Alarm

I gathered my clocks into my tired arms
Threw them onto the fire, one by one
It silenced their insulting, shrill alarms
Reminding me again that you have none
No time to spare, but seconds to imply
Or outright claim how busy you have been
It chips away at us when you abide
By your deeper desire to please them
Sleep through us, I won't wake you anymore
I'll walk downstairs and leave without a sound
You may wake up one day feeling unsure
But for now, you do not need me around
The ticking of my watch gives me away
You open one eye and ask me to stay

Suspended

Suspended in your chill of thoughtlessness
Amid the same excuses from your heart
Night is no reprieve from your selfisnhess
My hands caress, but can't erase the scar
An empty glass has shattered on the floor
Champagne bubbles turn sour from the wait
An empty past won't matter anymore
When there are no more bottles left to taste
I draw the shades, the city lights stay on
You play your part for you and no one else
While leaning in to softly kiss your son
I see a bowl of stones upon his shelf
I'd like to throw them -- one for every sin
Of thinking you would someday let me in

Judgment

A slow martyr to your white picket fence
Judge, jury, executioner you live
in a sanitized world with one pretense:
You get back precisely what you can give
But you don't understand love can exist
where two hearts had never thought possible
in a world where old souls have reminisced
in memories together --impossible?
Man-made frowns and cliched disapproval
hurt deeply but further entrench my post
into the green grass chopped by disposals
of indifference, righteousness. I chose
to meet him again for better or worse
And love him forever; judgment reserved

Anxiety

What makes you cry out suddenly in fear
or stay wide awake under cloudy skies?
Not since you were one did you need me near
A shadow of comforting lullabies
follows you wherever your fears take you
Anxiety can bring ironic strength
But moments of uncertainty break you
into small helpless pieces; broken faith
Sounds that do not exist are deafening
Problems unsolved will hold you prisoner
Darkness and aloneness are threatening
Two unwanted, unwelcome visitors
Upon your waking world they seem to prey
So dropping to my knees I start to pray

Waiting for a Taxi

Crowds of impatient people surround me:
Cell phones ringing, text messages beeping
Newspapers and coffee drinkers around see
nothing but rush hour. But a sleeping
storm fast approaching with purpose and grace
creeps in and over their heads and my own
sixth sense for nature's cool greeting awakes
as I stand with my suitcase -- all alone
With thoughts of you -- what possibilities
Here in this long line looking for a ride
to take us into serendipity;
Unrelenting rain brings you by my side
I pull you close and kiss you tenderly
Because you always wait so patiently

Mend

Tears turn my eyes into kaleidoscope
patterns and shapes. I never expected
to see your soul swinging from a false rope
while the old parts of you were reflected
in pictures and letters of commitment.
Something made you search, and your restlessness
prompted you to take an intermission
with me and two lives filled with happiness.
Perfect hands pulled us from a distant deep;
newborn sighs brought calm reverie to play.
Each moment with you was only to keep
your coming end of past traveling days
This facade has torn the real you apart,
but I will mend you back into my heart.

Plea

I withheld the sadness just for tonight
Pictured your smile when you entered the room
I envisioned your skin pressed against mine
Underneath that brilliantly glowing moon
I ransacked my mind in search of your kiss
My lips entwined in your fantasy’s grasp
Longing for those hours of intimate bliss
Your shadow walking on that lighted path
Soft, whispered words into my trusting ears
Morning lovers wrapped in warm, peaceful calm
Two strong, protective arms cradling my fears
My soul filled with tenderness from your song
Oh, love bring me back to that place now please!
Home is where my heart rests, You're what I need!

Clouded Conversation

It is a slow moving white cloud at first
Staring, watching it turn from light to dark
A sad feeling creeps into me like thirst
Overwhelms a tongue in a desert far
From water; I lose my resolve again
Even while telling myself to look up
My insecurity begins to blend
With the heaviness of sighs like a cup
Full of thick cream with coffee stirred around
Making the sweet taste less than appealing
Aromas of bitterness linger, sounds
Of tears suspend (hold back the real feelings)
Notice the amount of condensation
Falling when we end our conversation?

Shopping

Distrust, non commitment is on display
Can you throw in some avoidance for free?
Insecurities are on sale today
Those are abundant and seem to fit me
Frustrations are growing in numbers here
But we are not allowed to purchase them
You can find more frustrations mixed with fears
Hidden in the lies, stories and sex bin
Shop as long as you can for full resolve
That you were supposed to buy for yourself
Answers are rare, scarce, and don't involve
Other opinions, thoughts, guidance or help
Relationship shopping can be worthwhile
If you can find your personal style

Antithesis

Weak for wanting your help to overcome
an insecurity that's buried deep?
Your harsh words form doubts and I come undone
while in your staunch, self righteousness you sleep
Your mechanical technicalities
disqualify me as a human being
A pathetic dysfunctionality
despite all that you forget you have seen
It is the antithesis to loving
when you sit cold, rigid, silently judging
my desire to focus on how to fix
the poorly drawn boundaries of this matrix
More to the dysfunction is my contempt
for myself in thinking we'd never end

Testament to Patience

A thick mass of dry, dead leaves surround her
Winter winds have almost ceased their whispers
Decry the happily ever after
Amid the discontent and sinister
Bystanders, onlookers of sprouting life
One green stem, her promise of dormant hope
Plum petals from her veins of spring bring light
To cold, darkened earth scattered here before
Defiant in her beauty she blooms forth
In confidence and innocence she stands
Tall, above her inner beauty she's more
Than a delicate flower above land
A monument of true admiration
A testament to the heart of patience

Fishing

I

My heart is empty and starving for more
fish that are swimming around in the deep
But waters are thin and unlike before
you have to release what you used to keep
Not if you're planning to carry it home
and give it a place to live and be free
Locked out by boundaries? How is that freedom?
It's better than being alone in the sea
of shiny, silver, sparkling, sharp, curved hooks
Or compassionless predators waiting
to lure you closer for a second look
while your sense of innocence is fading
Patient fatigue summons one home today
but a lack of fear will send it away

II

Kneeling down, peering deep into the glare
of reflected sun in the water's eye
Carefully recounting each fish by pairs
until I feel my numbers going blind
There is one loner --a small hidden sight
with greys and blues -- like rainbow hues
And my mind screams, He has poison inside!
But I'm already trying to seduce
him into my net, where I can closely
inspect and examine every part
of his body that defines him mostly
strong gills to breathe, and shading like art
But I am drawn to his strange liquid breath
Knowing one taste will surely bring me death

III

Stop caring so much. Unfortunately
whatever you feel just cast it away
I'm not fishing for emotional meat
baited and switched by your passionless play
No more tears and rain upon lonely seas
Lightning waves echo "Electric Alone."
Family and friends acid streaked memories;
faceless, blank photos as I sink and drown
See that stone over there, its bold, hard strength
Place your foot on the top -- feel what it's like
to stand in judgment over someone's faith
Or climb up a hill you weren't meant to hike
The salt air is grey and danger lurks near
Should I stay and fish?  "Not really." That's clear.

Wilted

The wilted flowers died upon the shelf
Dry stems rotted from lack of liquid kiss
Hidden within their roots no one could tell
Which parts were damaged. No one reminisced
About the fields where they once danced and swayed
To nature's music under marbled skies
Of blues and brights which never seemed to fade
Even when the flowers were bound and tied
The empty field remains with leaves around
From falls that come with every passing tear
And flowers that bloomed upon sacred ground
Will not be growing anyhwere near here
Just keep those shriveled petals free from rain
Until they have no chance of being saved

Continuum

Like the rise and flow of a tide, you change
Your mind and your heart don't seem to agree
Love stands here before you and she seems strange -
You dismiss me as one not meant to be?
My will is dragged down by your your undertow
I'm gulping gritty sands and salty tears
Fill my eyes with cloudy visions below
Slowly drowning my faith in deepest fears
If I could watch your smile fade with the night
From below the depths of death's lifeless heart,
Would I see the reflection of my own plight:
Convincing myself we can't break apart
Life's continuum of expected change
Though our stubborn will to resist remains

Translation:

I don't care about promises or vows.
I'm too busy give you any more.
I do not wonder who is crying now.
I am angry so watch me slam the door.
Getting off the phone -- I don't want to talk.
I do not have to give you anything.
You don't understand or get what I want.
I don't need you.  I need my sanity.
I am tired of fighting every time
We try to talk -- I'm through with you for good
I'm not listening --don't care if you cry
I knew we'd end up here. I knew we would.
I'll talk to you if I find time
(Translation: I am not going to try)

Just Sex

I'm telling myself it was only sex
Not mind bending body breaking pleasure
Tomorrow, I know just what to expect
No afterglow. No words. No slight measure
Of comfort, closeness, softness, like before
Our quick breaths merged between our heightened sighs
Hard rhythms of our flesh began to pour
More beats into our hearts just to survive
Crescendos of sweat covered symphonies
Played danger with our chaos intertwined
I became your wild, slutty, nympho-tease
Absorbing what was once left of your mind
I am telling myself it was just sex
That's how you respond. You just disconnect.

Soul Aspiration

Cactus shadows mirror our silhouettes
Desert lovers star gazing through the night
Mosquitoes hovering form their own nets
Around the dark, and fireflies give light
To the wind escaping once in awhile
Rising high above the stoic mountains
From your soft whispers, to my slow, half-smile
Kisses that taste like halcyon fountains
Someday a single, solitary sky
Will release a star to bring you a wish
I pause to look deeper into your eyes
But you're here, I couldn't want more than this
A blushing night counting constellations
With you. That is my soul aspiration.

Regret

Barbecue scents waft through my open door
Families gather for an evening meal
I clutch my heart as I lay on the floor
Tired of life --it has no more appeal
Afraid of being lonely or alone?
Is there a difference between the two?
I grasped the dream too tightly, now it's flown
Above and beyond what I ever knew
Rare April chills bring sadness to my room
I'm gazing outside at lowering dusk skies
Sounds will retreat to bedtimes and the moon
But that's where empty and longing resides
Hand over my head as if to stop thoughts
I regret what having to stay will cost

A Grand Father

A strong, firm hand led me when I was young
To duck-filled ponds, gardens, and butterflies
I learned the world's book - my mind was a sponge
Even when he sang his sweet lullabies
This same hand aged with gentle calm brought me
Across the universe to find myself
Sometimes each new place can feel so lonely
He comforts me with emotional stealth
Kindness, gratitude, love, humbling wisdom
Live deep within all he instilled in me
A precious gift repeatedly given:
My own children's hope and security
A grand father leads my son to the pond;
Life in one hand and a heart full of love

Observation

I am a spy, the fly upon your wall
Aromas of meals surround my distaste
for words here exchanged don't mix well at all
with flavors from where I originate
Where is the warm light? In darkness how can
You create new dreams or search for your home
This can't be your resting place, though I am
Just a fly in this rooom, and will be gone
After tomorrow, when I've seen too much
I'll vanish into my chaotic mind
Where images seem doubled, harsh and rough
And explanations never have their time;
But when you sit so peacefully, quietly
I cannot leave your side so easily

95 Degrees

At ninety five degrees how can one freeze?
I reach out for your warmth and feel sharp chills
Rise up between my sighs and I believe
My body will be trapped in midnight hell
Where windows turn from glass to rusted steel
Too old to be pried open or destroyed
My flesh will bear deep scars that will reveal
Dead bondage from the marriage to this void
I'd rather slide between the ivory folds
And meet your tender lips while you touch me
Upon my warming skin (defying cold)
Upon my soul's awaiting fantasy
At ninety five degrees you hold me still
The fiery heat between us brings new chills

Picnic

I slice the chicken meticulously
Add parmesan and just a little spice
Glance at the clock feeling slightly giddy
In one hour, you will be by my side!
Arranging our picnic like a puzzle
Pairing strawberries with lime Perrier
One umbrella -- in case of a drizzle
A basket prepared for a perfect day
Chocolate chip cookies out of the oven
Minutes before, I kissed the dough for luck!
Grateful for precious time you have given
To make this short, special trip just for us
I'm chopping up meat salted from my wounds
Knowing we won't picnic anytime soon

Dismissed

We blend together like raw sex and mace
Unbridled passion with you burns my eyes
You overwhelm me until it's too late
To hide from your stream of well crafted lies
Withold your softness just to make me squirm
Watch me, enjoy me writhe, dismiss my tears
Withold forgiveness until it's your turn
Then you will digest the depth of real fear
Chastise my genuine apologies
Fronting religion as some great haven
Whisper again those secret blasphemies
I am the lover who understands them
Pepper spray my unscripted confession
Cover my voice with your own frustrations

Lifting Weights

Sweating, straining under the pressure to
lift you higher than my arms will allow
Muscles burning, aching, I can feel you
Falling and pulling my confidence down
You know I am weak -- you prey on it well
giving me courage to raise you again
Then reminding me how I often fail
I lose my grip and my will to begin
Another round of trying to push you
further, farther above my troubled mind
You set down a ridiculous curfew
of set goals by which I have to abide
We were supposed to become much stronger
But now, we work together no longer

Rest Assured

My dreams are the safest place I can go
To escape from your cynical laughter
Security soothes me, peace and calm flow
Diluting confusion I feel after
We speak briefly (after too long) tonight
Deep wounds and old scars resurface quickly
The same ones revealed whenever we fight
You dismiss and forget them too swiftly
And so, I retreat to my silent sleep
Where memories of us remain innocent
Moments where you would never have to speak
Of feeling annoyed or indifferent
Rest assured I love you, but choose to sleep
Through this reality of you and me

Stilettos

I'd like to stab you with my stilettos
Yes, the black ones I wear with nothing else
Make you lie still face down on the pillow
(No one will hear your stifled cries for help)
Raise the heel high like an ax chopping wood
Stab once, twice, then three times without feeling
The sting of your flesh, the trickle of blood
Mixing black with red seems so appealing
You'll lie even more than before you came
Into my room with lies and hidden truths
And me?  I'll feel nothing -exactly the same
Though I will be leaving to buy new shoes
You said I kill you with my sexy feet
But I'll kill you for your constant deceit

Disbelief

No. Love will not return. He was once here.
Staring through my eyes --never into them.
Then he left me. Ignoring every tear.
I don't believe he will remember when
our first passionate encounter began
an unplanned future of love and desire.
My feather touch made him tremble within,
lullabies played his dreams to inspire:
The empty canvas of paper and thoughts
awakened at last by skin warming skin!
Sultry, drunk Muse wants to swallow his --- shocked
back to the present: How long has it been?
Since love defied the absolute distance
Between what is and what clearly isn't?

Homeless Widow

I smelled her questioned look before she spoke
Which toothbrush can I buy with this coupon?
Her hair was matted, dirty like old ropes
Yellowed teeth revealed it had been a long
time since mint flavored flouride had been swished
inside a mouth deprived and starved for taste
My mind wondered if she had felt the kiss
of love and life before some twist of fate
brought her here, to this store searching for one
new toothbrush that would clean her mouth again
Perhaps the first step to show everyone
she could return to where she once had been
Hair soft and silky, fresh mint smiling breath --
Until the evening of her loved one's death

Ghost

I hear heartbeats behind pearl wallpaper
Slow, steady pulses hypnotize my thoughts
A ghost's kiss returns, then leaves like vapor
that formed around the once occupied spot
Where bodies crashed together intertwined
under warm, wet showered intensity
Standing in the same position I find
longing aches and very little reprieve
from the slow, steady pulse that will linger
across my flesh within this steamy scene
A ghost's touch returns with gentle fingers
massaging my desires from my dreams
I hear soft sighs behind cold marble walls
But I'm unsure if you were here at all