Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Silk

Sensual satin touches
Intertwined ribbons of desire
Lightly surrounding my passion
Kissing my lover's lips

Deferring

If I believe will he arrive
And bring with him the love I need?
Deferring hopes to sleep and dreams
Reminds me life gives no reprieve

Deferring

If I believe will he arrive
And bring with him the love I need?
Deferring hopes to sleep and dreams
Reminds me life gives no reprieve

Thirst

How long will lovers have to wait
And should they sit upon some bench?
While life decides to fill the heart
Despite the thirst it cannot quench

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Equilateral Triangles

These triangles
though all sides are equal
and their angles are the same
Have dangerous, sharp pointed edges
and were never my favorite shape

Against Impossibilty

I am
a single browning leaf
traveling upward
against impossibility
to reach the branch
from where I fell
or perhaps was plucked
too early from safety
one late summer evening
Will I arrive home?
It's too soon to tell

Us

You
Nothing but
Growing infinite distance
Between memories and dreams
Me

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Distant Door

The softness in your touch
meant forever in your eyes
our togetherness now immortal
in separate lives
All we needed was more time
maybe two days or more
but for now I cringe and cry
behind a distant door

Summer Love

Jump forward, feet first
penetrate smooth, blue waters
Empty rope swinging

Where memories stay
and childhood remains free
you will find my smile

High above the trees
near your fumbling fingers
the wind seals our kiss

Summer love will always end
in the hands of fall

Familiar Tune

This song
commiserates
our first innocent love
A night that would last forever
now gone

Friday, May 25, 2007

Anchor

Too prepared for the tumultuous storm
I will proceed into the dark blue sea
Aware of the inevitable harm
Fighting against impossibility
Holding tightly to the ship's spinning wheel
Steady balance challenging nature's wrath
Cold, icy rain blindfolds me to conceal
The safe way to shore, the easier path
Finding the anchor though rusty in hand
I toss it into the waters below
Settling deeply into murky sand
I huddle watching the night's harsh winds blow

Another potentially fatal storm
Will find me near death, trembling and worn

Romeo and Juliet

Lovers
Slow tragedy
Together or apart
Undeniably forbidden
Till death

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Replaced

I was yours
the irreplaceable button
on your favorite shirt
you said
When I went missing
you finally replaced me
with a plastic circle
a stand-in snap
and cheaper thread

For Amanda

A simple squeeze
upon your shoulder
in the middle of the chaos
Just a reminder
to put your soul at ease

Details

I asked
for one lemonade,
you brought me
two limeades.
We are missing
in the details.

Hiatus

The only ocean
I will see
on this hiatus
is the flowing water
from my eyes

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Kick to the Groin

Today felt like
an intentional kick
to the emotional groin
only higher
Blindsided again
though you expected it
my eyes began to water
my heart quickly folded
doubled over in pain
You simply pointed out
the obvious bloodstain
left by the shoe
of your number one fan

Coin Toss

Coin toss for my soul
Thrown up high, lost in midair
Heads or tails unkown

Acoustic

Life without you is an acoustic piece
A single guitar plays a solo song
One voice serenading to find release
Without the harmony to right the wrong
The poetry hidden inside a tune
Becomes lost -- forgotten too easily
A starless night with only half her moon
I long for the music to rescue me
The singer plays his emotional pleas
But his passionate soul can't escape him
Words are drowned out by missing melodies
As I wait impatiently for the end
A guitar and a voice must keep us strong
Until the notes played turn from tune to song

To My Muse

Oh, how I wish you could feel
                        the freedom of the words
                        flowing in unison with my tears
                        My thoughts become your lips
                        speaking the blessing
                        of inspiration to my hands
                        creating the very life
                        inside of the poem I breathe to you

                        There is no poetry in my soul
                        without you,
                        no thought worth warming
                        without you
                        There is no passion in the spoken dream
                        without the soul and heart
                        found in the inspiration of you

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Apprehension

One uneasy thought
Six simple chores to finish
Five more years to live

Monday, May 21, 2007

Sixth Sense

He feels the pain too
Small hands cling tightly to me
He has a sixth sense

Missing Joy

I stopped the music
for one moment
to drop down with a sigh
on my hands and knees
to crawl around
and look for the missing joy
My head hit the hard center -
the foot of the mirror
and in its reflection
a little girl
hurting, pouting
lower lip trembling
a tear brimming over
like a boiling pot
with too much water
or a child's wavering
determination not to cry
over her missing toy

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Backwards

How do you finally
reach the place
where tears and rain
no longer fall
softly with
the graceful pause
that once lingered
long enough
to rest upon
your comforting arm
around my shoulders
when my heart was heavy
and my hope was dim
Somehow
We've arrived there again

Novice

Teach me the last lesson
the one about being empty
I want my heart to master
the art of feeling nothing
Help me to let go
of the dream I once held so precious
of family, warmth and security
a little's girl's treasures
and how beautiful life
was supposed to be...
People must wonder
why my thoughts are so sad
They just don't comprehend
and neither do you
You are the best life
I never had

Clowns

I've always been frightened
of all types of clowns
Despite their perfectly painted
obvious, overattempted smiles
We all know they play the fool
and are really dying inside
with invisible frowns

I'm such a clown.

Passion -- less

You want passion
I gave you passion
Too real to be ignored
But now I realize
You're leaving me behind
Because you want less passion
than before

Writer's Block

Crumpled up sympathy
Tired blue eyes out of ink
Metaphors for my misery
When we are out of synch

July

Season
                        Breezy, carefree
                        Relaxing, inviting, and warm
                        Summer

Solitude

Isolation
                        Desolate, lonely
                        Secluding, confusing, abandoning
                        A longing for companionship
                        Solitude

Restraint

Peaceful pain
                        Inside of you
                        A second key
                        To my thoughts and dreams
                        Melted down into a lock
                        And so you thought…

                        Confusing answers
                        Given to me
                        An invisible barrier
                        To your heart and mind
                        Encouraging the walls
                        And though I waited…

                        Silent solution
                        Bottled up, sent to your sea
                        Disappearing in your ocean
                        Only to drown
                        And so I thought…

                        Restraint was never a variable

Dove's Song

Upon this lonely night
                        I sit nestled like the dove
                        quietly crooning for love
                        or some other hope
                        And you knew giving into fate
                        to clip your own wings
                        despite the strong desire to sing to me
                        it was your only chance to fly away
                        My lonesome, longing song
                        echoing throughout your years
                        could never follow you home
                        And plucked from passion
                        an empty rain, a faith in dreams no more
                        found within the sighs of your silence
                        were my painful, hidden tears

Remembering Home

I erased the pain for one moment tonight
                        Remember your smile when you entered the room?
                        I envisioned your skin pressed against mine
                        Underneath that brilliantly glowing moon
                        I closed my eyes in search of your kiss
                        My lips entwined in your fantasy's grasp
                        I anticipated hours of intimate bliss
                        Your silhouette appeared on that familiar path
                        Whispered words into trusting ears
                        Morning lovers wrapped in peaceful calm
                        Tender understanding cradling my fears
                        My soul inside of happiness listening to your song
                        Dear God bring me back to that comforting place, please!
                        Home where my heart rests, You are what I need

Trespass

My footsteps lightly tread upon
                        Some place where I should never be
                        I feel as though I don't belong
                        Among these songs of reverie
                        My smile fading as I tread
                        Shaking hands replace my nerve;
                        Stumbling through a room I dread
                        I quietly read familiar words
                        The light turns on, I hear a voice
                        Quit now! Give up! Just run away!
                        The fear subsides, I've made my choice
                        Loving thoughts will make me stay
                        But now I have some evidence
                        Of where our precious time is spent

Diluted

When your door is shut closed and unwelcome
                        at half past the years from where we used to be
                        in the midst of the last summer storm
                        Will I realize then
                        those dreams of you
                        something perfectly serene
                        vanished
                        Will I realize then
                        those words of love
                        Forgotten and unurtured
                        with the photograph of your youth
                        and evaporating questions of our future
                        which never seemed to translate
                        into verbs on time
                        Are now unspoken and undefined

Unwell

I watched him sleeping where he lay
                        Beneath the cool and crisp blue sheet
                        His fragile touch could not repeat
                        His eyes spoke what he would not say

                        The room seemed unfamilar now
                        Boxes and papers lined the walls
                        Rusted frames adorned the halls
                        Strange photos remained only for show

                        When I tried to care for him
                        He turned his heart away from me
                        I fought the tears and let him be
                        And watched him fall asleep again

                        He closed his eyes and I could tell
                        My love was sick, tired and unwell

Full Moon

I will never drink
                        another cup of tea
                        past midnight stars
                        as my hunger
                        for dancing with you
                        in that room
                        illuminates a brighter view
                        than future sighs alone;
                        I will never drink
                        another cup of tea
                        too soon

9:11 AM

Straining and sniffling
                        annoyed at the straight piece of hair
                        constantly falling into her eyes
                        she reached up as far as the sky
                        or at least as high as the ceiling
                        On her tippy toes, arms tiring
                        she wondered how inspiring
                        these books could have been
                        had they been read
                        Had he taken the time
                        perhaps to sit in bed like a lover
                        and seduce her easily
                        with soothing poetry and rhyme
                        Distracted by the shining award
                        teetering towards her ground
                        Off-balance to avoid the fall
                        She slipped
                        but made no sound of pain
                        when the Glass shattered
                        and cut her flesh
                        perfectly down her arm
                        How conveniently eerie
                        it would choose her right one
                        protected and out of sight
                        and not her left
                        full of dare and bravado
                        ready for the final fight...

                        As the blood traveled slowly
                        and deep dreams drifted loudly
                        from some darkened room nearby
                        Like harm finding destiny
                        Her tear found a voice
                        Her Heart let out a sigh
                        Blurry eyed
                        She glanced out the window
                        and sadly watched the dog next door
                        Fenced in, unable to escape
                        Looking around her feet
                        the shells imprisoned in that vase -
                        and now finally free
                        She suddenly realized how fragile
                        Love can really be

Oblivion

Freshly manicured fingernails
                        anxiously scroll through each page
                        Every poem has too much meaning
                        questions and doubts stab at my uncertainty
                        Newly discovered insecurities arrive with baggage
                        uninvited but they plan to stay
                        until my heart can no longer smile
                        Under my gown
                        A quick run of the hand
                        reveals a slow healing scar
                        and I'm wondering at this moment
                        where you are
                        Then, face down on the glass
                        cheek pressed into a dream
                        I find uneasyness better to live with
                        than oblivion

Tuesday

Outside
                        It's grey, overcast, very still.
                        While pulling a few stray stubborn weeds
                        from the thirsting, dry garden
                        she notices a cool morning breeze
                        Such a rare visitor
                        she observes out loud
                        to no one but the tree
                        which stands patient and quiet
                        while the wind teases and fondles
                        its upcoming autumn leaves
                        Then, memories come slipping in
                        like a slow, infinite breath of clean air
                        Rushing her with thoughts of him
                        kissing her, holding her, loving her
                        A wet greeting falls upon her skin
                        teardrops for her thirsty soul
                        Because...
                        she pauses to remind herself
                        It's not going to rain today

Five Contemplations

My eyes slowly lower upon a page
                        I feel the futility within my own sadness
                        And once again I am filled with such rage
                        To witness the turmoil creating this madness

                        Further I crawl into a hole of despair
                        A page filled with us no longer one to my own
                        No boundaries or lines drawn now I'm forced to share
                        A heart meant for me, the other half of my soul

                        Dates are not numbers to quick title a thought
                        Unreasonable algebra is failed logic to me
                        Calendars now mark those important days lost
                        With soft spoken words and calm reverie

                        Hand to my head with tears in my eyes
                        Leave it for now it's impossible living!
                        Sleepless again categorizing each fear
                        Fool that it would change after constant forgiving

                        Changes in one bring changes in two
                        Invisible words become more silent with pain
                        The storm in its irony takes rain from my view
                        When I desperately need him to stay

                        **********************************

                        My eyes slowly lower upon a page
                        I feel the futility within my own sadness
                        And once again I am filled with such rage
                        To witness the turmoil creating this madness

                        Further I crawl into a hole of despair
                        A page filled with us no longer one to my own
                        No boundaries or lines drawn now I'm forced to share
                        A heart meant for me, the other half of my soul

                        Dates are not numbers to quick title a thought
                        Unreasonable algebra is failed logic to me
                        Calendars now mark those important days lost
                        With soft spoken words and calm reverie

                        Fool that it would change after constant forgiving
                        Leave it for now it's impossible living

Patient Pain

Your silence weakens my patient pain
                        In crowds of years I remain unknown
                        With one last laugh at lover's faith
                        I create the shore to walk alone

                        On your way to the mountain's end
                        Stepping on my hands for stones
                        You dared to lose a dearest friend
                        Who paused to replace the rocks you'd thrown

                        A beautiful view from those moving clouds
                        But still too far to try to claim
                        I stay behind to break the vows
                        With one last sigh for lover's blame

                        Search for my body left near the sea
                        My soul rests beneath where I'm finally free

Distracted by the Southwestern Sun

The southwestern sun never sets
                        it merely rests for a moment
                        while the heated night air
                        mourns a moonless sky
                        The same billowy white clouds
                        that comfort me in daylight
                        turn dark and foreboding
                        and feel much like my empty sighs

                        In the corner,
                        a chair, a book and a tree
                        and boxes of childhood
                        smile a sweet memory
                        But my mind still travels
                        to a place much further
                        and reminds my heart
                        there is something there
                        more important to you than me

Unexplained Melody

I heard her sad song in the night
                        with voice angelic, soothing calm
                        It woke me from my dreams afright
                        An eerie silence, then she was gone

                        Four days and months she came and went
                        The mirror of my shielded grief
                        And never was my sorrow spent
                        She stole it like the treasure's theif

                        Words would not live upon her lips
                        One minor melody would reign
                        To guide me - this forgotten ship
                        From waves of drowning, endless pain

                        I called her home to stay with me
                        She would not leave her lonely tune
                        And that sorrowful, solo symphony
                        Eclipsed my ignorant, hopeful moon

                        Shivering and shaking in this chair
                        Awake -- I cannot bear to rest!
                        Cradle the infant, stroke his hair
                        And feel the suckling at your breast

Umbrella

A spotted umbrella
                        unopened, brand new
                        gave shelter from storms
                        when held closely, for two
                        Now she leans, abandoned
                        tired, worn and used
                        A tattered umbrella
                        bears the likeness of me...
                        Regifted from you

The Artist's Masterpiece

Wanting to create a beloved masterpiece,
                        the artist dipped his brush
                        into a rainbow of brightly colored hues
                        Somewhat confused as he drew back his dripping pen
                        he frowned upon the careless black strokes
                        that covered the once empty page
                        Slowly rubbing his chin in bewilderment
                        he watched as the darkened puddles
                        formed a different kind of beauty
                        a tragic form of sadness
                        he felt deep within his own soul
                        Carried away with the impression
                        of this new muse -
                        some depression upon his heart
                        he began to outline the shapes and emotions
                        of his lifeless ocean, his sinking world
                        Not once missing the birth of greens
                        nor the softness in a robin's egg blue
                        he painted, painted, painted
                        stroking up
                        stroking down
                        wildly turning into a madman
                        composing his art without lyrics or sound
                        His eyes brimmed with rain drops
                        and his hands stirred the storm
                        the canvas before him
                        now covered in futility...
                        A shrouded mirror
                        a clouded vision
                        with no reflection
                        resembled nothing but a one sided door

Shield

Distracting grey silence
                        upon dawn's whisper
                        Quickly fading lust,
                        quiet longing mystery
                        like the disappearing touch
                        of a lover's gentle hands
                        that have just taken leave
                        of the heart of his mistress
                        To finally return home
                        where he finds strange but familiar kisses
                        waiting for his desire;
                        he remains too far from being alone
                        Wandering sadness
                        near midnight's bed
                        Incorrigible tempting dreams,
                        colorfully surmised visions
                        like the emerging feathers born to the bird
                        vaining himself in everyone's mind
                        to believe some high importance
                        where he loses sight
                        reflections gone of the mirror and light
                        But a walk to the sky
                        sings a tear for the clouds
                        and slowly passes by her smile
                        as if to ignore the softening rain
                        Brushing aside her golden veil
                        to reveal her dampening sighs...
                        sheilding and protecting her love
                        she finds tranquility
                        where it should never exist

Elusive Moon

She awakens to write but leaves too soon
                        missing the loss of her love, the elusive moon
                        Dreading to face another quiet day
                        confined to what she can't do or or say
                        But one tiny breath from a newly born sigh
                        will freeze her thoughts this summer night
                        And a cloud that lingers within a song she won't sing
                        barely hides the wounds that time will bring

Letter to "Sam"

This letter unsent
                        to you inside of my drawer
                        for me to secretly keep
                        A place to capture
                        my thoughts and reasons
                        that cause my heart to weep
                        I've now disengaged
                        myself from you
                        in ways you will never see
                        You asked me today
                        is it life or death --
                        does it really have to be?
                        If needing you
                        takes so much of your
                        precious little time
                        Then no more will
                        I ask of you
                        to share this life of mine
                        I know that I
                        can't find the strength
                        to walk away today
                        but hope remains
                        that someday soon
                        you will beg me to go away
                        The boys are growing
                        and they will know
                        just where you were --
                        not here
                        My smiles mask
                        the difficult task
                        of swallowing my fears
                        To get to the end
                        and look back with regret
                        on all that we could have been
                        To know that I lived
                        half a life without love
                        and never had a true friend
                        I tried to explain
                        in simple words
                        it has to be different and
                        you don't believe
                        that I could find it all
                        with some other loving man

                        I can and you will see

                        A foolish girl
                        to think that a movie
                        could touch you deep inside
                        it revealed the tears
                        I could not cry --
                        the hurt I have to hide
                        You laughed at my wish
                        to be one of Jane's girls
                        saying you found it
                        so very endearing
                        But you failed to listen
                        and my desire to be loved
                        is what you should have been hearing
                        "Everyone, everything
                        is second to you"
                        that's the facade
                        I couldn't bear
                        For so many years
                        I desperately tried
                        to show you I just wanted you there
                        Why was it so plain
                        for the whole world to know
                        and everyone else to see
                        Each time that I needed you
                        and asked you not to go
                        You chose them over being with me
                        "I have no choice?"
                        There is always a choice
                        it's a right we earned to make
                        But living the wrong ones
                        seems to be the path
                        you are blindly willing to take
                        Last night you touched my hand
                        and actually cried yourself,
                        I could have sworn your words were true
                        but now I see
                        short-lived, short loved
                        is all that I am to you...

                        So much for my dream
                        of growing old in someone's arms
                        So much for your hope of "round two."
              Inspired by The movie The Thing About My Folks
                       

Dreaming Too Long

She dreamt too much to hold onto
                        and sank before reaching the shore
                        Her hope was the image
                        difficult now to erase
                        the way each finger would trace his own
                        when some memory of love
                        had them speaking more
                        In perfect synchronization
                        the slow and steady tune
                        remembered bodies and souls in motion
                        beneath the summer stars
                        before it ended too soon

Complacent

Cleverness and biting lips
                        find her waiting in the deep
                        Complacent to her uneasiness
                        from promises too long to keep
                        No more to wonder or ask the question
                        what steals her Mona Lisa smile
                        Blind feelings lead to fabricated whispers
                        and keep lovers in complete denial

Blank Page

The page stared blankly at her
                        as if she were some traitor
                        This suspicious instigator
                        of the soul's lost prose
                        I know she finally said aloud
                        admitting she was too proud
                        to write it all down
                        the dying rose...
                        She wouldn't illustrate
                        the softness of the rain
                        and how it disappeared that day
                        without the warming of the sun
                        No one to dry her last tear
                        She couldn't immortalize
                        the sadness she felt
                        upon speaking even toned
                        and casual tongued
                        Simply because in one moment
                        it had become too easy
                        to ignore the silence
                        and believe the fear

Thought for Less

Words
                        Like soft downy feathers
                        too fragile to safely land
                        lost forever on the breeze
                        with a careless wave of your hand

                        Hope
                        Like a collection of clouds
                        lingering in the chilling air
                        gathering for another storm
                        with a thought for less...
                        You will never find me there

Little Girl Lost

Where did you go, Little Girl
                        Oh, how did you drift so far away?
                        You have to have learned by now
                        Hope is shallow, fleeting and love doesn't wish to stay

                        Didn't you feel the tide rushing in
                        Why stand before waters so deep?
                        What made you venture out to find his heart
                        You knew it would be a treasure he would forbid you to
                        keep

                        Are you out there now, Little Girl
                        tirelessly trying in vain
                        I'll miss you forever my sweet, precious, lost soul
                        but I can feel you crying beneath the falling the rain

                        And the constant reflection -
                        the taste of your tears in my eyes
                        brings me silently to your sadness and pain...

                        I wish you would come home again

Black Wednesday

I've never unliked the moon so much
                        than when it lights up a night without your touch
                        And the summer warmth chills like snow upon my skin
                        when the distance between us remains infinite

                        I've never uncried so deeply inside
                        this overwhelming pain that I have to hide
                        But the comforts that linger from memories past
                        like the invisible tears upon my pillow...

                        They are fading too fast

Staring Out The Window

Staring out her window
                        back against a wall
                        The soft glow of lights
                        that don't seem to comfort her anymore
                        fades into the trees
                        Those silent admirers
                        sweet lovers in the grass
                        stand tall with protective memories
                        and sensual swaying kisses
                        Like surrendering morning's slumber
                        to night's alluring call of dreams...
                        She sighs too deeply
                        wipes away a single longing
                        and wonders if he seems anxious tonight
                        or simply tired

Answer

There's a growing uneasiness inside of me
                        since you asked me that midnight question
                        My mind is overwhelmed with reasons and logic
                        to convey my explanation

                        I thought of using metaphors
                        of dances and scales and rain
                        But no analogy exists in prose
                        to describe my continuous pain

                        The more she gives and turns to you
                        the less we are are to be
                        It isn't selfish or envious greed
                        and it's far from jealousy

                        It's a powerful pull upon your will
                        that causes you to go blind
                        To the constant love I've pledged to you
                        the hope you thought you would never find

                        Her words contrite and soothing for you
                        deafen you to my sighs
                        And though you know and feel my fears
                        You stare straight ahead and drive

                        My own clarity comes to me at last
                        my love for him is in vain
                        Because the honest reason
                        why it bothers me so
                        is she takes my hope of us away...

                        But the desert so thirsty
                        and parched of true faith
                        cannot survive without rain

3 AM

The key would never fit the lock
                        Sweet fate would have her turning round
                        The drive seemed longer than before
                        She went through the door without a sound
                        Finding him still sleeping there
                        In dreams she couldn’t bear to wake
                        Her fingers softly stroked his hair
                        I love you on his skin she traced
                        And feeling her love he pulled her near
                        I love you more came his husky whisper
                        She wiped away one single tear
                        He embraced her tightly and deeply kissed her
                        But tonight alone and remembering this
                        She sighed a longing he would never know
                        Her hands reached out to a faded bliss
                        While he slept, unaware of how far apart they’d grown

Plea

Oh, softest rain
                        come cleanse me now
                        my words all lost
                        too long, too silent
                        For in the night
                        do you feel my soul
                        sifting through
                        the broken glass
                        Of tears once shed
                        in seasons past
                        beneath this dull
                        and darkened quiet

Adaptation

Cut this beautiful creation
                        out from within me
                        Take those early nurturing moments
                        from my desire
                        and force me to give it
                        in a new and unfamiliar way
                        Give me no choice
                        it has to be this way
                        Much better for the baby
                        to feel settled
                        And it is...
                        I feel it,
                        I see it now,
                        and I have to accept it
                        But the adaptation is
                        and will be draining -
                        both physically and emotionally painful
                        Modern medicine
                        will mask the healing
                        Avoid eye contact
                        no one will know your fear
                        Quiet your voice
                        they will mistake your silence
                        for reverent contemplation
                        Hold the precious infant
                        so close to your breast
                        let him hear your heartbeat
                        Feed him when he is hungry
                        but let him sleep
                        when he needs rest
                        Warm him with touch
                        but don't smother him
                        Remember how fragile he is
                        cradle him gently
                        Sing to him
                        he knows your tone
                        Write about him
                        he is your muse, your prose
                        Love him. Just love him.
                        Console him when
                        he cries absent tears
                        Reassure him
                        you will be beside him
                        Protect him
                        from all harm and fears

                        Just don't ask anything of him

                        And remember
                        he is dependent upon you
                        for simple survival...
                        until he realizes
                        he is no longer a baby

Labor of Love

I wish I had control over my heart the way I have
                        mastered my breathing through these contractions. Some
                        people think that labor is more painful...but what they
                        don't realize is that it would almost be easier to deal
                        with the pain in steady intervals, than have to breathe
                        through an uncomfortable preparation for real pain. As I
                        write, my womb grows still and my body feels tense. The
                        baby stops moving. The rise of my stomach warns of a
                        period of unrest, uneasiness, unexplained discomfort for
                        an undetermined amount of time.

                        For the moment, I play the role of strength and
                        willpower. Focus and compliance with the circumstances
                        create a force of determination in me unlike anything
                        I’ve experienced.

                        But when the feeling finally subsides, I stand up to
                        look into the mirror. With my hands gently cradling my
                        settling flesh, my hidden eyes secretly wet from tears,
                        and my deepest sighs silent to everyone around me…

                        I see nothing but a weak target for cupid’s crooked
                        arrow

For Today

A confusion in the clouds
                        wanders my mind
                        Cautious, meticulous steps lead me away
                        from the thin line that balances
                        my steps toward your closing door
                        Unsure and afraid to go down the path
                        I've been here too many times before
                        but remembering the promise...
                        I head back once more
                        to sit and wait for the clouds to pass
                        But silently I wonder
                        with sadness and a slight distrust
                        How many times will I have to ask you -
                        while steeling my will and turning to pray
                        instead of watching you slowly fall away from us
                        How many times will I have to struggle with
                        futile strings of hope on shredding rope
                        before they finally burst
                        before I can't run fast enough to find you...
                        before it's too lost, too late
                        Will you please let me carry it all
                        even if it's only for today

Tomb

Sleep calls me now
                        but I hold him at bay
                        so my wicked tongue won't speak
                        Another crime fought
                        and for this token betrayed
                        by true feelings locked too deep
                        As swift as morning
                        turns to night
                        so does my heart and mind
                        Commence to toss
                        and finally to turn
                        this massacre out of my sight
                        Love's tears don't weep
                        for invisible want
                        Hope leaves upon my fear
                        My fingers mold well
                        to the trigger of your gun
                        when it silences my bloody tears
                        Words now deaf and lost
                        my body cries cold
                        despite life within a womb
                        And sleep calls me now
                        to walk past the smoke
                        into an endless waiting room

Waiting

Hair like pieces of shimmering golden sun
                        porcelain skin clean and fresh
                        She waits with due patience
                        upon her lover's return
                        controlling tightening, broken breaths
                        His constant journies home will take him too far
                        while her mind wanders dangerous paths
                        And the lost love emerging from hidden ground
                        will it fade too soon to last...
                        The branches are blooming
                        and the soothing water seems clear
                        along this vaguely forgotten place
                        But when the fall's chill arrives
                        to strip the leaves brown
                        Will he remember her softness, her grace?
                        And when the torrential current
                        brings drowning painful rains
                        Will he long for the smile on her face?

                        Or will memories of a warmth
                        now yesterday's perfect bliss
                        be buried under trampled faith

Quicksand

The tea cup seems colder today
                        porcelain rough against
                        my pink chapped lips
                        A familiar ritual of soothing thoughts
                        wrapped in alluring aroma -
                        unfound and growing colder
                        even with the rising warmth of the sun
                        The sounds of morning's brightness
                        fade with my quiet reflection
                        upon the space that we shared
                        Sweat and sweetness combined
                        creating and repeating
                        the pattern of breathing
                        an afternoon's rhymes of passion
                        And my footsteps vain attempt
                        to bring myself one step closer
                        to your contagious high
                        fail to reach you
                        Unable to move forward
                        as I sink deeper
                        disappearing too fast
                        into this longing sadness...
                        My infinite quicksand of desire

If I Believe

My restless soul
                        feels you take leave
                        Deceptive night
                        watches me grieve
                        Hardened steel
                        around my womb
                        Give faith and will
                        no reprieve
                        Stay my lover,
                        my soul concedes
                        Will you return
                        if I still believe...

Midnight

Protective hands around my womb
                        you know why I silently weep
                        despite the calming peaceful flow
                        Warm water cleansing my thoughts
                        my mind's unclear fear
                        reveals his hands around her body
                        gently cradling her hurt
                        sotfly soothing their love
                        bringing tears of my own
                        Waterfalls of sadness
                        attempting to distract my pain
                        break my strength
                        Curled into a ball
                        naked body unsheltered
                        I rock you to sleep
                        with a lullabye for two
                        But failing to grasp the reigns
                        and point your direction toward home
                        I fall away like an angel's wings
                        burned by the unforgiving sun
                        Doomed by the visions
                        and their rekindled kisses of passion
                        in midnight's room renewed

Competition Repetition

But listen my dear
                        I love him too
                        more dearly
                        than I think you do
                        I will never cease
                        to let him dream
                        and reach the goals
                        he can achieve
                        Like a child of mine
                        I protect his heart
                        and feel his soul
                        while we are apart
                        This man I know
                        in body and mind
                        I will love dearly
                        more dearly
                        than your words decry
                        He is my world
                        my breath and strength
                        We live our promise
                        We give and take
                        Equally in whole
                        and hand in hand
                        I do love him dearly...
                        most dearly
                        and he is my man

Brilliantly Broken

She sat quiet and motionless
                        lost on a broken bench
                        beside the rippling pond
                        soul sinking slowly but deeply
                        into the cool night air
                        The rest of the stars
                        so unaware of her hidden grief
                        continued to dance brilliance
                        and interrupt her thoughts
                        with their downward glance -
                        they shimmered too easily
                        Her glassy stare
                        hypnotized by the droplets of perfection
                        from a dimly lit fountain
                        barely recognized
                        the familiar shape they formed;
                        The mirror of her lonely years
                        or the delicate silhouette of her tears
                        that she wouldn't dare cry
                        Chilled to her tender heart
                        her knees drawn in tightly
                        to protect her aching chest
                        She ignored the bright moon
                        and his mocking joy
                        beaneath the stillness of her womb
                        This unforgiving sky
                        illuminated painful and vivid pictures
                        His hands
                        Her body
                        Her whispers
                        His touch
                        Their life
                        Her loss...
                        And the blissful moments
                        of their own private quiet nights
                        disappeared into the shadows
                        quickly and magically
                        like the soft light of the candle
                        gently extinguished
                        long after they had parted
                        with a loving goodnight kiss
                        She lowered her head to sigh
                        and knowing there was nothing waiting
                        but emptiness and a cold bed to share
                        with a fading memory
                        deceptively still warm to the touch
                        she decided not to try

Whirpool

Like a waterfall
                        cascading silently down the earth
                        into a churning river
                        that flows everywhere but home
                        My thoughts rush dangerously below
                        to infinite fears and questions
                        bringing to me
                        a drowning whirlpool
                        of uneasy discomfort
                        All alone,
                        For the moment
                        A bird's bittersweet song
                        echoes throughout my heart
                        If it weren't for her shadow
                        this grim and familiar symphony
                        ironically motivating me
                        into a stubborn will
                        to submit my direction
                        to the flowing waters
                        I would suddenly recognize
                        the constant loneliness I feel
                        when we are apart

Deceptive Reflection

I climbed to to the treetop
                        smiling in childish play
                        like a new love chasing romantic rainbows
                        after the long unending rain
                        Reaching my arms through
                        intertwined with other branches
                        I finally grasped the tallest bow
                        and sadly realized
                        as I pulled it closer to me
                        the object of my anticipation
                        affection and curiosity
                        was not anything like a cloud...
                        Just a deceptive reflection
                        of a passing hope
                        now falling softly to the ground

Left Behind

The red stain of passion
                        smeared across her lips
                        still tasted of seduction and
                        his tender fingertips
                        Her body now warmed
                        forever to his shape
                        curled around a pillow
                        where his deepest dreams once lay
                        Sinking into the memory
                        of the intimate loving night
                        How his hands knew where to go
                        How everything felt so right
                        Two became one in the moment
                        of the intensity shared and spent
                        She fought back every tear
                        embedding herself into his scent
                        The rush of an aching longing for him
                        overwhelmed her lonely years
                        She tried so hard to avoid the crash
                        but she couldn't bring him near

                        And that was her worst fear

Sting

Forbidden thoughts will make me seek
                        the sleep of lover's first adieu
                        With moderation in quiet's spring
                        I turn my gaze away from you
                        When walls are built to keep love tame
                        the heart is deaf and cannot sing
                        Woeful tears upon her breast
                        will burn, will sting
                        like ocean's salty tears
                        upon a wounded knee

Bittersweet

Love is patient
                        and does endure
                        when the mind is weak
                        and insecure
                        But softest memories
                        do not erase
                        the bittersweet lies
                        you will have to taste
                        Kindness reminds
                        to hold your tongue
                        But love is, when silent
                        something less, something false
                        and indifference has won

Wish List

Patience!
                        she snarls
                        as she paces back and forth
                        like a wild, caged animal
                        Hypocrite!
                        she breathes
                        as she tries desperately to believe
                        what she had said
                        Distracted for a single moment
                        by the clear plastic memory
                        she had remembered to swipe
                        before leaving the room
                        to its private scent of erotica and ecstasy
                        Fiji...
                        she sighs quietly
                        knowing it is merely
                        just one more wish
                        to add to the list

Evidence

It wasn't that
                        you threw my towel
                        carelessly, thoughtlessly
                        to the floor
                        It was how
                        you walked out of the room
                        and absentmindedly
                        left it there
                        It's not because
                        you sat on the couch
                        while I frittered about
                        cleaning and organizing
                        despite my very tired soul
                        It is the way
                        you proclaim your day
                        in some way to be
                        more tiresome,
                        more important
                        with a single, silent stare
                        It did not matter
                        that you rushed them off to bed
                        without a word, a kiss
                        a song or a prayer
                        I am very well aware...
                        It did mean something else -
                        you proved once again
                        that your absent presence
                        in their lives
                        surrounds them like
                        a cold, stale air
                        I did not miss
                        the sweet scent of flowers
                        to replace the empty side of my bed
                        I did long for
                        a hidden love note
                        or some obvious clue
                        that my memory
                        was still in your head
                        I did not place
                        false consistent hope
                        or fleeting faith
                        in the Eagles Wings that soared
                        I did observe
                        that the pomp and circumstance
                        of fame, pride and glory
                        are what you really adored
                        I did not break or bend
                        when my body and mind collapsed
                        and finally fell like rain
                        I did cry myself
                        into a drowning endless despair
                        while the showers quietly
                        disguised my pain
                        I did not notice
                        thirteen years or more
                        had passed without
                        a permanent change in your view
                        But I did realize
                        that you would never try
                        to fully comprehend and cherish
                        the value of the little things.
                        It will not touch you
                        that I wrote this poem
                        to share with you
                        my dreams and deepest fears
                        But you will feel it
                        when I pack my bags and leave
                        to be with the one
                        who will always dry my tears...

                        The one who knows about the little things

Remedy

The slightest touch
                        sends me home
                        with your kiss, your voice
                        I'm never alone
                        Your hands become
                        the memories I write
                        the line is blurred
                        between morning and night
                        Ecstasy rides high
                        upon different wings
                        inspired by songs
                        that no one dared sing
                        Do you know in that whisper
                        there lies a key
                        to everything you deny
                        and thoughts you did conceive
                        The answers dreamt
                        from prose and past
                        are now solid in stone
                        when the hour has passed
                        Darkened doubts
                        have found their place
                        nowhere near
                        this given grace
                        Strength for a clime
                        destined to be won
                        was found at the risk
                        of flying too close to the sun
                        But feathers neither burned
                        nor stricken from your mind
                        Allow you to glimpse and grasp
                        the hand of lost time
                        At final sleep
                        you will find me once more
                        placing the crown
                        at the foot of your door
                        Bowing with a sigh
                        for the sickness you endured
                        for a love you always knew
                        to be real, true and pure
                        Which in forthcoming years...
                        became your permanent cure

Until I Cry

I shake and cry for more than you know
                        led to the places I dared not go
                        You took me there in less than a kiss
                        and now you stand to question this...

                        I shake and cry for pleasure and pain
                        pray for another chance to go there again
                        Ecstasy beyond reason no one can define
                        a marriage of passion and will combined

                        I shake and cry desperate for your love
                        bending and breaking like a willing slave
                        Tasting you and touching you tends to overwhelm
                        at this moment, confusion, loss of control...
                        shaking and crying...
                        for something I have never felt

Kite

I'd gone about my normal day
                        of chores and tasks and more
                        But in every silent cornered place
                        was the thought I could not ignore
                        A love so intertwined with his
                        though winds may chill and blow
                        These woven threads intricately bind us again
                        and like a kite to its string we flow
                        One let to the North -
                        so far from home
                        and I patch on another hope
                        One pull to the East
                        combining delicate frays
                        to make a permanent rope
                        But a chance now vanished
                        to kiss his lips
                        softly, tenderly for him to feel
                        One moment for his eyes
                        to gaze deeply into mine
                        and allow what he knows is real
                        A child's touch distracts me back
                        from questions and tears I will not shed
                        But as I descend to the rock
                        flying too low, too fast
                        I fall with a single fear in my head
                        approaching the jagged edge...

                        Why didn't he pull harder on the thread

Doorstep

Slipping through subliminal dreams
                        on someone else's doorstep
                        Guided by dead conscience
                        on a cold lover's night
                        challenging my heart's forethoughts

                        Disappearing on what it seemed
                        has taken me a stranger turn
                        Sharper now, steer the mind's loose grasp
                        on a forgotten, invisible path
                        and watch discontent rise like suffocating smoke
                        as the fire now burns...

                        in someone else's world

Puddle

Walking sideways, downwards glance
                        a thought for the puddle of rain
                        With eyelids dry but tears in hand...
                        I dropped the glass and ran

                        Feeling pain and peace combined
                        I looked for beauty outside the vine
                        Though my soul cries out to admit you
                        you are a better everything than I...

                        At least I still want to fly

Torn

Inconsistent bigotry of love
                        warps my mind into believing
                        That when your eyes stared
                        a million heartbeats into mine
                        footsteps were slowly retreating backwards
                        too far from where we stood
                        at the blinding moment
                        when the sun seemed so bright
                        Now, the trace of your hand
                        upon the dream where I was born
                        disappears as quickly, painfully
                        as a memory that has not yet begun
                        And leaves me with no solace
                        where the fragile paper has torn

Longing

Most cannot see past the happy day
                        of how I feel when the wind grows cold
                        But to have your hand keep the chills at bay
                        and bring real fire to my home
                        What a memory of a different life
                        to be bonded, sealed, promised to you
                        Or to bear children for you as your wife
                        and grow the garden from a greener view
                        Empty spaces you should fill and feel
                        grow longer in my cluttered heart
                        Passionate dreams I long to share
                        like a muse concedes to the painter's art
                        If you would kiss my lips upon the night
                        and touch my body while I shake
                        Then warmth would bring the end of ends
                        and reveal our flames in the love we make...
                        My wistful, wanton heart won't grieve
                        the feeling of the loss behind
                        Though eternity might dare deceive
                        the truth remains as always in my mind...

                        You are the one I should have hoped to find

Silenced, Still

To have and to hold the unobtainable you
                        that protective barrier locked tight
                        I wanted to be the flickering flame
                        guiding you through darkened light
                        Instead I found myself falling
                        deeper into your sinking ground
                        Just outside of your window waiting
                        but determined to make no sound
                        I'm falling forever outside of your heart
                        but I will not make a sound
                        Feeling your air when you breathe a sigh
                        around your grey, invisible chill
                        Smooth like the rain upon your grave
                        I'll lie with you silenced, still
                        Peace will reveal her remedy to loss
                        absolution for your closed world
                        and an angel will bring relief to your thoughts
                        by the softest whisper you never heard

                        I give you my word

MSPM

He gently tapped upon her door
                        and tried to tiptoe inside
                        But she had other plans for him
                        and wanted to live her own life
                        He sang to her a different tune
                        and held her close to his heart
                        But to his love she seemed immune
                        determined to remain apart
                        He sighed in vain and bore the pain
                        of her negative, calculated storm
                        As years passed on, his muted song
                        grew him faded, tired and worn...

                        She gently tapped upon his door
                        and breathed her way inside
                        She had other plans for him
                        and wanted to share his life
                        She sang to him so lovingly
                        with a voice he longed to hear
                        She brought the rain
                        washed away his pain
                        and erased the sorrow filled years

                        She waited there silently, patiently
                        staring at the stars above
                        His faith in her became
                        the grace that saved his heart
                        from forgetting how to love

Race

Wind slowing down
                        your breathing collapses the dream
                        Faces touching fears
                        and those eyes --
                        with their sly, intrusive stares
                        Haunting and foreshadowing failures
                        Will follow your trail
                        for some years to come
                        Should you find again
                        your heart needing to
                        release...
                        breathe...
                        pace...
                        If only to ignore the race of time
                        Run to the end
                        if hours grant good faith...
                        before you come undone

Someone Else

You don't know
                        from countless hours
                        of drowning in her words
                        A loving gift of written dreams, secret fears
                        erotic passions...
                        Reflections of destiny's hand
                        so carefully imagined in prose and promise
                        Her poetry

                        You don't feel
                        from standing, embracing
                        no space between
                        One moment to last lifetimes;
                        infinite unquenchable fires
                        intertwined with a peaceful calm
                        derived from a kiss -
                        a single kiss
                        Her desire

                        And you don't see
                        from a million and four stars away
                        a fragile, weeping heart
                        longing sighs, wistful yearnings
                        silhouetted in sadness
                        Head in hands not strong enough
                        to hide or dry tears
                        Aching grey skies too heavy to hold
                        Her pain...

                        You don't love her
                        endlessly, desperately, selflessly
                        the way someone else always will

Sinkng Ship

Love you are like a lonely ship
                        sailing away from me
                        My lighted guiding hope
                        is taking you deeper
                        into a part of you
                        which you will never
                        allow me to see

                        Turn the waves around
                        and send me back to shore
                        where I find you sleeping
                        dreaming upon my heart
                        of waters so clear and pure
                        But stormy currents reign
                        and stronger winds consume
                        The whirling pool of drowning time
                        steers us like blind fools

                        Love you are like a lost ship
                        following a course untrue;
                        And I your lighthouse
                        in the hazy confusion
                        will illuminate your view
                        Desperately trying
                        to guide you home
                        will watch, in sadness...

                        as you sink into the blue

Sealed

Copy and paste each touch of my hand
                        that your skin anticipated before
                        Give it me sealed in a memory
                        that I fear I've failed to ignore...
                        Sketch your thoughts upon my mind
                        and generously write your tears
                        The heart that yearns will not wane in time
                        as I miss you through the years
                        Mend your sadness, cast the doubts
                        into the blue beneath her grey
                        Dream your sorrow into mirrors
                        and forever in you
                        I will stay

Mashed Potatoes

If you fail to juggle
                        the hot potato with ease
                        mashed potatoes
                        are acceptable
                        and with a little creativity...
                        can even be more satisfying

Solution

The rains came
                        Perhaps it was my tears?
                        For more than forty days and
                        less than I had expected
                        Confusion turned to solution
                        anger subsided into peace
                        It washed away my thoughts
                        of yesterday's future

Frozen Tear

Shivering in the cold feeling so empty
                        trying to hold your hand
                        The lies and the truth finally unfold
                        as I try to make you understand

                        Your eyes meet mine with a distant stare
                        hearts breaking with the loss
                        I'm mourning the possibility of what we will never share
                        How will I ignore my doubts and thoughts

                        Averting my gaze to the falling snowflakes
                        I watch them disappear
                        Slowly down my cheek drops an icy memory...

                        My last frozen tear

Morning Song

Did the birds with their songs
                        warm your heart with their tune
                        Or are those melodious notes
                        simply shrill reminders
                        Your world, your thoughts
                        immune to the sound
                        of blue skies smiling
                        and constant wonder all around

Desert

Pure oasis in the desert's heat
                        shimmering pools of possibility
                        How woefully and thoughtfully you deceive
                        guided by hidden reciprocity
                        Your breeze betrays my patient stride
                        luring me to linger in confusion
                        Onward you follow; distrust married with pride
                        and seek waterfalls tainted by illusions
                        Trickling down foundation for integrity
                        you harden your resolve like steel
                        without love's pure equality
                        or the impossible chance to fulfill...
                        Newborn rivers cry tears like my dreams
                        masked in sultry perfection
                        To breathe, to take
                        should we finally awake
                        and taste of this sweetened spring
                        But suddenly my thirst to appreciate
                        disappears like your waning, doubting faith
                        and leaves me with nothing but dust and wind:
                        more unspoken words to contemplate

How

Tell me how one sunrise,
                        one sunset
                        climbing and falling
                        reaching up and lying down
                        into the arms of the earth's
                        promise -
                        a new day, a strong hope
                        a quiet night, a deep sleep...
                        golden glorious beginning
                        predicted permanent end to the past
                        creates one everlasting future
                        of yesterday?
                        Tell me how one war,
                        one peace
                        willing and writhing
                        living and dying
                        into the memories of
                        our faiths -
                        a better way, a religion
                        a chosen people, a disappearing world...
                        Written on stones or
                        taught in temples
                        finds one true belief
                        of tomorrow

Afterthought

Promises unkept
                        while life is swept away
                        Dreams are lost forever
                        did you believe them anyway
                        And restless is your mind
                        searching for a friend
                        climbing through the years
                        patient for the end
                        Take your soul down
                        to the fields of blue
                        Find the place you need
                        where happiness once grew
                        If you trust one more time
                        and set your heart free
                        Reach out your hand

                        You'll find me

Silk

Red silk like tears
                        upon my face
                        leave me in
                        this restless peace
                        Without your hand
                        to guide me sleep
                        I cannot will
                        my strength to keep

                        Black silk like sorrow
                        brings you near
                        the road runs narrow
                        paved with care
                        Within fate's grasp
                        I lay to rest
                        the doubting cost
                        of faithlessness

                        White silk like love
                        makes your bride
                        a distant joy
                        will bring new life
                        Visions and dreams
                        will find their place
                        and finally know
                        the choice we made

Her Shadow

Reaching for your hand
                        a coldness breathes destiny
                        My own heart faithfully frozen
                        within an icy womb of longing
                        Calling out to you
                        for a reprieve of my senses
                        lost and worn down
                        like a forgotten melting snow
                        Did you notice
                        the moon cast her shadow
                        upon my thoughts
                        just before I dreamt of you
                        And that light
                        from horizon's patriarch
                        remains loyal to the future
                        while begging for the dream
                        to begin somehwere in our minds
                        But a coldness breathes destiny
                        and my hands can't reach so far
                        seasons still bring rain
                        and I miss the quiet snow

Whisper

The softest kiss upon your brow
                        leaves no remorse of solemn vow
                        Candles burning throughout the night
                        take leave of love by morning's light

                        The softest whisper into your ear
                        calms the silence within your tear
                        Music serenading your restless mind
                        as the same notes play outside of time

                        The softest touch upon your skin
                        remembers the way it once began
                        And the beautiful smile that adorns your face
                        reveals the understanding for my fall from grace

Broken Bow

To watch you set sail
                        without a word
                        You have the strength
                        with visions blurred
                        and into the night
                        though storm carries your heart
                        heavy and sinking
                        ship torn apart
                        Water is wrath
                        Heaven's beauty doth lie
                        inside of the dream
                        that once met the sigh
                        Of the morning's calm
                        and the waters still rising
                        while sleeping and forgetting
                        her face
                        her touch
                        her eyes -so hypnotizing
                        Broken bow
                        and chosen arrow
                        Strike once in her heart
                        and prolong her sorrow
                        Onward you drift
                        away from her hand
                        leaving the past
                        for a lonely tomorrow

Restless Night

This dark and dreary night
                        will find me restless still
                        when the moon's careless light
                        finds me curled beneath your window sill
                        Dreaming of the time
                        your kiss soft to my own
                        remembering that one place
                        where fairytales seemed to grow
                        Laughter brought you forth
                        to my open heart's desire
                        And there you lay in patience
                        with love's last flame of fire
                        So now upon this night
                        when the moon is haunting me
                        Why would you release my hand
                        if not to drown me in your sea
                        Down I will surrender
                        to the dark and blinding abyss
                        within the warm and through tender
                        that never would exist
                        Hear me choking back
                        the whispers that you spoke
                        and taste the tears under my soul
                        the music that she wrote
                        Avert your loving glance again
                        and follow your own path
                        The journey that we have begun
                        darling don't leave it in the past
                        Though wolves may howl when serpents hiss
                        I'll wait for you alone
                        The unbroken shine of moon's first bliss
                        will light the way towards home

Futility

Tears may fall
                        to show you again
                        that I have weakened
                        beneath your strength
                        Bend me to your thoughts
                        Submit me to your flaws
                        a love returned useless
                        is abandoned without cause
                        Tears may dissolve
                        upon one memory
                        The hope I grip too tightly
                        crushes into futility
                        Reliable grey skies
                        will mirror in my mind
                        The faith I had in you
                        was the hope I would never find

Last Hope

Did you know
                        that moment
                        when we said goodbye
                        I turned so cold
                        Oh, the mind's intricate sorrow
                        breeding feeble lies
                        to complicate our love
                        and sad sighs consume
                        the soul's last hope
                        I discovered that
                        I couldn't live without you
                        so I just walked away
                        without my heart

Return to Sender

Walking through the leaves
                        in the middle of September
                        Twenty pounds of heartache
                        and note on my back -
                        Return To Sender

                        The wind is whipping through me
                        like the voices in my head
                        (didn't you see me crying)
                        It wasn't what you did
                        but the happiness I felt
                        when you stopped trying

                        The flower petals are faded
                        and my clarity turns grey
                        Sunrises become jaded
                        And you wanted it this way...

                        Walking through the leaves
                        in the middle of September
                        Remembering your sigh
                        the moment you fell in love...

                        when you first kissed her

Seventeen Minutes

Thunder invade my private peace
                        detract swiftly from my mind
                        Bring the light from heaven's rain
                        upon my tired face
                        so sublime in hope
                        Wash away the tear
                        hidden and single
                        in the corner of my watchful eye;
                        Let it shine moments beyond fear
                        of past and future kisses...
                        seventeen minutes past
                        my soul reminder of this

Halo

Your arms provide the comfort
                        of the place that I belong
                        I waited patiently in my mind
                        to write the perfect song
                        The notes would softly whisper
                        into your sleeping ears
                        the happiness that missed you
                        during those empty years...
                        Now the simple tune
                        that oft would bring my hope
                        creates the tie that chains you
                        to a constricting, endless rope
                        Knots around my trust
                        my hands began to fray
                        from tearing at the wounds
                        that someone did betray
                        Stronger threads are holding
                        this infinite futility in place
                        then around my neck appears
                        a halo of unbreakable faith

Broken and Bent

I watch you breathe
                        and feel your skin
                        from a view that no one
                        will ever understand
                        I feel you move
                        and restless in your sleep
                        You bring me dreams
                        my heart couldn't conceive
                        I taste your kiss
                        and drink your scent
                        While devils smile
                        and angels repent
                        The gods with their games
                        seem cruel in intent
                        but I want this my love
                        thoughts hidden and spent
                        I'll cherish you forever
                        broken and bent

The Library

Silence overwhelms
                        the tears I have to cry
                        I hear your words -
                        but they seem to float so high
                        into the starless sky
                        while I defy years
                        that you never see
                        If I had only listened
                        to the silence in between
                        I wouldn't have to wonder
                        why the library seems
                        so eerie and quiet today
                        I wish I hadn't begged you to stay
                        Forgiving myself the first time
                        then yearning to erase the last...
                        why didn't I remember
                        Why couldn't I have learned
                        that summer and love
                        are the two constants
                        that never last

Your Choice

If you know how much she loves you
                        there is only room for two
                        If you know how deeply she cares for you
                        then why do you stay so subdued
                        Nothing in life or time
                        is cause to make one feel ignored
                        It takes a moment to remind her
                        that she is completely adored ~

                        This game of love is no game in your mind
                        but a learning experience instead
                        be delicate with her heart love
                        thought it's strength is unmatched
                        it's hanging by a thread.

                        Your body can be tired
                        Your night can be fulfilled
                        But do not forget yesterday's trust
                        which took time and patience to build

                        I'll go quietly into the morning
                        no longer fighting this foe
                        Feelings are simply emotions awry
                        but I wanted you to know...

                        We are so much more than this

Broken

The glass jar of hope
                        broken and empty now
                        like my eyes
                        discarded tears
                        from your rain
                        Until my thoughts run
                        dry like a stale whisper
                        given to me upon faith
                        that I would never believe
                        The jagged bloody edges
                        seem smooth and round
                        In my dreams I find
                        my hands in yours
                        not tightened in a fist
                        summoning anger's wrath
                        A tattered book from
                        clenching your trust
                        and pages of love
                        remain locked
                        Will they fill will dust
                        or can the wind bring them back
                        with a single branch
                        covered in a new song
                        that the dove once carried
                        in her mind

Silence and Confusion

Too much confusion
                        silence and patience
                        in a war with my heart
                        like peace and betrayal
                        in harmony
                        While purgatory's hand
                        leads me into my promise
                        my mind runs far
                        from the questions
                        I'd rather stay and ponder
                        My lips conceal the words
                        I long to say
                        and my heart breaks
                        with the constant echo
                        of lost time

Missing Shoe

Sighs and wistful thinking
                        upon my brow
                        pen in hand
                        and still in nature
                        nothing speaks for my heart
                        Look out past the ocean
                        blue horizons and
                        clear futures
                        but for now
                        sandy beaches
                        and one missing shoe...
                        The wind brings songs
                        somewhat like the past
                        knocking on my hidden door
                        did it disappear
                        when opportunity waited
                        silent on my doorstep
                        patient for me to arrive
                        did I drive too quickly
                        with no time to notice
                        that missing sole
                        carelessly left
                        or thrown out
                        on the side of the road
                        too often traveled
                        Or did I discard the shoe
                        unaware of the importance
                        of the miles it once walked
                        If I found the artist
                        to stroke the color
                        into the dream
                        of the imaginary journey
                        would he paint two shoes
                        or one...