoo
My strands are in desperate need of you