I wish I had control over my heart the way I have
mastered my breathing through these contractions. Some
people think that labor is more painful...but what they
don't realize is that it would almost be easier to deal
with the pain in steady intervals, than have to breathe
through an uncomfortable preparation for real pain. As I
write, my womb grows still and my body feels tense. The
baby stops moving. The rise of my stomach warns of a
period of unrest, uneasiness, unexplained discomfort for
an undetermined amount of time.
For the moment, I play the role of strength and
willpower. Focus and compliance with the circumstances
create a force of determination in me unlike anything
I’ve experienced.
But when the feeling finally subsides, I stand up to
look into the mirror. With my hands gently cradling my
settling flesh, my hidden eyes secretly wet from tears,
and my deepest sighs silent to everyone around me…
I see nothing but a weak target for cupid’s crooked
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