Conversation with God

You do this everyday
play in the innocence
of cereal and smiles
I lean back and watch you
hands together
then apart
making beautiful art
of imperfect circles and
awkward squares
Screeches of delight
bring me out of my own thoughts
and I stare lovingly
Through all of those
first sounds and babble
Slowly, I begin to see
When you happily shake
that red polka dot rattle
and knowingly look up
with bubbling excitement
proudly grinning
your emerging two teeth
You are having a conversation
with God...

And sharing it with me

Break

Four teardrops linger upon my cold cheek
Clinging to you in spite of our morning
I silently dread the end of this week
Your missing goodnight was my first warning
I'm gripping the glass --certain it will break
Millions of pieces will scatter around
My mind feels dizzy, my hands release faith
Souless, I watch it crash hard to the ground
Your voice sounds empty, lonely and tired
Don't you remember that I feel it too?
Something has left you so uninspired
Like an overcast day clouds a bright view
The irony of trying hard to stay
Is I always push you farther away

Reassurance

I simply wonder
what sick temptation
convinces you to lag behind
in nonchalant frustration
and eventually causes this
miserable complication --
a shrug of your shoulders
and an empty explanation
when I tell you something is wrong
with our communication

Some Things

I watched your hands
so carefully mastermind
the intricate parts
of structures I'd never understand
How do you know where
each piece belongs
"I just do  --
Like you know
how to make your songs
sound so new and different
every time you sing them"
you said
without looking at me
And in your most grown up voice
continued quietly
"some things just have to be"

Branches

It makes it so difficult
to believe that I am
the only one
When more than one million
can share your private dreams.
And it seems to me
when we are further away
you tend to stay close
to strangers
even though branches
like lovers
should grow from the tree

Black and White

Slow, sinking feeling
Judgmental tones fill my eyes
Close the book for now

Absence of Rain

The sky could not seem to make up his mind
Let the sunrays through or keep the world dark
I persevered with hopes that I could find
A calm reservoir inside of your heart
Instead, I found doubt as grey as this storm
Uncertainty felt surprisingly dead
Forcing my sleep to betray me till morn,
I escaped your reproach inside of my head
A voice like a teardrop whispered my fears
And felt like forgiveness leaving my soul
My certain finale resting in years
Of misled futures and stories untold

The sky and my faith are one in the same
Much too confused in the absence of rain

Patient

Someday
you will look back on it all
Perhaps you might
during one lonely
rainy night in the fall
miss me terribly enough
to clearly recall
each conversation
And you will finally realize
those tears in my eyes were real

Because I was nothing but patient

Plea

A helpless feeling
Distract your mind, not your heart
Breathe when I cannot

Mend

Whatever broke within you found its way
To me tonight and gave me strength to mend
Your tired, aging soul and tested faith
Will feel a healing from my writer's pen
The coldness that you speak of I feel warm
A chair so near the draft will hold new fire
Red passion and the love inside our home
Fuels poetry and thoughts that will inspire
I know this soul you claim to be untouched
Or unaffected as the heart can feign
With angel's whispers and a gentle trust
Your soul becomes baptised under the rain
Your broken soul feels safe inside of me
I'll sing your wounds to sleep, so you can dream

Unhappy Valentine

A sadness - one I've never felt before
I'm needing the redemption of your touch
Love disappears behind a guarded door
Constricts my heart until it is too much
I age to bear this heartache all alone
Though worse it may be to your open eyes
As witness to our lover's plan gone wrong
You judge the execution of my sighs
Emptiness will consume my thoughts into
A spiral into black futility;
This dark cloud that distracts me from your view
Brings nothing but impossibility
A longing for your searching, tender kiss
Returns me to this cold unhappiness

Birthday

As you held him close
in the warm, comforting room
it was one year later
but she was there too
Outside your window
covered by cold darkened snow
I softly sang Happy Birthday

But he didn't know

Line

Please don't
call me for awhile
The line is dead
and my heart
has left my smile

Thank You for Listening

You readers are my friends
and mean so much to me
But I cannot and do not respond
as much as I should
because it's not really poetry
Rather a daily diary of my life
and all of my insecurity
bout the life I have and want
the one that will never really be...

Yes. This is really me.

Songbird

And now
Everywhere I go
Deep inside of my mind
His unkind voice sings:

You failed
You failed
You failed
You failed
You failed
You failed
You failed

You. Failed.

“Courage” and Doubt

How could you doubt
the very soul
who helped to create
and sustain the life
that I now so tenderly hold

Your "courage" is too bold.

Ink Turned Dry

Today you gave up again
and my golden pen
ink turned dry
could no longer
transcribe the sigh
that you accepted
so willingly
once upon a time
when our sheets were warm
when we never dreamed of goodbye

Emotional Diet

Just because
I fall down hard
and seem to be okay
going away into the quiet
to protect my scraped dignity
doesn't mean that
you shouldn't show me
how much you love me --
doesn't mean that
you should teach me a lesson
by putting me on some
fatal emotional diet

Waiting Room

Please keep me posted
Lovers don't wait for answers
Eight hours passed by

Kite

The kite flies too low
Pull harder to lift it up
Or -- just let it snap

Weekend

Friday feels unsure
Saturday a voice cries out
Sunday you are gone

Quiet

This silent morning
What are you not telling me
A gentle spiral

Pulse

Intense lonliness
Vibrating into heartache
Like a deadly pulse

Round Two

The sickness returns
Raping my immunities
My strong health cowers