My Soul's Lament

Look in the mirror a reflection you see
                        but I see a prison holding me
                        Back from the life I'm supposed to know
                        into a place where I don't want to go
                        Not the endless creation of wonder and light
                        instead these tears I cry at night
                        They sting my eyes and burn my skin
                        Acidic reminders of needing him

                        I follow the Path and try my best
                        but wherever I turn I feel the test
                        upon my heart and though determined to win
                        I fall back down and have to try again
                        The steps feel steep and I'm alone
                        and if I reach the top there's no one home
                        It's dreams for me and nothing more
                        an endless fight, a revolving door

                        Peace and love are everywhere
                        but in my mind no one to share
                        the colorful pictures of the dawn
                        or quiet memories within a song
                        A smile can be so misleading
                        when the heart won't heal and the Soul is grieving
                        Did you not notice I didn't call
                        another day, another fall

                        An expert now at hiding my thoughts
                        willing them away so they remain lost
                        Tragically so I begin to feel less
                        ignoring my heart so it won't confess
                        Carefully though I arrange my words
                        so you can hear what you shouldn't have heard
                        Make you think that you know what you don't
                        Never revealing what I know that I won't

                        Leading you into a place called me
                        exposing the wounds that make me bleed
                        Destroying my defenses until I am weak
                        all the while wanting you to hear me speak
                        Allowing my Soul within to break free
                        behind this wall it's killing me
                        I never chose this way to live
                        so much love for you I selflessly give

                        But you can't share what you won't show
                        and I'm not convinced I want you to know
                        See the pain and confusion now
                        there was a way I thought somehow
                        Promises made and bound to be kept
                        but faces see shadows of rain cold and wet
                        Drying the sorrows with yesterday's hand
                        searching for someone who finally understands

                        The rocky hills climbed but up at the peak
                        I look down below to the rivers so deep
                        They flow like my passion but into nothing
                        yet calm like my sleep they symbolize something
                        Trusting and knowing the truth you will bring
                        hoping and waiting for a chance to release
                        the Spirit that stays within this unbreakable cast
                        Forced to remain upon footsteps from the past

                        I hear the wolf cry carried on the moon's wind
                        it calls me to battle a curse I can't win
                        The darkness beckons for me to take hold
                        but emerging from hiding I do not feel so bold
                        Fear tempts my sighs and hurts me again
                        I struggle to close my eyes and dive in
                        Accepting the things I cannot possibly change
                        recognizing that which I can rearrange

                        Asking for the courage and wisdom as well
                        turn away from the doubt that leads me to hell
                        Blinded by light that my heart will not know
                        Missing my home to which I never can go
                        Hope leads my heart still that maybe someway
                        we will have our life, our night and our day
                        But for now it's clear and painfully in view
                        this is my Soul's Lament to you