Insecurity

Adrenaline rush
pulses through my body
consuming me with an energy
close to the exhilaration
felt early this morning
Climbing higher and faster
predestined for the top 
I notice the calico sky
mismatched patterns
of clouds drifting by
Shielding my eyes from the sun
squinting to make sense
of the tiny world below me
feeling the essence
of breath and light
I lift for a moment
Then a paradox of flight;
Arms reaching for the high
My soul heavy and snagged
on the ground far beneath me
sinks to the bottom
of my insecurity
because you called her first
instead of me

Clouds

Ambiguous grey skies
Sad, dreary day
Slow time with quiet hours
stopping to wonder
missing the flowers in spring
They say it may rain
but all I can think of
is how the gathering clouds
feel like familiar whispers...
your heated breath upon my neck
The sun's determined shine
slightly peeking through
the stubborn morning haze
reflects the memory of your smile
and the love in your eyes

Cure

The words are forming in my head
And soon we are to say goodbye
The part I loathe, the sound I dread
Is when I have to mask my sigh

The night breathes doubt, I feel life sour
Damned restless thoughts keep me awake!
Tears come and go through lonely hours
Fear slithers past my hidden gate -

A smile plays upon his face
The feeling bathes me in sweet bliss
His loving arms around my waist
Conceal his leaving with a kiss


A sound much softer, ripe and pure
My lover’s laughter is the cure

Toxic

I fought the feelings tirelessly
With hope that they would disappear
But now with green toxicity
the Stupid Girl is standing here
I've lost the sense of what was real
My thoughts plagued black with observation
My pride will claim it all surreal
And wipe away the red sensations
No doubt you love me, and I love you
But Stupid strangles my breathing heart
My will became weaker as we grew
And finally tore my strength apart;

This airbrushed fear consumed my soul
This Stupid Girl has lost control

Typical Me

This whole new love is difficult to see
Thoughts hold my heart for ransom again
Oh doubt, stupid pride, vile insecurity!
Take me to where you have already been

Guide my wanders and mislead my wonders
Teach me some sense from leaning in closer
Part me from living like a rainbow with thunder
Distract my desire to pull the strings tighter

My pleas are lingering too many to ignore
A damaged learner for mockery's pleasure
No longer resting at the solid oak door
Time has renounced me his stupid beggar

This whole new love would be easier to see
If I had been anyone but the typical me

Remarried

Anchors and oceans lovesick and brave
Standing on the periphery of a obstructed view
Sleep has divorced me since the end of May
As life has engaged and married you anew

Missing

Something like the sweetest dew
Has lived within my eyes for days
But lonliness has turned their hue
While holding hope in stable faith
The words are muttered, muddled, drained
My hands are cold and cannot write
When love's new vows are too restrained
I fade to dreams near Jamestown's light
Enclosed, entranced for hours it seems
Until the screen fades blue to black
And some known needed mild reprieve
An infant's smile -- brings me back

Though newborn's sighs are soft like rain
My search for you is still in vain