Someone

Someone stopped the tears tonight
of a seven years old's anxious fears
He cared enough
to easily shed
the tough facade
that most adolescents wear
just to complement my son
Gimme five for that cool costume!
he said with a warm and friendly grin:
and I watched my son's confidence
slowly filter into a smile
Down on my knees
Next to my sleeping child,
replaying the scene
in his peaceful dreams
I added Someone to my prayers
asking God to watch over him
because only God knows who he is

Bars

I watch her make the home that we should warm
Your kitchen smells of meals that I would bake
And when she lies there safe inside your arms
My God! My God!  It's just too much to take!
I toss and turn in sleepless prose again
The letters she did write to you before
They haunt me now because this is the end
And I elect to stand outside your door
The irony has caught up with my mind
Periphery now leaves me without view
My sleepless nights are bleeding into rhyme
But fail to bring me close enough to you
My senses will form bars around my heart
Keeping our two distant worlds apart

Depleted

The air in my tires
has slowly depleted
And this morning,
I could hear the rubber squealing
as my car rounded a curve
to leave the highway
The screech prompted me to
turn around and find a place
to fill them up again
I sat idling for too long
among numerous others
who were there before me
so I gave up
Listening to the radio
a prisoner of the same song
I put the gear in reverse
and headed back home
Walking inside
alone again
the smell of black crayon
melted from extreme heat
echoed the sound
of tires wearing thin;
my patience disappearing
like elevating wheels
on a distant tarmac

Comments

Of course it makes you stop and think! You turn
those lost, missing seconds of ours into
constant arguments unresolved. So learn
when someone brings a different song for you;
Remember where your past time was once spent?
And where your tender heart once rested? Now
so rare and inconvenient. Repent,
return, then reiterate that somehow
it will be so much better than before.
A few days in partial silence, then time
rewinds the sincere words that gave us more.

Time to temporarily heal our scars
permanently unrates our love five stars

29th Wonder

Tonight I held the baby
so innocent and pure
like the love from which he was created
when we were so sure
that adversity and impossibility
would never endure
once we finally passed the place
where we felt so insecure...

and I wondered where you were.

Blue Steel

You know that I'm here
waiting for a sign
some flash of light
or a familiar chime
But the marker stains red
inside of your hand
and you draw another line
inside of your head
Some asinine rule
will keep you at bay
Though I've fought in the past
I won't beg you to stay
This place tonight smells
of blue steel and glue
I've discovered conditional
I have learned it from you
Those thoughts that I shared
do you understand why
I've failed to open your trust
so this love has gone awry
There's a surface, then a floor
and even beneath your tile
there's an abyss swirling and churning
that you won't reconcile
Alone chooses me
where another world comforts you
But you read silently
as if something to prove
My darkened eyes
hold their empty stare
I've reached that low point
where I don't even care
Accepting the reality you sell
that we are too far apart
While your son nurses from the breast 
which shields my broken heart

Inconsistency

How does your laughter subside so quickly
Is there some magic poison in the night?
Killing your beautiful smile swiftly
Dimming my hope like a broken light

My words get lost in your mood's translation
Electronic blunders become the norm
Overseen by my miscalculation
I risk exposure in your coming storm

How does yesterday cross with tomorrow
When twenty four hours brings confusion?
Where do I conquer that prolonged sorrow
If flipping the switch is your solution?

The futile part of our love is simply
Our constant lies in inconsistency

Inconsistency

How does your laughter subside so quickly
Is there some magic poison in the night?
Killing your beautiful smile swiftly
Dimming my hope like a broken light

My words get lost in your mood's translation
Electronic blunders become the norm
Overseen by my miscalculation
I risk exposure in your coming storm

How does yesterday cross with tomorrow
When twenty four hours brings confusion?
Where do I conquer that prolonged sorrow
If flipping the switch is your solution?

The futile part of our love is simply
Our constant lies in inconsistency

Careless

Unforgiving, winter winds
blow harshly from your lips
like deceitful misleading whispers
behind your taunting kiss
As desperate as I was
to give our kite some air
I placed the bind in your hands
and left it in your care
You stood and watched it rise
too high to be alone
But did not pull back tightly
to quickly bring it home
The breeze carried it away
with those tiny grains of sand
Because you let the strings
loosen from your careless hands

Evaporate

Did you breathe it in
only to let it evaporate
before using the air
to sustain your high
It's not a slow dissolve
when you provide the point
to pierce the skin
too delicate and pale
stretchmarked within

and truth be told...

She should be the one on hold

Silence

Here lay with me in silence and sorrow
My dignity can find no more trials
The scourging sun has burned your denials
But daylight brings another tomorrow

Your words they seem too forced to be truthful
Your stonelike stare reflects nightfall's cover
You're blind again and fighting your lover
Your pride, your shame is worthless and hurtful

So lay with me in repeated silence
Then walk away with righteous defenses
Forgetting our elusive pretenses
We'll say goodbye to justified violence

I'll start the voices in all of my dreams
And bring our silence to deafening screams

Allusive

I sit quietly, waiting on our bench
Sighs in my head form the words I can't write
My paper is blowing, my fingers clenched
Both stand apart, refusing to unite
Cool breezes in the air seduce my spine;
Soft inspiration for the perfect prose
Their enticement fails to a soul supine,
And my emotional door remains closed
Ocean bound palm trees seem out of season
Their green leaves intoxicate me sober
Numbing me to the infinite reasons
I am missing the fall of October

Trees lower their branches, I shade my eyes
From the allusive poem in my sighs

Dulce de Leche

Softening swirls
of pleasing taste
caramels twirl in streams
Lips and tongue
don't hesitate
to devour the sensual dream
Voluptuous flavor
entices my desire
sweet devonshire mixed
into cooling fire
Ecstasy rich with
honeyed moonbeans...
I close my eyes
and savor your cream

Wild Honey

The indelible sweetness
of early morning
lingers in my memory
like the scent of wild honey
And if you can picture
that look in my eyes...
You might remember
the taste of it too

Friday

Your words determine how and when I'll sleep
Such power in your inconsistent praise
Or lackthereof, depending on your week
By weekend's time you taint me with malaise
This pattern of sporadic love is set
Refuting my hopes to stay close to you
And I spend my nights cleaning your regrets
Which linger nearby like molding mildew;
Is my sex unequal to your mistress?
Did his birthday invent new excuses?
Are you fully aware of the distress?
I feel lonely, uncertain and useless

Goodnight misleads me to abandoned sleep -
Wishing it were not the end of the week

Waiting Room

Waltzing crystal rainbows on the windows
from streak-free pristine shine the night before
Piled papers stacked neatly in their inbox
Sterile scented carpet on the drab, brown floor

No color to be found here inside of my nail-biting heart
despite children's chatter and innocent questions
Because I can still feel every part of you while we are far apart
And sense your heavy-hearted, blue depression

But I can't even speak softly or hold your trusting hand
through thoughts I'm not allowed to know or try to understand
So patiently I sit once more in the empty waiting room,
unable to immunize you from your growing, afflicting glum

Cyclone

And now the anger spins instead
A cyclone of another voice
I bet you answered her in red
and thoughtful kindness --that's your choice
But I'm the one who stands beside
your lonely heart, your lovely pride
You chose tonight to stay away
through words you didn't want to say
My simple poems won't bring back
the love we knew what we now lack
Your comments forced and out of tune
just leave me lonely in this tomb
A place I will not ever leave
because you choose everyone over me

And God knows how my heart stays true
because I choose no one over you

Juliet

My passion and my patience wait for you
Inside a half dark room with hidden fire
My knees drawn to my chest -- a warm cocoon
Prepare me to emerge with kempt desire
At last! The guiding streetlamp lights your path!
Beside a lake, my hunger tastes your kiss
Your footsteps alight softly on the grass
The place where we will soon begin our tryst
With caution at my feet, I step outside
To meet my Romeo in sight and sound
And lips to lips, we consecrate this night
Where living dreams and fantasies abound
With one touch of your searching, shaking hands
My body will submit to your demands

Popcorn

It broke again
Burned brown seeds
and melted butter
oozing sunflower colors
leaving stains on the floor
I stood there surprised
feeling confused and slightly amazed
The button was red --
should it have been green?
My checklist became a haze
It was the messiest sight I'd ever seen!
I couldn't remember
who shut the door last
Yellow spots and popcorn dots
peppered patterns along the glass
The noise was annoying
beyond any repair
it kept popping like a tin man
punching his own heart
and hitting empty air
The smell was stale
and distracted me from cleaning
my eyes were tears
from salt in my wounds
and my patience was weaning
Trash it! I thought angrily
Dump it all into the box
Haul it to the curb --
Let someone take it away!
Buy a new one
justify the loss ---
Impatient from the chaos
that had practically ruined the night
Turning back to the kernels
scattered randomly
and the broken machine inside
I grabbed the broom
to sweep it clean again
while hiding my lonely sigh

At Twilight

I sit embraced in twilight's silent grasp,
when weeping moons bequeath a gentle glow
Unbound by moving memories from my past
I chase them down where peaceful rivers flow
So happily I roam within their scenes!
Those sparkling days of sharing secret slips
I find you there relaxed and so serene
Your pen in hand creating life's late script
A star -- it falls upon my wishing lips
Then fades before I close my eyes to pray
For one more dance between your fingertips
Will sweep me into heavens that betray
My eyes linger inside of your lover's stare
Though you remain completely unaware

He Said

Clean it up, every part
                        leave no trace or line
                        I need to recover
                        that hollow which was mine
                        My will should decide
                        what your eyes can believe
                        if I restrict your heart
                        I can tame your need
                        It's a place you can't travel
                        there is no lock, no key
                        and though you cry out
                        in a loving voice
                        You can only have
                        what I will let you see
                        and if I remain strong
                        I will have less of you
                        and you will have none of me

Ping Pong

The first time
I sailed over the net
feeling exhilarated, free
The next time around,
I started to notice the sting
when the paddle hit
and my soul flung forth
across the web
--the stretching barrier--
to the other side
By the third time
I felt dizzy, confused
wondering why
I just couldn't stay
on your side
You kept flinging me
forcefully forward
away from you
intentionally aiming
with premeditated precision
but partial perception
Finally determined
to eliminate me permanently
higher than the divide
with immense strength
and an unconquerable will,
You hit me directly
in the center of my heart
Stumbling backwards
unable to control my body
my vision forever impaired
I swayed back and forth
like a broken pendulum
or a stunned ping pong ball
and fell down

Rolling off the table
spining and spiraling
in mid-air twirling around,
Unable to gasp
or make a sound
I landed upon the ground
and to this day
I remain hidden safely
where I never will be found

Shutting Down

Tapping her fingers in impatient haste
She sighs heavily at the blank, dark screen
A monitor for all that her heart sees and knows
Staring at her from the lifeless machine

It doesn't care how broken she feels
It wasn't  designed to show any emotion
It can't take back the lost,  missing years
It isn't interested in foolish devotion

Suddenly, the screen lights up in grey- blue
She watches cautiously as the words reappear
Her eyes witness the inevitable ending on cue
Feeling a familiar loss, she releases one tear

Silently, easily, it turns off without a sound
Her mind repeats "Windows is shutting down"....

Cancer (Life Without Love)

There's a growing cancer within my chest
A fatal disease infiltrates my blood
In a constant state of rancid unrest
My body rejects any hope for reprieve
Defenseless and cornered behind my closed door
This lump in my chest steals my strength to live
I sit shivering and vomiting upon a cold floor
Losing parts of my soul I will never retrieve
There is no ribbon created in rememberance or cure
And no one can promote awareness for this cause
But the inevitable deterioration of self and soul
Eventually brings attention to this tragic loss

Death is no pardon for enduring such pain;
Life without you is just death in refrain

Invisible Rain

My soul is searching for the rain
                        not simple drops of teasing insults
                        I want to be drenched in a flood
                        desiring to drown
                        as it spirals me down
                        and slowly but completely
                        infiltrates my pores
                        boring deep into my dry and deserted mind
                        Quenching my thoughts -
                        an oasis for my prose
                        it transforms the murky sky water
                        into waves too blue and clear
                        Unusually invisible rain
                        resembling a dreamer's drink
                        waiting inside of fragile crystal
                        to be tasted like salty years
                        wearing the scent of my tears
                        There, a few moments of pure tranquility
                        standing in transparent puddles
                        I let small rivers form around my feet
                        and long to meet the clouds
                        who brought me such a gift
                        Grace me with a stormy wind
                        like some newborn ship
                        upon an old man's sea
                        Release me, just release me...
                        Naked in the shower
                        My soul is thirsting for the rain
                        My soul is searching for the rain

Pressure

The wind’s pressure slightly tilts a branch down
Sweet happiness frowns upon the spots and spills
When you’ve had your fill of my over requited love
You disappear like drying dewdrops on a windowsill
Selecting and infecting the ignorant tree
To remain immune, immortal within
Apt to bend, slightly break, but never concede
To that perpetrating, familiar, unrelenting wind
That reminds you of me
Storm raging wildly, refusing to pass quickly
Breaking the fragile, delicate, brilliant glass
Pieces will shatter and cut our flesh slowly
And hint of the end if we follow this path
With blood stained, injured, damaged hands
Do you cry wounded with pain
Or do you find me waiting in crimson hope
And go back to where love began

Suicide at 55

I noticed today
how the shape of my eye
greatly resembles the tear
withheld in my sigh
that escaped from my lips
when that last butterfly
smashed into my windshield
as I drove fifty five

Trivial

I'm still unable to completely run my hands
through the empty space where I cut my hair
Trivial, though it seems to even give a damn!
It meant so much more than I will share

You hold it and admire it as if it were some prize
but discard all the moments that led to that shear
It's easy to play dead when you can't see my eyes
Blue ribbons must conceal every sigh, every tear

Traduced again, my trusting heart and loving trust
Abandon us once more to weep and grieve;
Your reasons are unclear but to you they are just
Now my soul will play dead but secretly breathe

You could have owned that beautiful sonnet kiss
If you would have given me only slightly more than this

Imperfectly

The unforgiving wind
tousles and teases
my once smooth dreams
interrupting my deeper thoughts
while I stare past the sunflowers
the ones that used to bloom there
Biting my lip again
I feel a growing loss
The sunshine in the park
falls dull to dim
as I draw my hopes closer
My knees to my chin
guard me from losing
anymore than I can win
Faith bound by thin ropes
of whimsical poetry
as if my thoughts
were light enough
to lead you home to me
Is one single drop
of rain from my sadness
worth the plastic spoon
I hold together
because it broke too soon
from the weight of mediocrity
I only have the limited capacity
to fully understand
why you couldn't

just love me imperfectly

Bland

This I write as we should speak
And mourn the loss of lover's care
Our souls who witness this will weep
To know our worlds are barely there

No longer touching inside of you
I cannot reach beyond your wall
These superficial night venues
Replace the tenderness of last year's fall

Your face reads no secret emotion
The air is drenched with tense strain
I stare my hope into your reflection
While swallowing my rising pain

And through all of this dull and bland
I bite my lip and stare at your hands

Repent

Those three treasured words
often seem common or trite
spoken in the heat of passion
or as closure to a painful fight
But taken from your rigid lips
or given just the same
mean more to my disoriented heart
than I can ever explain
I've pushed you miles further
than you can safely swim home
It's too deep to search your sea
but my heart needs to atone
That numbing, emotionless hum
of nothing bleeding through your veins
that miscalculated passionless sum
from too much anger and repeated pain

Would that I had tamed the oceans
and prayed for more rain

As the buoy floats above you
but your arms and legs are spent
I'll find a way to hold you up
I'll find a way to repent

And if you tread better without me
I'll dive deepest into my own
Forever remembering my wrongful trespass
upon your unsuspecting soul

For SPM

Mistress

I wrote more thoughts of us today
and piled them in that darkened room
You know the one with the sign on the door
"Just leave them here, I will be back soon"
So the pages and pages of you and me
will collect in a home filled with emptiness
And the love borne from poetry and memory
will fade, then disappear into nothingness
As I close this tattered book tonight
I huddle silently behind your closed door
A living proof of the author's right
My pen is not mightier than your whore

Exility

My soul lies somewhere inside of those dreams
Where I met you under the moonlight's taste
Your soul floats close to the rising peaks
Of soft moving streams and sodden faith
The sleepy waking eye blinks twice
My mind is consumed with infinite vines
Green blooms entangled with wintery ice
Lacking seasons to nurture the complex designs
My soul lies in memories beneath lover's sheets
Where touches and whispers invigorate my heart
Your soul is a beggar at obscurity's feet
Where head, heart and body remain far apart;

Behind ignorant eyes of tranquility
You cast none of this into my exility

Absolution

Angels watch but never speak
They linger here in cause and curse
I beg for mercy at their feet -
My pain proclaimed in secret verse
With holy hands they let me breed
Then wash them of the world I knew
Why do they stand so silently
And watch me fall away from you?
Angels eyes reflect the night
Hidden tears fall upon my face
Misguided by their fading light
I fall again from saving grace

Blue lips turn cold from misery
Absolution, breathe new life into me!

Veiled

I tried so hard to remove the veil
Perseverance of love without protection
But live-giving whispers turned deathly pale
And I stole from you your last breath of affection
I realize now I cannot fully unveil
the innocence of you hidden from me
In knowing this I surrender this will
To love you past impossiblity

Cradle

The softest breath upon my neck
Reminds me of your velvet kiss
The slightest smile upon his face
Returns me to your loving arms
His shyness is the depth of you
That my own heart cannot retain
Sweet joy he knows of you and me
And when he cries it is your pain
Night brings dreams of your soft voice
Those songs you sang before he knew
Day will be his favorite place
To write and send his thoughts of you

He's growing stronger by the day
When will you find the time to stay

Nothing

Nothing like the black hole of night,
Nor bright and clear like the comforting day
A simple and motionless stranded kite -
Praying for something to take it away
Nothing like the words you spoke
Drunk with fermenting adrenaline
Much more like the stubborn oak
With propagating timberline
But silent and distant as the wind
That breathes nowhere around me
Until the suffering tempest moves past,
You abandon me where you found me
When you finally reach out your hand,
I'm lost among the grains of sand